


Just Be Conscious

by Shujinkakusama, SmugLemon



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Asexual Character, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Ensemble Cast, F/F, Family Drama, First Dates, Gen, Historical Inaccuracy, Japanese Culture, Jealousy, Miscommunication, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Soulmates, Racism, Roleplay Logs, Slow Burn, some violence, sportsball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-02-04 12:12:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shujinkakusama/pseuds/Shujinkakusama, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmugLemon/pseuds/SmugLemon
Summary: An accident in her dorm forces Jasper Braxton to transfer rooms mid-semester... right after getting dumped by her long-time girlfriend. With no one returning her texts, is she really going to have to spend time with these nerds?! At least Pearl Jules seems friendly, even if she's hiding something... // Human AU, RP log, closeted Pearl, ace Garnet, underage alcohol consumption, Jasper generally not getting along with the Crystal Gems despite the room upgrade.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This RP was supposed to be PWP but I'm not capable of that, and now it's about awkward lesbians trying to contend with cohabiting with deluxe hotties. Do they even have anything in common other than being gay?
> 
> Lots of cameos, lots of characters with more screentime planned, and ex-girlfriends being unsavory.

If Jasper had her way, she'd be halfway through two quarts of rocky road ice cream and "Machete" right now, hoping the combination of beheadings and tits would drown out the very sucky week she was experiencing.

 

A burst pipe in her dorm building had forced her out of her room and into a new one already occupied by three other girls. She hoped to God she didn't get stuck with some basic bitches. She'd rather drop out and lose her entire scholarship than room with someone like Aquamarine.

 

On top of that, Lapis had decided they were going to "take a break". A break? After everything Jasper had done for her? After she tried and tried to hold them together because Lapis  _ begged _ her not to leave? And she couldn't even bury her feelings in ice cream because the last thing she needed was to throw off her weight for training. And now Lapis wasn't returning her texts.

 

Jasper grit her teeth as she hauled several boxes of her belongings up the stairs and tried not to think about it. She really didn't want to start crying in front of Bismuth and… Damn what were their names? One of them was Topaz, but Jasper couldn't remember which one. They both sported the same short blonde buzz cuts and flannel, and they had a habit of always being next to each other. Even if she remembered the other's name she'd have a hard time properly assigning them. Still, Jasper was grateful they'd offered to help her move her stuff into her new room. Up the stairs and down the hall, the makeshift moving crew followed Jasper to the suite.

 

"This is it," she said, checking the number next to the door. She kicked it a few times with her foot to knock and took a deep breath. Whoever was on the other side of that door had better be someone she could get along with.

 

The RA hadn’t exactly given them much time to prepare for having a new roommate thrust upon them. Predictably enough, Amethyst had made herself scarce in anticipation of the whirlwind of cleaning that Pearl was bound to do in advance--not that the living room was particularly messy to begin with, and not that Pearl didn’t clean the kitchenette all the time. It was important, Pearl stressed, to have a clean environment to live and study and work in, and in light of that, it was probably for the best that Amethyst never let her in her room.

 

But the unused room--locked since the start of the semester and therefore musty, but clean--was next to Pearl’s, and the woman wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of a new roommate disrupting the barely tolerable routine she had managed to work out between herself, Amethyst, and her best friend, Garnet, who had to be some kind of saint, because she was the only thing in the world keeping Pearl together, and with midterms looming.

“Coming!” Pearl called, tugging uncomfortably at the sundress she had been cleaning in. The unfortunate thing about incredibly irregular periods was that they popped up out of absolutely nowhere, and the sweatpants Pearl had available to clean in were stained. She felt like a slob, but none of the usual tricks had worked in removing the stain, and since she was planning to clean the oven out later anyway, they were the most disposable clothing available to her.

 

She didn’t know what to expect when she opened the door, but Jasper certainly wasn’t it. “O-oh…” she knew her. Knew  _ of _ her. Jasper had a reputation, and while Pearl wasn’t the type to gossip, neither was she the type to ignore what she could hear in the halls.

 

Jasper was the spitting image of a star athlete, broad shouldered and massive. She dwarfed Pearl entirely, as did the three women behind her. Pearl stepped back instinctively, nodding toward the short hallway that led to the bedrooms, with Garnet’s at the end. “Ah… I hope you’ve got your key. The RA wouldn’t give it to us.”

 

"Yeah, I've got it," Jasper replied, voice a little hoarser than usual. She was surprised she wasn't even given a 'hello', but she supposed this wasn't a terrible way to be greeted. At least it was to-the-point. She looked… familiar, too. Really familiar. Had she gone to high school with this girl? Jasper had been popular but her friend group was limited, and the skinny rail in front of her had obviously never visited the weight room where Jasper spent most of her time after school. But she was pretty sure she'd seen her. Either way, she started toward the hall of doors, letting the others in behind her.

 

"Nice place," Bismuth said, admiring how clean the suite was and not-so-subtly checking Pearl out too.

 

"Smells great in here," Topaz added.

 

"Which one is it?" Jasper asked, not wanting to start trying to unlock a door that wasn't her own.

 

“Ah—first, on the left; you’re next to mine,” Pearl stammered, turning the ring she wore absently. She bobbed in a short bow as the other girls passed and caught herself wishing desperately that she hadn’t been caught like this, even if one of the… twins? The two blonde girls, one of them had complimented her efforts, and that was something. “I hope it’s alright, the window doesn’t quite open all the way, so it’s been… difficult airing things out while I cleaned up.”

 

Jasper grunted in response, dropping her boxes by her feet and fumbling with the key somewhat before finally getting the door open. She pushed it out of the way for the three others to get in, directing them to just put their armfuls wherever. She'd sort it all out later. It wasn't like she had anyone to go see.

 

"I appreciate the effort," she said, glancing at Pearl. "But you didn't have to do anything extra for me."

 

“I didn’t want to make a poor first impression,” Pearl said quickly, belatedly certain that those words would somehow undo any  _ positive _ impression she might have made. The appraising look she’d gotten from the girl with rainbow dreadlocks hadn’t gone unnoticed, but Pearl wasn’t sure what to make of it. She wasn’t sure she dared to hope—statistically speaking, there had to be other lesbians on campus, and it would be nice to be… noticed by them, in some capacity, but she was so solidly in the closet that she knew she would have to travel all of Narnia to get out.

 

Color flooded her pale cheeks, and she swallowed hard, peering up at her new roommate uncertainly. “Ah… I’m Pearl. Pearl Jules. Our other roommates aren’t here right now, but I’m sure Garnet, at least, will be back tonight. Amethyst sometimes stays with her friends.”

 

"Jasper Braxton," she replied. Before she could add anything else, Bismuth popped out of her friend's room and leaned against the wall to show off a muscular arm, waggling her eyebrow.

 

"And I'm Bismuth," she drawled. "Nice to meet you."

 

Jasper frowned, roughly shoving Bismuth forward before she could use one of her terrible pick up lines on the girl. Jasper had already paraded into the suite with a team of butch lesbians; she didn't need Pearl feeling any more uncomfortable getting unwanted attention. Bismuth just laughed it off, shoving Jasper back lightly.

 

"Hey, you know I hate to run, but I gotta get to class. You gonna be okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jasper answered.

 

"You sure? You don't need a hug?" Bismuth pressed, only half teasing.

 

"No! I'm fine. Thanks for your help," she made sure to nod at the other two as well. "Get to class."

 

"Alright, alright. See ya." And as Bismuth headed out of the suite, she added to Pearl, "And I hope I'll be seeing you around too!"

 

She knew that name, and while confirming her roommate’s identity was a good thing, in theory, it was… a little unsettling. Jasper was  _ definitely _ known for her volatile behavior on and off the field, and that frightened Pearl. Fortunately, Bismuth interrupted her train of thought, appearing and disappearing quickly before her attention seemed to be off of Pearl entirely.

 

So they were… friends. That was good. That had to be good. Because if Jasper did find out her secret, presumably, she wouldn’t react badly. Maybe. Unless Pearl’s gaydar was  _ completely _ misguided.

 

Pearl actually wasn’t sure what read she was getting from Jasper, herself. The other three seemed obvious enough. 

 

It all happened so fast. Pearl wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted to be alone with her new roommate, but she barely managed an affirmative noise before Bismuth had closed the door.

 

Wide blue eyes peered back up at Jasper again, a little uncertain, and desperately hoping that it wasn’t inappropriately obvious to stare a bit. “Ah… I have to finish up the kitchen,” she said, “Did you—I know the cafeteria isn’t far, but if you would like, it’s spaghetti night. We’re out of meatballs. Unless you have any food allergies?”

 

"Uh," Jasper was slightly taken aback. Did Pearl actually make use of her kitchenette for more than instant rice and pizza bagels? Because, if so, there was at very least one positive thing about being moved into this room. 

 

Pearl herself seemed pretty dorky, and it was obvious even from what little she'd said so far. Nice, but a total dweeb and not the sort Jasper usually hung out with. 

 

"Yeah, sounds good," she said slowly.  "And I don't. Just gotta watch what I eat. But spaghetti's great for carbs."

 

It would be good to stay in, she reasoned. She didn't feel like going anywhere, didn't even feel like unpacking. One night staying in wouldn't kill her, and she promised herself she wouldn't make it a habit.

 

"You cook it yourself?"

 

“I’ve got a weak stomach, so it’s easier than getting sick all the time,” Pearl admitted. She wasn’t entirely certain of how accurate the summary was, but Jasper didn’t need to know her medical history just because they lived together, and neither did she need to know that her doctors weren’t totally sure what the problem was, either. 

 

Garnet had her suspicions, and Pearl resolutely refused to think about whether she was right.

 

It hadn’t been  _ as _ bad in high school. The condition had grown progressively worse as her longstanding first love fell apart at the seams. Pearl thought it was kind of fitting, that she’d been left gutted, after what Rose had done. It wasn’t as if food  _ tasted _ any good, some days. 

 

“I’m not a culinary major or anything,” she added quickly, “The most adventurous things I can make would be too expensive, but I can follow a recipe.”

 

Yeesh, this girl was a dweeb. Not as bad as Peridot, and definitely a lot nicer to listen to, but she could see similarities between the two of them. Pearl seemed a little fidgety. Possibly nervous. She kept making glances at Jasper's muscles, and Jasper wondered if she was uneasy because Jasper dwarfed her in size and could snap the girl in half like a twig. But she would never do that. She only picked on people who really deserved it. Like Peridot.

 

But hey, Pearl kept the place clean and didn't mind cooking for her. It was going about as well as possible at the moment.

 

Speaking of food...

 

"You mind if I put some of my stuff in the fridge and pantry now?" She asked nodding toward the kitchenette.

 

“Oh—go ahead. It isn’t a very good fridge, I’m afraid, so any drinks that might spoil should go toward the back,” Pearl said quickly, slipping into the kitchenette and hesitating a moment before closing the oven to make a little more floor space. Not that it was much. Pearl wasn’t sure how much of her perception of Jasper’s bigness was nerves and how much was the other woman actually having the uncanny ability to command a room. Garnet had that kind of presence, too, but  _ Garnet _ was different. Pearl had never been intimidated by her best friend.

 

Jasper was incredibly intimidating.

 

“Um, anything you don’t want to share should probably go in the bottom drawers,” Pearl added belatedly, “Amethyst sometimes forgets what’s hers. We had a system, but it fell apart fast.”

 

Jasper ducked into her room and shuffled about for a moment, trying to find the right box. Once she was successful, she reemerged with it in her arms and opened the fridge, squatting in front of it before briefly inspecting the contents. Among them: some fruit, a can of cherry cola, a Tupperware container, labeled, and at least a half dozen styrofoam take away containers marked with an "A". 

 

She could feel Pearl's eyes on her and frowned internally. She wasn't in the mood for small talk, but silence didn't feel right either. She glanced in Pearl's direction, noting the combination of cute sundress over sweats, dyed hair worn short, jewelry even while she was home cleaning. She took a guess.

 

"So… are you an art student?"

 

Jasper pushed one of the boxes of leftovers out of the way and slid three six packs of Boost drinks inside to chill, even if they wouldn't get much cooler.

 

“Computer engineer,” Pearl said almost dutifully, feeling color rise in her cheeks. At least Jasper hadn’t guessed she was a  _ business major _ . It was easy to recognize what Jasper had added to the fridge, and Pearl was fairly certain that she wouldn’t accidentally eat any of it by mistake. “My parents wouldn’t let me pursue the arts. They picked it for me.”

 

Not that she wasn’t good at it. Pearl could stare at code for hours and pick out errors. It was frustrating to have a sequence run perfectly on one machine, only to have it crash in class, but that was part of the process.

 

“I used to ice skate, but there aren’t any year round rinks around here,” she supplied, adding, in an attempt at humor; “Besides, I mean… you can tell, looking at me, I would be useless to the hockey team.”

 

Jasper let out a puff of breath like a laugh and her lip even quirked up slightly. "Yeah, you're not kidding."

 

Hockey girls were damn tough and stocky. Pearl was built… not all that unlike Lapis. Damn, why couldn't she just get out of her head?

 

She hoped that's where their similarities ended. This might have been less awkward, though, if Pearl was queer like Lapis too. Maybe then she wouldn't have been so clearly nervous to have Jasper around. Straight girls could be so sensitive about that kind of thing.

 

She shut the fridge and opened the bottom cabinet next to her, starting to shove several boxes of nutrition bars into it. She doubted anyone would want to steal them, but it didn't cost anything to be on the safe side. She'd had enough of her personal belongings confiscated by a certain someone who she was not going to think about right now.

 

"You do any sports now?" she asked.

 

“We had a fencing club last semester, but it fell apart…” Pearl hummed thoughtfully. There were some dance classes she’d considered, but many weren’t open for enrollment yet. The dance studio on campus had been taken over by the theatre department in anticipation of their winter production, which meant she would have to hold off until spring to try tap or jazz studio. “That’s all at the moment. I do dance—but I’m not taking any this semester.”

 

She paused. It was rude to  _ not _ ask, but she knew so little about sports to begin with that she knew turning the conversation to Jasper would involve a lot of jargon that she didn’t understand. “You’re on one of our teams, though, aren’t you? I’m afraid I don’t know which sport you play.”

 

Yeah, she figured as much. Though the fencing was kind of neat, she supposed. Jasper didn't understand how a sport involving  _ swords _ could be so tame, but it was better than Peridot's hobby of holing herself up and watching television for hours. Jasper couldn't sit still that long if she was paid to do it.

 

Jasper got to her feet and gently kicked the cabinet closed.

 

"Wrestling. Middleweight. Season just started up, but it's going well so far."

 

She pulled a plastic sports water bottle from the box with her name messily scrawled on it and placed it on the counter.

 

"Those were some other girls from the team."

 

That at least removed the possibility that Jasper was in a gang, probably, and that was… certainly a relief.  _ Wrestling _ wasn’t what Pearl would have guessed, but it did make some sense. Pearl hadn’t ever been inclined toward contact sports, outside of dance, and even then it was… iffy. Pearl liked being touched, liked contact, but it was such a risk. What if other girls found out?

 

“I would’ve guessed lacrosse,” Pearl admitted, resolutely releasing the hem of her dress before she could stretch it with her nervous fidgeting. “Is it fun? You and the girl with the dreadlocks seem close.”

 

Jasper snorted. Okay, Pearl  _ really _ didn't know sports if she pegged Jasper as a lax girl.

 

"Lacrosse is for rich brats," she explained bluntly. "Definitely not for me. But yeah, I love wrestling. Nothing else I'd rather be doing, and I'm pretty damn good at it."

 

Then there was Pearl's other comment. 'Seem close' sure sounded like a straight girl's way of trying to figure out if they were an item. 

 

"Bismuth and I have been friends for awhile, before I came here, even. We're both here on scholarships."

 

Damn. She had to go and open her fat mouth. Now Pearl was going to judge her for being gay  _ and _ stupid-- the latter of which she was not. Yes, she had managed to get into WEU based on athleticism more than grades, but that didn't mean some computer engineer could think less of her for it. 

 

"You might know my other friend, Peridot. She hardly ever leaves the computer lab."

 

Rich brats—Pearl wondered if Jasper would have applied that term to her. Fencing had more of a dramatic flair. “I only guessed lacrosse because I know there’s a girls’ team,” she admitted, dropping her gaze. That she knew there was a girls team because she could sometimes see their morning practices from her window was something Jasper didn’t need to know. She needed to know that Pearl enjoyed watching those practices even less. 

 

Bismuth, that was her name. Pearl would have to remember it. She could have sworn the word was familiar, but…

 

“Peridot?” Pearl looked up, surprised that they  _ did _ know someone in common. “I know her. We’ve been partners on a few projects…” To somewhat mixed results. The other girl was impossible to work with, but she could debug faster than anyone Pearl had ever worked with. 

 

“You must be very good, if you both got scholarships,” Pearl said, managing a nervous smile. “I applied for several grants—essay based—but I got rejected.”

 

Shiiiit. Pearl probably was rich herself. Jasper hadn't considered that before the thin insult came out of her mouth. Pearl's friends would probably walk through the door later in full lax gear. 

 

Maybe that whole 'having a filter' thing was something Jasper should start considering.

 

Maybe.

 

"Yeah, I know, Peridot and I seem like unlikely friends. We are. And trust me, I know how she can be."

 

Pearl hadn't exactly sounded thrilled to have been paired up with her, and she knew her friend preferred to work alone if possible. Thinking of her now, Jasper peeked at her phone to see if she had any new messages from her. Nothing. From anyone.

 

She was probably busy comforting Lapis. Jasper's stomach churned.

 

"I really don't feel like unpacking," she mumbled.

 

“You don’t have to right away,” Pearl pointed out, seeing the way Jasper’s shoulders seemed to slump, just a little. Pearl wondered if it was something she had said, but knew she would never have the guts to ask directly. She chewed the inside of her cheek, unsure of what to really do like this.

 

Pearl was acutely aware that if there were a way to grade someone’s people skills, she would soundly fail. She wasn’t like Yvette, who picked up social cues without even trying. She wasn’t like Belle, who at least didn’t screw up every time she interacted with other human beings. 

 

“It might be counter-intuitive to shower before you unpack, but you’re welcome to do that, if you’d like. I should get started on dinner and find out when--or if--Garnet and Amethyst are due back,” she said, “We replaced the shower head with one with some pressure settings. It might help you relax.”

 

"Seriously?" Jasper asked, impressed. "I'm starting to feel like I got a room upgrade."

 

She collected her now empty box and started to head for her room again before pausing.

 

"And I know I'm kind of invading your space here. So, thanks. For being cool about it."

 

A lot of girls would have just given her dirty looks and locked away their valuables around her (even though the only thing she'd ever stolen was a pack of gum when she was three years old).

 

Pearl couldn’t disagree with that; she had seen some of the other dorms, and none of them were very accommodating. Their room was nice, even if having a fourth person to share the space with would surely make things a little difficult for a while.

 

“I’m pretty sure the burst pipe wasn’t something you caused. You’re just as uprooted as we are,” Pearl said, pushing back her hair nervously. Maybe that was too presumptuous. Jasper probably would have preferred to room with people she knew, not get absorbed into a group of girls who had nothing in common with her. She paused, worrying her lower lip, and then mustered up a smile. “But I hope we can make the best of it. Maybe it will be good for all of us.”

 

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "Hopefully."

 

If her other two roommates were quiet and agreeable, albeit awkward, like Pearl, Jasper could easily get used to the new arrangements. Maybe even find an unlikely friend as she had with Peri.

 

"I'll, uh, get out of your way," she murmured.

 

She knew she was being a downer. In her current state, Jasper didn't have an abundance of optimism. Pearl was probably right; a shower would do her good. Get her back in the right frame of mind. Coach always said most of the battle, whether on the mat or in life, was in your attitude. 

 

She stepped into her room and dug for her shower caddy and towels before trudging off to the bathroom on the opposite side of the suite, leaving the door cracked slightly to let the steam out. As soon as she was stripped and under the hot water, Jasper let out a deep sigh and relaxed.

 

Pearl wanted to protest--Jasper wasn’t in her way, not in a bad way, not in such a way where she needed to make a quick escape. But the kitchenette wasn’t very roomy, and it was certainly difficult to work around another person, much less another person Jasper’s size.

 

She was quick to fill her pot with water--cold, so as not to disrupt Jasper’s shower--and then belatedly sent texts out to her roommates. Amethyst confirmed that she would be out late, but also that she wanted onions in her pasta, and Pearl wondered how she lived. But onions were easily diced and set in a smaller container for Amethyst’s portion. 

 

Garnet texted back an affirmation that she wouldn’t be long, and for that, Pearl was somewhat relieved. As nice as it was to have the kitchen to herself, she knew it was only a matter of time before Jasper emerged from the shower--and that was a whole slough of problems on its own.

 

Pearl didn’t know her shower habits. Didn’t know if Jasper were like Amethyst, who barely bothered with a towel at all, or if she had the decency to dress in the bathroom like--well, Pearl supposed that, since she was the only one who did it, it hardly made her the normal one. 

 

She shouldn’t be thinking about Jasper in the shower, anyway.

 

Color rose in her cheeks, and stirring the pasta to keep it from sticking to the pan wasn’t very distracting. Jasper was attractive. Pearl hadn’t ever really thought about whether she had a type, but a combination of long hair and broad shoulders probably wasn’t far off. Unfortunately for her, her roommate didn’t seem to like her. 

 

Pearl wondered if she could tell. Wondered if Jasper had taken one look at her and guessed her secret, and if she disliked her for it. If that were the case, she  _ definitely _ shouldn’t be thinking of her that way.

 

The pasta didn’t take long, and Pearl doled out dishes for three, and put away the rest for Amethyst. She wasn’t sure which sauce Jasper would like, so that would have to wait. For herself, butter and rice seasoning was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet comes back for spaghetti night, to a less than ideal second-meeting with Jasper. Pearl and Jasper dance around the elephant in the room.

"I'm back," came a voice from the outside hallway. The door clicked open, and Garnet came in, her sunglasses tucked into her hair and her jacket slung over her shoulder. She gave Pearl a friendly smile when she spotted her setting their table.

 

With practiced ease, Garnet tossed her bag onto the couch before going into the kitchen and starting to fill glasses of water for each person. She did a double take at the table.

 

"Four plates," she observed aloud. "Guess that means we've got a new guest in our shower."

 

She could hear the water turning off and the shower door clanging open as she spoke.

 

“The RA did say it would be today or tomorrow,” Pearl supplied, slipping around the table to put her arms around Garnet’s midsection for a tight hug. Garnet’s presence did wonders for her nerves, and she peered up at her with a faint smile. “She’s on the wrestling team. She hasn’t unpacked yet, so it might be noisy tonight, but her friends moved everything in at once.”

 

"Wrestling, huh? She's not one of Amethyst's cousins, is she? I don't know if your nerves can take that," Garnet joked, happily returning Pearl's hug. Garnet was the type to be extremely affectionate with her friends, especially Pearl. The two had known each other practically forever and had been attached at the hip since elementary school. If this mysterious roommate was anything like Amethyst, Garnet was sure she'd be hugging her too before long.

 

"But I don't mind noisy," she said. "I don't have to be up early tomorrow. Did you offer to help her unpack?"

 

Pearl understood personal boundaries more than Amethyst when it came to getting into other people's belongings, but she also knew her friend was no stranger to folding other people's laundry with an almost cheerful attitude. If Pearl wanted to hang her shirts up for her, Garnet was happy to pass off the chore sometimes.

 

“If she is, there’s no resemblance,” Pearl admitted ruefully, but she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Or Amethyst would loudly inform everyone in a ten mile radius when she got home and met her. The pink-haired girl paused to worry her bottom lip for a moment. Garnet wasn’t wrong about Pearl’s nerves. “I wasn’t sure if it’d be appropriate to offer. Would it seem weird? I think she found it weird that I offered to make her dinner.”

 

"I think you're overthinking. She can always decline," Garnet said, setting the cups on the table and tossing some napkins into the center of it. Maybe she should have gotten the glass cups instead of the plastic and really jazzed it up. This was a welcome dinner, after all. "You never look like an ass for offering to help. And you always make dinner on spaghetti night."

 

Which, as usual, smelled amazing. Garnet's mouth was watering.

 

But it quickly went dry.

 

The bathroom door creaked open and Jasper emerged followed by a wave of steam-- one towel wrapped around her waist and another burgundy one draped over her shoulders, preserving at least some of her modesty up top. Her hair was a bit wild, towel-dried and undone from its usual ponytail, left to roll down her back and cling in some spots to her bare skin where it was still damp. The water had done wonders to relax her, and she felt refreshed. That lasted the five seconds it took for her to step out and see her new roommate standing there with Pearl.

 

Jasper stopped in her tracks when she met Garnet's eyes and a flash of realization crossed them both.

 

Suddenly, Jasper's expression changed. Her brow knit in anger and she scowled at the other woman.

 

"You," she said in a sour growl.

 

"Howdy," Garnet said, keeping her cool. That only seemed to rile Jasper up more. She absolutely recognized the wrestler-- and unfortunately for her, she wasn't part of Amethyst's family.

 

Pearl’s breath caught at the sight of Jasper, barely decent by anyone’s standards, still damp from her shower. It wasn’t as if she didn’t already realize that the girl was attractive—but the sports bra she must have been wearing had certainly hidden some of her more  _ impressive _ assets. 

 

And all too quickly, the air shifted; Jasper looked furious, but her gaze was firmly trained on Garnet, and that at least meant that Jasper hadn’t somehow decided to hate  _ her _ in the last twenty minutes.

 

But it didn’t bode well for this roommate arrangement.

 

“Ah…” Pearl looked between them uncertainly, brows knit together in worry. “You two… know each other?"

 

"Hmm," Garnet's lips formed a line. "We met before," she vaguely explained to Pearl.

 

A month ago the college had been throwing a fair on campus to welcome students. Garnet had gladly taken advantage of the opportunity to listen to loud pop music, eat hot dogs, and get a couple of free t-shirts. It was a pretty sweet deal. They even had a volleyball game going on.

 

And Jasper was dominating. She didn't take any sports lightly, even friendly rounds. She was unbeatable, completely absorbed in the adrenaline that came from playing and winning. It had resulted in her talking up a big game, verbally trashing everyone on the opposing side. So naturally, Garnet had to stroll up and put her in her place.

 

With an accidental volleyball to the face.

 

She'd offered to help her to the nurse, told her how sorry she was, but Jasper kept shoving her off, screaming at her and telling her to get lost. So she did, and, feeling guilty, went back to mention the fiasco to Pearl. She hadn't much thought of it since then. But now Jasper was staring at her, the same anger in her eyes as there was over a month ago.

 

"How's your nose?" Garnet asked.

 

"Not broken anymore," Jasper growled, all of her tensing.

 

“Oh! Oh God,” Pearl’s hands flew to her mouth, blue eyes going impossibly wide. She couldn’t really tell at a glance, but now that she knew it had been broken once, it was a little evident that Jasper’s nose was a bit crooked. Garnet had told her the details, but somehow she hadn’t actually expected that her unintentional victim had  _ broken _ anything. 

 

She didn’t know what to do like this. Garnet obviously wasn’t holding a grudge—and why should she?—but Jasper…

 

“I’m glad it healed up,” Pearl supplied, knowing that wasn’t necessarily  _ helping _ but unsure of what else to do or say.

 

"You're damn lucky it only took a couple weeks to heal!" Jasper said, ignoring Pearl for now. Her hands were gripping the towel hanging over her shoulders now, holding on so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. "A smashed nose doesn't do me any good if my face is against the mat. But thank you for caring." Her tone was biting, and it was obvious she was being sarcastic. "And thank you for making me look like a complete idiot in front of everyone!"

 

Garnet wanted to point out that Jasper was doing quite well on that front all on her own, but she held her tongue on that one.

 

Hiding behind Garnet was sounding more and more appealing. Actually, hiding in her  _ room _ sounded like a marvelous idea, but that would mean somehow getting past Jasper, and Pearl knew that she didn’t have the nerve to try slipping past a nearly-naked girl she didn’t know, much less one that was furious.

 

Instinct had her hand curled around Garnet’s elbow, and she swallowed hard. She  _ had _ heard rumors that Jasper was volatile, after all. It was lucky that Garnet was hard to ruffle. 

 

“I need to put sauce on the stove,” she managed, but her voice didn’t carry, and she squeezed Garnet’s arm before slipping back into the kitchen.

 

So much for a successful spaghetti welcome dinner.

 

The tension in the air was stifling, and Garnet knew it was making Pearl uncomfortable. Garnet wasn't easily phased by confrontation, but Pearl absolutely dreaded it. Jasper could stand here and yell at her all day until she felt better, but not if it was in front of Pearl.

 

"I really am sorry," Garnet tried. "It was a complete accident."

 

Jasper could see she was making Pearl even more nervous than before. Despite her overwhelming anger, she didn't need to be making another enemy. One in the room was enough.

 

"We got off on the wrong note," Garnet continued. She stuck out her hand. "I'm Garnet."

 

Jasper stared at the extended hand for a moment before brushing past her, slipping into her room, and slamming her door.

 

A moment of silence fell over the room.

 

"That… could have gone worse," Garnet said.

 

Pearl jumped a little at the way Jasper slamming the door shook the walls, closing her eyes briefly while she tried to gather her thoughts. Yes, that could have been much worse, but if she thought too hard on  _ that _ she’d only upset herself more. It was bad enough that she could still vividly remember how much blood had been on Garnet’s tank top after that little run-in.

 

“I’m glad it didn’t,” she confessed, “I… suppose if she doesn’t come back out, I’ll just bring hers to her.”

 

"She'll come 'round," Garnet assured her. Even when she had no idea what was going to happen, she was there to put Pearl more at ease. But she was also a decent people reader; analyzing was kind of her thing.

 

"Not everyone deals with their anger in the same way. She could have given me a good punch that day and broken  _ my _ nose, but she didn't." 

 

That at least meant she wasn't going to be violent about it. It wasn't fair to assume that a jacked up jock was always going to solve things with violence.

 

"I think we'll end up unlikely friends. Eventually."

 

It might take until graduation at the earliest...

 

“That would be nice,” Pearl said somewhat distractedly. She wasn’t sure she  _ could _ be friends with someone who hated her best friend on Earth, but eventually was… something. Pearl glanced toward the hall, even though she couldn’t see Jasper’s door from her position in the kitchen, and sighed. “Let’s just hope Amethyst hasn’t had any bad run-ins with her."

 

"Aw, come on, who couldn't like Amethyst?" She said, giving Pearl's shoulder a squeeze. "And it is my fault, after all. I shouldn't have spiked it so hard. Sometimes I forget my strength." 

 

She was guiding Pearl back to the table, hoping to get her to sit and eat before she lost the appetite for it. 

 

"Say, how'd that quiz go for you? Wasn't that today?" Garnet asked, hoping to distract her.

 

Garnet was impossibly good at that. Pearl sat without having to be told to and managed a weak smile. “It’s all numbers, so it wasn’t too bad. Of course, now that I’ve said that, I may have jinxed it…” Pearl laughed weakly, absently knocking on the table out of habit more than anything. “My afternoon course got cancelled, so I cleaned things up in here. I didn’t get to the oven, though.”

 

"Looks like you got a whole lot else done, though," Garnet said, taking her seat across from her. "You didn't happen to try one of my ideas on Amethyst’s room, did you? I like my plan of zip tying the handle of a can of air freshener and tossing it in like a grenade."

 

_ There _ was a mental image. Pearl couldn’t help giggling at the idea. “If it’s a cleaning product, she’ll blame me,” she pointed out, absently prodding at her spaghetti with her fork. “And I won’t survive whatever she does to retaliate.”

 

"You know, that's a good point. I keep forgetting to calculate revenge into that scenario. And I'm sure Amethyst could come up with some pretty terrible things for you."

 

Garnet shook her head, smiling as she swirled some pasta onto her fork. "But it wouldn't kill her to open a window in there."

 

Pearl couldn’t have disagreed with that if she’d wanted to. The rules against burning candles in the dorm meant that they couldn’t subtly gift her something like that, and Amethyst’s propensity for not tying her hair back and paying no attention whatsoever to what she was doing almost guaranteed she would catch herself on fire. 

 

It was easy to talk to Garnet while she ate, even if Pearl’s stomach protested audibly to food of any kind and amount. She hoped she wouldn’t be sick later, but it was anyone’s guess.

 

“She said she’d be back late,” Pearl said absently, “I doubt she’s off studying, though."

 

"Oh, Amethyst? I'm sure she's studying something. But it's definitely not academics. Maybe dancing, or how to drain a couple beers."

 

Garnet still didn't hear any stirring coming from Jasper's room. She thought for sure if they'd carried on as usual, Jasper would just swallow her pride and come out for something to eat. Jasper must have been loads more prideful than she'd initially anticipated.

 

Under her breath, Pearl murmured something about Amethyst dying of alcohol poisoning one day, even though it wasn’t likely, and the other girl was generally responsible enough not to wake up in strange places. She sighed at length, glancing toward the hall. “I should see if she wants me to put up her food,” she said, steeling herself for the task. Her own plate was mostly empty, anyway, but Jasper’s was still sans-sauce and probably drying rapidly. 

 

It took some courage. Pearl hated that she  _ needed _ courage for something so mundane. She slipped away from the table and padded down the hall, pausing in front of Jasper’s door for a moment, before knocking. “Jasper?”

 

Jasper was startled by the sound, sitting up from where she'd been lying in her bed. She hadn't done much else but pull on a pair of pyjama shorts and a muscle tee. Oh and start tearing up, of course. That had started as soon as she'd shut the door earlier. She felt like an idiot. She shouldn't have gotten so angry at Garnet, she knew. Garnet just turned out to be a catalyst for all the things she'd been trying to suppress that day. She sure was great at at pushing people away, wasn't she? So instead of ignoring Pearl again, she took a deep breath.

 

"Uh, hang on a sec," she replied, getting to her feet. She opened the door and hoped her red eyes weren't too noticeable.

 

"Hey..."

 

It was hard to miss, if only because Pearl knew the signs all too well; having two sisters involved an awful lot of crying, and one of those sisters being stubborn like Yvette involved an awful lot of denying it was happening at all. Pearl tried to smile, but she knew it was a little unsteady, knew her nervousness was impossible to miss.

 

“I wanted to make sure you still wanted your dinner,” she said, fidgeting a little with her ring. “I ah… I didn’t know how much sauce you would want, if any, but if you’d rather eat later, I can put it up for you.” She paused, and then, in a fit of daring, added; “I hope you’re okay.”

 

Jasper crossed her arms across her chest defensively, looking off to the side.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just..." she scrubbed a hand over her forehead. "Look, I'm having a really rough week. I was being stupid."

 

Her mouth felt full of cotton. Was she overloading on this poor stranger? A stranger who probably thought she was weird enough?

 

“It’s okay. It happens to everyone,” Pearl said uncertainly, chewing the inside of her cheek. “I… obviously, it isn’t my business, and we barely know one another, but if I can help, I’d like to.”

 

"I really don't want to talk about it," Jasper said, wanting to close in on herself. But Pearl was only trying to be nice.

 

"And you probably don't want the earful I could give. But... eating sounds good."

 

She pursed her lips.

 

"Is Garnet still out there?"

 

Of course Jasper didn’t want to talk about it, not with her, and it took some conscious effort not to let that get to her. It didn’t mean Jasper disliked her, it meant that they’d  _ just met today _ . 

 

“She is,” Pearl said, “Amethyst’s not back yet, but Garnet’s finishing her food.”

 

She paused, swallowed hard, and pushed her hair away from her eyes nervously. “But er… that is, of course, you don’t have to. But the offer’s open. I’m a decent listener.”

 

"I think I'll just get my food and bring it in here," she said gruffly. Just because she was irrationally and disproportionately angry at Garnet didn't mean she wasn't still feeling it. 

 

"I've got to put the sheets on my bed and crack open some of these boxes before the night's over," served as a thin excuse.

 

But Pearl was trying again. It was rude to brush her off. If Bismuth were here, she'd slap her for denying a pretty girl's help. And then she'd probably whip up some fake tears and claim she needed Pearl's shoulder for herself.

 

"You can… join me. If you want."

 

There was some nagging part of Pearl’s mind that simply  _ had _ to point out that she’d somehow coerced Jasper into offering, and how inappropriate it was to invite herself into someone else’s room, but even with that thought in the back of her head, her eyes lit up at the offer.

 

Yvette had long teased her for that; for the way she couldn’t hide anything at all. Pearl was an easy read, in her sister’s eyes, even if she’d never figured out her secret. 

 

“I’d like it,” Pearl managed, stepping back from Jasper’s door with some uncertainty. “I ah--I do have to put up the dishes, but I could join you after?”

 

"Sure," Jasper said. "I'll just leave my door open."

 

She slipped past Pearl on her way to the kitchen and found her plate, glancing at Garnet uneasily. She looked up and met her eyes but didn't say a word. That was probably for the best; anything she could say would probably just agitate Jasper more. So far, Garnet did have much a reason to like  _ her _ either.

 

Silently, Jasper collected her food and hid away in her room once more.

 

Pearl slipped back into the kitchen after Jasper had returned to her room, gathered up her plate to rinse it off, and paused to press a light kiss to Garnet’s cheek. “I’m going to help Jasper unpack,” she said, giving her best friend’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll have my phone, though.”

 

"I knew you couldn't resist helping," Garnet teased her. "I'll probably just be doing some homework. But if I have any trouble with the algebra, I'll save some problems for you."

 

She too went to rinse her plate. Of course she didn't mind Pearl being kind to their new roommate. That was expected. Garnet would have joined her in any other scenario. She'd helped Amethyst move in, even when that involved carrying various cacti, a giant and very worn bean bag chair, and several actual rocks up the stairs to their apartment.

 

"They're  _ crystals _ Garnet, and they're awesome!"

 

And heavy, Garnet had pointed out. But they were pretty cool.

 

But, like she'd said to Pearl, maybe she and Jasper just needed time. With her dish away, she flopped onto the couch, put her earbuds in, and cranked up her music.

 

Jasper, meanwhile, was shoveling forkfuls of pasta into her mouth while ripping open boxes and scattering things about. Her sheets and comforter were tossed in a heap on the bed and a mess of makeup was already dumped onto her desk.

 

It was always nice to hear that--Pearl knew that Garnet could handle her workload perfectly well, but it meant so much more than she knew how to articulate that she could help her with something. Even if that something was as trivial as algebra. 

 

Pearl considered, briefly, changing her sweatpants. The bloodstain hadn’t been noticed yet, but it still loomed at the back of her mind. Of course, Jasper was a girl, and she probably experienced the same problem at least once in her life, but still…

 

The pink-haired girl shook her head and slipped into her own room to change into jeggings; she could at least pocket her phone, that way, and not spend the entire time she was in Jasper’s room worrying about looking like a slob.

 

...Not that Jasper seemed worried about that, from the way she’d tossed boxes of virtually everything all over. She really could have passed for one of Amethyst’s cousins, after all, and Pearl wondered if all rough-and-tumble girls were like that.

 

“Knock knock,” she said, leaning inside, “Is there, er… anywhere you don’t want me to be?”

 

"Huh?" Jasper looked up briefly from where she was sorting through her collection of cosmetics. She  _ knew _ her favorite peach eyeshadow palette was packed away, but she didn't see it and hoped it didn't fall out somewhere because-- oh there it was. Good. Shrugged towards Pearl.

 

"No, wherever is good. I don't have anything to hide."

 

Well, that wasn't entirely true. One small plastic container had already been carefully shoved beneath the bed, so she didn't have to worry about Pearl digging into that. And nothing about her other dorm supplies in particular screamed she was a lesbian.

 

"You can see; I don't have all that much anyway."

 

“It does look like unpacking and organizing won’t take long, between two of us…” Pearl mused, stifling a smile behind her hand at the considerable array of makeup on Jasper’s desk. She supposed it made sense; being into sports was hardly incompatible with wanting to be seen as traditionally attractive, especially in the highly likely event that Jasper wanted to be noticed by boys.

 

Not that girls were better about it. While Pearl didn’t wear much in the way of makeup herself, Rose had, and she’d always looked absurdly beautiful in it. But then, Rose was the absurdly beautiful type to begin with. 

 

Pearl could feel the hole in her chest all over again, and she quickly dropped her gaze, then turned her attention toward Jasper’s bed. “Here, I’ll take care of the bedding, at least. Then if you need to sort anything, you’ll have a surface besides the floor for it.” And making a bed wasn’t weird, probably. She kind of suspected that helping Jasper populate her closet would be more invasive. 

 

"Oh. Thanks. I appreciate it." Jasper threw her a smile and opened a drawer on her desk. With a sweep of her arm, she haphazardly poured all of her makeup into it and pushed it closed.

 

"You don't actually have to do anything if you don't want to. But it's better to have someone to talk to when I do this. Otherwise I'd probably just keep putting it off."

 

She took another bite of spaghetti before kneeling and cracking open a plastic tote. She pulled out a golden trophy and placed that on the desk. 

 

"So… You live in-state?"

 

“I like helping—if I sat around the whole time, I’d feel useless.”

 

She felt useless more often than not, but Jasper needn’t know that. She took to finding the corners of the bed cover, turning it absently in hand. “On the very edge—it’s a long drive. But it’s cheaper for residents. My sisters both went to school out of state, so I tried to make it easier on my parents.”

 

"Sisters?" Jasper asked, sounding a little surprised as she pulled out a stack of school books and unceremoniously dropped them beside the trophy. "So then you've got more than one?"

 

“We’re triplets,” Pearl replied, smoothing the blanket down over the far corner of Jasper’s bed. She wondered, idly, if the dorm beds were even  _ comfortable _ for someone Jasper’s size—she was taller than Garnet, and certainly broader. “I’m the middle one. I think. Yvette insists she remembers being first, which is obviously a lie. But Belle was definitely last. It seems a little strange to name triplets out of alphabetical order, though, isn’t it?” She laughed, a little nervously. “Maybe that’s just me. My mother doesn’t think that way at all. Papa is just glad there aren’t four of us, since it’s bad luck.”

 

"Is it? Never heard that one before. I thought it was 13. I think  _ that _ would be an unlucky number of sisters," Jasper joked, adding a box of tissues and a pack of pens and pencils to the collection building on her desk. 

 

"Do your sisters, like, look exactly like you?"

 

“In Japan it’s four;  _ shi _ can be written as the number, or as death. But it’s the same idea. They don’t have fourth floors in most elevators, just like there aren’t buttons for the thirteenth here. Papa’s side of the family is superstitious,” Pearl explained almost absently, moving on to orienting Jasper’s sheets next. 

 

That was the question everyone asked. Pearl almost snorted. “Yvette’s hair is a very vivid blonde,” she said, “And Belle’s is blue, which is the  _ only _ wild thing she’s ever done in her life. But we’re nothing alike. I don’t even think those old photos—you know, where parents dress their children to match, for Easter and Christmas? I’m sure we’re easy to tell apart. I would be the one covered in bandaids.”

 

"I've only got step-siblings. And we're not close."

 

Jasper looked over and tried to picture Pearl with a different hair color. Pink suited her so well, though.  It was a pretty shade, slightly fading, but it complimented her tone so nicely. The cut of it framed her face too...

 

Damn. Pearl was really cute.

 

Aaaaand now Jasper was staring. She pried her eyes away and tried to cover her accidental checking out with another bite of dinner.

 

"Guess that bandaid thing means you're a klutz?"

 

“I’d hope not, with all the years of ballet I had to go through,” Pearl said. She wondered, briefly, about Jasper’s step-siblings, but supposed that if they weren’t close, she wouldn’t likely meet them. It wasn’t as if she were going to visit her over holidays!

 

Still, the answer to that question… Pearl paused, then swallowed. “I was bullied a lot,” she said, “When I was little, I’d try to fight back, but I’ve always been small. My sisters made friends with the right people early. I didn’t have Garnet to protect me until elementary school.”

 

"Oh. Damn."

 

Jasper felt genuinely awkward now. She had been a bit of a bully as a kid herself. She liked to pick fights and had been sent to the office more times than she cared to count. Her counselor said it had something to do with her insecurities and the fact that she had trouble socializing with girls and a huge temper toward boys. Luckily, she'd been given an outlet for her aggression and she liked to think she'd grown out of it. Mostly. Remembering her temper with Garnet just moments ago didn't make her feel so great.

 

"Well. It's good you had Garnet."

 

She paused a moment. Pearl had really known her that long? And now they were rooming together in college?

 

"You two must be close," she said, echoing Pearl's words from earlier.

 

Pearl caught that, and hearing it aimed back at her, it sounded a little more barbed than she had meant to come off, asking about Bismuth earlier. 

 

"I wanted to grow up to be a prince," Pearl murmured, smothering a somewhat guilty smile. She didn't have the nerve to face Jasper while she spoke, and instead fussed with the bedding even though it could have passed a military inspection. "But instead, I found mine. Mother's very disappointed that we're incompatible. She says I'll never make papa's side of the family happy if I have Garnet to compare people against."

 

Pearl paused, afraid she'd said too much, but there was so much more she could say of Garnet. "We're soulmates, if you believe that's possible without romance. Cut from the same cloth, grandmother says."

 

Jasper almost felt a lump in her throat, but swallowed it quickly. She'd thought Pearl was making some kind of confession. A little girl dreaming about being a prince and then 'finding one' in another woman... that was such a gay thing to say. 

 

But then Pearl added 'without romance' and Jasper abandoned that line of thought. Pearl was just another straight girl waxing poetic about how she wish she could 'just switch to girls! Because that would be so much easier!' But have absolutely no interest in anything but men.

 

Jasper wondered if she was just making a bigger deal out of Pearl's words than she should have.

 

"Hm. Not sure if I believe in soulmates at all," Jasper replied, opening up the empty wardrobe against the wall.

 

"Isn't it a nice idea to believe in? That someone in the world complements you completely, and together, you're whole?" Pearl's voice wavered, and she swallowed hard, tried to forget the safety she had convinced herself she'd found with Rose. 

 

In a smaller voice, she added, "Maybe it works better without romance."

 

But she didn't believe that. Garnet's parents were soulmates personified. Ruby and Sapphire were the most fulfilled, enamored pair she had ever seen. 

 

"Maybe the problem is me."

 

That seemed more likely, even if Pearl didn't mean to say it aloud.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl is not happy to hear about Jasper's friends ignoring her. She's even less happy when Jasper turns her questions against her.

  
  


Pearl was right about one thing at least. The idea of soulmates did sound nice. Jasper wanted to feel like she had someone to complete her.

 

She had felt that way about Lapis, in a way. They'd come together unexpectedly and against such wild odds that she'd thought they must have been meant to be together. But the longer their relationship went on, the more drained Jasper felt, and she had lost her in the end anyhow. Alone again.

 

Maybe Pearl had never had a boyfriend. Or if she did, they had rejected her like Jasper had been rejected many times before. That made a lot of sense. But what could Jasper possibly say to that?

 

She ripped open a garbage bag full of clothes and started to hang a shirt as she thought about all of this.

 

"Well, come on, don't be all down on yourself," Jasper said with sincerity. "I'm… actually going through a breakup myself right now. So I guess I don't have the best outlook on love at the moment. But you're young. You're in college. You'll find a boyfriend easily."

 

The last thing Pearl needed was some no account, no degree, no prospects  _ boyfriend _ with a guitar ruining her dreams and destroying her life, but that thought was one she knew came from jealousy, and one she didn’t dare to share outright with Jasper.

 

_ Going through a breakup _ . That hardly sounded like Jasper was the one to initiate it. Pearl peered over at her finally, drawn away from her thoughts by the strangeness of her wording.

 

“ _ Going through _ ,” Pearl repeated, brows creased with concern. “It isn’t just… over, and they’re gone?” She couldn’t imagine Jasper as the type to do anything but pull the bandaid off in one go. Color dusted her cheeks, and she raised her hands placatingly. “I’ve—that is, I’ve only… been left once. I don’t have a lot of experience. Isn’t it worse if he leaves you wondering?”

 

Jasper paused. It stung so strongly, knowing that Lapis didn't want to hold on any longer. Lapis, who had told Jasper they were going to be together forever, and who never left her side. Now Jasper just… wasn't good enough.

 

"I guess," Jasper said at last, realizing she'd left the silence a little too long. "I still wanted what we had to keep going so it could get better. When it was good, it was good! Now it's over, and I'm left all alone to move on and wonder what the hell I did wrong. But it isn't easy."

 

Jasper hadn't wanted to dump this on some girl she'd just met, but here it was, flowing out of her mouth anyway.

 

That sounded awfully, painfully, eerily familiar. That when it was good, it was so good, so very good that the bad parts were easily forgotten. What Pearl wouldn't have given for another one of Rose's brilliant smiles turned her way! 

 

"Um..." Pearl started, uncertain with what she was about to offer, but sure that she should at least try. She stepped soundlessly toward the other girl, resolutely coming to stand near her and trying desperately not to lose her nerve. "I'm not... good at this, at guessing what to say. And I don't want to make you feel worse." It was a good preface, she hoped, before uncertain fingers found the back of Jasper's elbow. "But you aren't alone, Jasper. You don't have to be."

 

Jasper almost jerked away. Pearl didn't know her. Pearl didn't understand her. Pearl didn't even know she was talking about a break up with a woman! If she did, she'd probably be out of the room right now and gossiping with Garnet. 

 

But she couldn't exactly get angry at her for that, even if some part of her wanted to. Pearl was trying to be nice.

 

"Uh. Thanks." She said, turning toward her. "I just kind of meant 'alone' like, without a partner. I still have friends. Even though... none of them have texted me back." Jasper sighed.

 

"Are you always this nice?"

 

Oh no, Pearl thought, she should have known better. Being forward wasn’t something she was good at, and perhaps, for once, she’d been right. It was the first time she’d touched Jasper at all, and she could see in the way her muscles tensed that it hadn’t been taken well. 

 

She dropped her hand as if scalded.

 

Without a partner… well, Pearl couldn’t offer Jasper that if she were into boys. “I’m not very good at it,” Pearl admitted, eyes downcast. “I just… how you described it, it’s exactly what I felt when I got dumped, so…”

 

Dumped wasn’t the right word. Then she paused and looked up at Jasper, brows furrowed. “None of them are texting you back? What about Bismuth?”

 

"Well, Bis is out at some party tonight. She invited me to go with her earlier, but I'm really not in the mood to drink. And I'm really not a one-night-stand kind of person."

 

Jasper abandoned hanging clothes, having not put a dent in the bag at all. Instead she sat on her bed, the frame creaking as she sat. 

 

"Peridot won't talk to me. And… yeah I guess that's kind of where my friends end at the moment. And here I am, about ready to punch my new roommate the moment I see her and being a total weirdo in front of you, when all you're doing is being nice."

 

What Pearl said lingered in the back of her mind. She'd gone through a similar break up... not exactly the best thing to have in common.

 

“Well, that excuses Bismuth for  _ tonight _ , but if she starts ignoring you…” Pearl knew she was being too bold here, knew it wasn’t her place, knew Jasper didn’t want her help or her useless input. “I’ll text her for you. If you’re alright with me using your phone. I’m much better at lecturing over text.”

 

That part was meant as a joke, but… Pearl had a feeling it would fall flat, and she frowned deeply. “And I’ve got my lab with Peridot tomorrow. If she hasn’t talked to you by then, I can handle her. We’re both nerds, so I think I know how to lean on someone like her to get results.” 

 

She paused, fidgeting again with her ring. “I know none of this is my place, I just… can’t stand that kind of thing. I think I’d be dead or strung out on drugs, or who-knows-what if Garnet hadn’t been there when I needed her. I can’t imagine being high and dry after that and making it through.”

 

Jasper didn't say anything at first. Why was this girl so interested in her life? Did she actually care? Or did she just have nothing better to do? The latter seemed highly likely. 

 

But then the thought of Pearl messing with Peridot made her snort. Yeah, Pearl  _ might _ just be okay.

 

"Picturing you bitching Bismuth out is a great mental image, you know. I think you could scare her," she gave Pearl a smile. "Although… you don't exactly seem the loud, revenge-seeking, rebellious type."

 

Pearl felt her cheeks flush a little. No, she didn’t suppose she seemed it, by American standards. But at least Jasper was smiling a little, and  _ that _ was nice to see. 

 

“I never stopped wanting to be a prince,” she admitted, “I… if it’s for my own sake, I’m not very assertive. But it’s impossible to have sisters without being at least a  _ little _ overprotective. And you haven’t seen me fight with Amethyst yet.”

 

The pink-haired girl paused, then chuckled, although it was quiet and maybe a  _ little _ self-depreciating. “Papa’s family thinks I’m all of those things. The worst granddaughter. Grandmother encourages it, though. She says it’s good to fight for your friends, whether you’re a girl or not.”

 

"Yeah," Jasper replied without thinking. Then she gave a nod, sitting up a little. "Yeah, you know what? To hell with all that gender stereotype bullshit," she said. "You can be a prince if you want, Pearl. Pick up a sword, save some damsel in distress, slay that little green-sneaker-wearing troll in the computer lab."

 

She crossed her arms across her chest and smiled.

 

"Although I won't believe it til I see it."

 

There was a surprise, and Pearl smiled a little more easily, and she placed her hands on her hips, leaning forward close to Jasper’s face. “You know you’re the damsel in this situation,” she pointed out. “And you won’t have to see it; you’ll hear her scream when I’m done with her.”

 

Jasper felt heat shoot up the back of her neck. Jesus, Pearl was something else! Why did she have to be straight?

 

"D-Damn," she said. "Alright! You better deliver with a claim like that then. And invest in some earplugs. When that girl screams it's like some kind of banshee screech."

 

“I’ve heard it; I thought she’d shatter the lights in the computer lab when her code ruined our robotics assignment,” Pearl said, straightening. She already had several ideas of how to get to Peridot to begin with. She paused. “Also I’m… sorry, earlier, for touching you without permission. I know some people don’t like that kind of thing, but it’s a bad habit of mine.”

 

"What? Psh, that wasn't-- That was nothing. I'm just not a touchy person usually."

 

That was completely true. People in Jasper's house didn't touch casually. And she'd learned early on that girls didn't like to be touched by her. Well, not straight girls. She did alright in the other field.

 

It could have also had to do with Pearl being cute, but that was just one small part of it.

 

"So don't worry. It's cool. Come on, I'm tough."

 

She stretched her muscular arms above her head, showing off to make a point.

 

Pearl couldn’t help the way her eyes followed Jasper’s stretch, and she  _ knew _ there was no hiding the admiration there. Jasper’s musculature was impressive, and Pearl realized too late that she wanted to run her hands up the other girl’s arms, from shoulder to wrist, and  _ that _ was horribly inappropriate. Her face flushed.

 

“I-I’ll keep it in mind,” she said, glancing away in her embarrassment. “I’m… you probably noticed, with Garnet, I’m too touchy if I get comfortable with someone. I don’t really know how to comfort someone with words, and my sisters and I were close.”

 

Greeeeat. Pearl was touchy. That would definitely make it easier to survive living with her and not outing herself! Not that staying "in" would last long. Jasper only hoped Pearl's opinion of her wouldn't change any when she found out.

 

And if she kept talking it would probably be sooner than later.

 

"Hey… why are we still talking? We should go put on a movie or something."

 

“I do have a setup in my room,” Pearl admitted, worrying her bottom lip as she considered, briefly, whether her room was remotely acceptable. Compared to Jasper’s, Pearl’s room was immaculate, but… “I’m afraid most of my DVDs are in Japanese.”

 

"Oh. Uh. Well, what kind of movies are they? Cause like, I could probably watch The Fast and The Furious in Japanese, but there's nothing in this world that's going to get me to sit through The Notebook no matter what language it's in."

 

“I don’t think I could watch either of those,” Pearl admitted, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Ah… well, you aren’t touchy, so horror is a bad idea. So not, euh…” she trailed off, trying simultaneously to think of titles and translations. “I think…  _ Chakushin Ari _ ? I think that one has subtitles, but I can’t remember the English title. I’ve watched it too many times to get scared. They remade it later, but the American version is bad. Uh…  _ Moonchild _ is funny, if you like vampire mafia movies? Gackt’s acting is… something.”

 

The not very subtle romantic subplot between Gackt and Hyde’s characters was something she knew was a risk, but it was a calculated one, and the kiss scene had been removed from the final cut anyway. 

 

It could be a good way to test the waters. Gauging Amethyst’s opinion on queer people had taken a single glance at the array of ever-disappearing pins on her bag. But nothing she had seen in Jasper’s room gave her any indication of… anything.

 

Jasper stared at her blankly as she spoke.

 

"Never heard of them," she hopped off of the bed, nearly shaking the walls as she did so. "But hey, I can try something new. If it's boring, though, I can't promise that I won't fall asleep."

 

Vampires sounded cool enough. Maybe there would be blood. Jasper loved movies with a lot of blood-- sometimes the effects really sucked and got a good laugh out of her. And if they didn't suck, then they looked cool, so it was always win-win!

 

“If you fall asleep on my bed, Amethyst will never let me hear the end of it in the morning,” Pearl pointed out, feeling her cheeks flush at the idea. It wasn’t as if she and Garnet hadn’t slept in her room following a movie night, but Amethyst’s line of teasing was blunt, to the point, and involved an awful lot of insinuations that Pearl wasn’t sure Jasper would take lightly. “She’ll think we slept together.” 

 

Well Jasper couldn't argue with that. She'd walked out of girl's rooms before and it had meant  _ exactly _ that. Being a lesbian...

 

Wait.

 

Jasper's brain slowly caught up with her and she whipped her head to stare at Pearl. 

 

"Uh... do... do you normally sleep with women?"

 

Oh God, Jasper was turning the question onto her. That wasn’t what she had hoped for at all. Her face flushed absolutely scarlet, and the only reason she met Jasper’s gaze was that she was absolutely rooted to the spot.

 

Pearl’s nerves choked her voice, and the longer she stared up at the bigger girl, the less she could see a way out.

 

“I…”

 

Lying by omission was one thing. Lying outright was something she wasn’t demonstrably good at. 

 

Jasper would suspect from now on if she denied it.

 

Pearl knew her hands were shaking. She knew that if she thought too long, it wouldn’t matter what came out of her mouth. She knew that if Jasper took the truth badly--and oh God, she hadn’t even thought of the implications that inviting her into her bedroom would entail!--that Garnet was at most two walls away.

 

“I haven’t.”

 

That was technically true. Technically all the answer Jasper needed to hear. Technically, it wasn’t her business. 

 

But she knew what the question really meant. She knew it wasn’t a question of how often or infrequently she shared her bed with other girls.

 

“Not yet.”

 

Jasper felt her soul fly up toward the ceiling and then slam back down into her body. Her ears felt red hot, and suddenly there was something different about Pearl. "Not yet" was a confession of some sort-- whether it meant she was exclusively into women or just wanted to try them Jasper wasn't sure, but it at very least meant she wasn't opposed to the idea!

 

And now she was inviting her into her room? Oh shit. Jasper wasn't ready for this. She'd only just stopped seeing Lapis, she was only just starting to get over it. And in her experience, watching a movie with a lesbian was never just watching a movie! 

 

"Oh," was all that came out of her mouth at first. "Hey, that's. That's cool."

 

Cool? Could she have picked a  _ less _ cool thing to say?!

 

Panicking internally, Jasper decided to fake a yawn despite the fact the sun was just setting.

 

"You know what, I'm actually already feeling kind of tired. So, let's just save the movie for another night."

 

Oh.

 

Well, it wasn’t a  _ violent _ outburst. 

 

It wasn’t screaming in her face. So Jasper wasn’t angry about it. That… maybe that was promising. 

 

Pearl dropped her gaze, and she didn’t know how she managed it, but she found the strength to lift her arm, preemptively scrubbing at her eye before she did more than tear up. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling hot tears of shame coming faster than she could wipe them away, and she wished her feet would cooperate, but her knees felt like jelly. “Please don’t. Don’t tell anyone. I won’t bother you with it.”

 

Seeing Pearl's reaction didn't help Jasper to stop panicking.

 

"Oh shit," she said. "Are you crying? Oh shit, you're crying."

 

Jasper definitely did not do well with crying girls. She looked around quickly and nearly tripped over her own feet trying to get to the tissue box on her desk so Pearl could make use of it.

 

"Here," she said, thrusting the box toward her awkwardly. Was she supposed to put her hand on her shoulder? Hug her? Maybe some words of encouragement were best first.

 

"Um. Pearl, it's not something to be upset about!"

 

Pearl wasn’t even sure how the box of tissues found its way into her hands, and she wasn’t sure what to do with it, because she didn’t have the dexterity or presence of mind to actually use the tissues right now. She was already well on her way to panicking, herself, and the crying didn’t help at all.

 

“I’m not out,” she choked out, aware that she was trembling like a leaf in a gale, and even more aware that if Jasper were the sort of girl who didn’t even like lesbians to begin with, explaining wouldn’t help. “I won’t do anything, I’ll leave you alone if it makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has a good cry about coming out badly, and Garnet advises her to stand up for herself.

At that very moment, Garnet, with a bag of crisps in one hand and her headphones blaring music, walked past the room, glancing inward.

 

Jasper wondered if there was possibly anything else the universe wanted to do to screw her.

 

In a flash, Garnet backtracked, catching sight of Jasper looking like the blood had drained from her face and Pearl a crying wreck.

 

Garnet ripped the headphones down, dropped her snack, barged in and took Pearl under her arm.

 

"What's wrong?" She asked, not really expecting an answer right away. But her tone of voice was so soothing, so practiced in a way that Jasper's wasn't. "Come on, it's alright. Let's go into the other room."

 

Pearl’s mother sometimes suggested that Garnet must be her guardian angel, and it was times like this where Pearl believed it. Garnet’s arm around her quaking shoulders made her jolt, and somehow, finally, her legs remembered how to move.

 

“Garnet!” Pearl exclaimed, and still clutching the tissue box in hand, she threw her other arm desperately around her best friend’s midsection, pressing into her shoulder with a ragged sob. It was easy to move now, with Garnet guiding her, easy even though she was still crying so hard that it was hard to breathe. 

 

Garnet could have led her anywhere and she would follow blindly, but she heard the click of a door handle, and knew that they were going to Garnet’s room. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, ducking her face.

 

"Sorry? There's nothing to be sorry about, love."

 

She rubbed Pearl's arms gently.

 

"Come on, let's get you a seat right here," she said, guiding her to her reading chair. "And, when you're ready, you can tell me what happened."

 

Garnet pulled her desk chair over and sat down next to Pearl, placing a hand on her back.

 

"And I can already tell that whatever it is, it's going to make me want to tell Jasper off."

 

Pearl sat obediently, scrubbing at her tears until she saw spots. Belatedly, she realized she’d taken Jasper’s tissues along with them, which was probably a better thing to dry her eyes with. At least tissues wouldn’t scratch her, the way her ring tried to.

 

Garnet’s hand on her back was immensely soothing. Being in her room, in a familiar place, helped with the panic.

 

Words were hard to come by, but at least she could breathe again. With her free hand, she reached for Garnet’s, giving her palm a trembling squeeze. “I shouldn’t’ve said anything,” she said shakily, closing her eyes against the mounting headache that always came with crying. “I… we were going to watch a movie in my room, but she said she might fall asleep. I should’ve just let her. But I…” she trailed off briefly, then sighed. “I tried to feel it out. I told her what Amethyst would think if she came out of my room in the morning. Just… just to see. Maybe she’d take it well. But instead, she asked if I slept with girls, in--you know, that way, where that’s not really the question at all, and I  _ panicked _ , and I was honest, and…”

 

Garnet felt two distinct emotions bubble up inside of her; there was deep sympathy for Pearl, who had gone through so much in her life already that she didn't deserve. And then there was fury at Jasper. How dare she make Pearl cry, especially over this.  _ No one _ bullied her best friend and got away with it. But she would have to deal with that later.

 

"It's alright," she said sincerely, knowing that Pearl was feeling as if nothing in the world was right at the moment. "You don't have to feel sorry about who you are. You're amazing, Pearl. If she doesn't think so, she's an absolute moron."

 

“I shouldn’t’ve said something,” Pearl said again, voice choked, and she finally remembered to make use of the tissues. She drew in a shaky breath, feeling small, and it suddenly made sense, the way her aunts would whisper about how unwise young girls were, how none of them knew when to be silent. But Pearl knew that wasn’t directed at Belle, and those same aunts enjoyed Yvette’s stories and lies.

 

She shouldn’t speak.

 

But the head of the family, her great-grandmother, Shinju, she would have agreed with Garnet. Not for the same reasons. Pearl remembered several times as a girl, crying to her favorite relative, apologizing for her English accent and bad language. Shinju was old and wise, but well into the years where no one’s opinions could touch her. She had seen everything. She knew everything. Pearl remembered thinking that her great-grandmother must be a goddess, because it was impossible not to, hearing stories about her life.

 

And Shinju, who favored her unabashedly, who loved all of her American granddaughters but especially Pearl, because their names were the same, had said that before. She didn’t have to feel sorry for who she was. If her French heritage didn’t stop her from being a Kurosaki in Shinju’s eyes, then she was. 

 

Pearl sniffed. She wished she could know. She wished for her great grandmother’s bravery. 

 

“I didn’t… I wasn’t sure how to ask,” Pearl managed around the lump in her throat. “I--Amethyst’s not subtle, Garnet, I didn’t want them to fight if it turned out Jasper was against gays. I didn’t want to just tell her about your parents! But they visit, and Amethyst talks, and brings girls to her room--somehow--and…

 

“She was opening up to me,” her voice dropped, and she clutched Garnet’s hand tightly. “And I thought, maybe… if I could find out what she thought, maybe eventually I could, but then she asked, and she immediately changed her mind about me. There’s not going to be ‘another time’ to watch movies! But now she knows, and it was hard enough getting Amethyst to be quiet about it!”

 

"First of all, she's not going to say anything to anyone. Because if she does, she's gonna be out that door, flat on her ass with a black eye. And I'm going to let her know that in no uncertain terms."

 

Garnet was serious too. She was a calm and collected person at all times, but she did have a tendency to solve some problems with violence, or at least the threat of it. 

 

"I won't have her saying anything negative about my friends. I won't have her givin' any dirty looks, making comments. What exactly did she say to you?"

 

Trying to remember Jasper’s words wasn’t easy, and Pearl drew in a trembling breath. She had been more occupied with being terrified at the prospect of coming out to a near stranger. How stupid that had been, but Jasper had been kind enough, and it wasn’t right or fair to pry into her life and offer lies in return. 

 

“She just… her voice was flat,” Pearl mumbled, “She said, ‘Oh. That’s cool.’ But then right after, she immediately… it’s not even dark yet, Garnet! She said she was tired, so to forget the movie, and we could do it another night. Even though watching a movie was her idea.” She curled forward a little, raising her knees to her chest. “She looked like… like she thought I’d do something, like--I don’t know! I started panicking, and she gave me the tissues, and I’ll have to give them back, but I… I don’t want. To see how she thinks of me now. She already thought I was weird.”

 

A huge girl like Jasper being afraid of little Pearl? Not that Pearl couldn't be intimidating. She certainly could. But that wasn't the issue at hand. It disgusted Garnet that something as simple as sitting next to a person and enjoying a film could be ruined just because that person was gay. Garnet had grown up with two mums, and their love was just as pure, if not even stronger, than any other parents she knew. Did Jasper really have an ego so over-inflated that she thought any gay woman would jump her bones the moment they were alone? Garnet scoffed.

 

"She doesn't know you, Pearl. She's small-minded. It's completely her problem and not yours."

 

The last thing Garnet ever wanted was for Pearl to feel ashamed about who she was. She wasn't going to let some puffed up jock with a bad attitude break down Pearl's confidence.

 

"She can either get over it, or get out."

 

Pearl nodded miserably. That was the most realistic solution; there was no reason for Jasper to live with three people who made her uncomfortable, even for entirely different reasons between them. 

 

Even if Jasper was going through a bad time. Even if her friends weren’t returning her texts. Maybe Pearl had given her too much credit already, and maybe it had been silly to want to support a girl she didn’t know at all. 

 

“We were talking, and it felt so normal,” Pearl mumbled, “I didn’t… That is, I know I said weird things. I know she found them weird. But she wasn’t mean about it. I thought I was making progress. It’d… it’d be nice if I could make friends on my own, right? I’m so bad at it. And I know--I know you don’t mind, but it’s not fair if I keep running to you for the rest of my life.”

 

"Hm..." Garnet thought. Pearl was right: she didn't mind helping Pearl. She was happy to do it for her best friend. Maybe this time, though, it was time for Pearl to stand up for herself.

 

"Pearl, you've got a point. Why don't you put it aside for now? Give Jasper a night to think on what she's done. And then confront her yourself tomorrow. Tell her how you feel."

 

Pearl wasn't sure what good a night would do. She sniffled, wiping at her tears. "Do you think it'll do any good?"

 

"Well I'm not saying it will change her opinion any," Garnet admitted. It could be hard to have a person's views change, and it often took much longer than a few hours.

 

"But it will give you time to gather up your courage and confront her yourself. You were being nice. Listening to her and offering her friendship. If she can't see that, she's not worth your time."

 

Garnet’s wise words were hardly unexpected. For all she knew, by morning, Jasper would have repacked her things and decided to transfer rooms. That would have been easier than getting the courage to confront her, but that would’ve also left Pearl with the awful wondering for who-knew-how-long. 

 

“Am I as… as weird as it seems?” Pearl asked, looking up at Garnet and squinting a little at the brightness of the lamp behind her. “No one stays for long, and it’s so hard to lie by omission, and being this… this  _ thing _ doesn’t help. Garnet, you and Rose... besides my sisters, you’ve put up with me longer than anyone, and she left.”

 

"Thing? Is that what you..."

 

It hurt Garnet that so many people had made Pearl feel like her sexuality was a "thing" to be ashamed of. 

 

"Pearl, being gay isn't some sort of flaw. It's just a part of who you are. I know there are so many people in this world who will judge you for it. I've seen it; the staring, the slurs, the hatred. But there are just as many people who will love and embrace you."

 

Garnet put her hand on Pearl's knee and squeezed.

 

"I know you don't feel ready to face that. It's difficult. But it's even more difficult to deny and to hate yourself over something that is just one small portion of the wonderful person you are."

 

She gave her a smile and leaned in. 

 

"And of course you're a little weird. We're all a little weird. I wear sunglasses indoors and barely talk to anyone. Your sister sings like her nose is pinched together. Amethyst… I can't even make a list for her. I don't know how she lives, honestly. But she does it without shame. Because that's just who she is. These 'things' make us who we are."

 

Pearl knew not to laugh, knew perfectly well that Garnet was being serious, but truth be told, she didn’t know how Amethyst lived, either, and Yvette  _ did _ sing like she had her nose clogged. She chuckled, blinking at her tears, and then surged forward to hug her around the shoulders, pressing her face into her hair.

 

“You’re the most amazing person I know,” Pearl mumbled, “I… God, Garnet, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ll get there someday. I won’t let you down.”

 

Garnet hugged her back.

 

"I know you won't," she said with certainty. She pulled back, hands still gripping Pearl firmly, to look at her face.

 

"And you know, I couldn't do it without you either. You give me strength, Pearl. We're in this together."

 

That was always a relief to hear--that she wasn’t just leeching, like some awful sponge, that she could give Garnet something back. Even now, when she didn’t feel like there was much strength in her to offer. But she could meet Garnet’s gaze, and she loosened her grip just a little, heaving a sigh. “I should wash my face,” she said, “I… I’m sure I’m all streaky and a mess, and who knows when Amethyst will come back. And if I’m not careful, I’ll fall asleep in your chair again after all this crying.”

 

Garnet ruffled Pearl's hair affectionately.

 

"Not the worst place in the world to fall asleep. It's especially comfortable cramming the night before a big exam," she joked. "But go on and get yourself ready for bed. You'll feel better."

 

There was truth to that, Pearl knew, and she closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of Garnet’s fingers running through her hair. It was just contact--but she had so little of that now, and had always yearned for more, from everyone she cared about. It still felt nice. It was still reassuring that Garnet would do it, that she wasn’t put off, that she’d never turned her away. Even when things were terribly awkward some years earlier, when Pearl had realized that she loved Garnet that way--and Garnet didn’t.

 

And here they were. 

 

The awkwardness was gone between them, and Pearl didn’t want anything Garnet couldn’t give. They were best friends, and soulmates, and they didn’t need to be lovers for that.

 

“I’ll do that,” Pearl murmured, “I… thank you, Garnet. For everything.”

 

"It's no problem. Nothing to thank me for," Garnet said, getting up and kicking her desk chair back into place.

 

"I couldn't live with myself if I just sat by and watched when you needed help. It's just always been that way for me. But I know you're going to stick up for yourself this time."

 

“That means the world to me, Garnet,” Pearl said, managing a smile and leaning forward for another quick hug. They both knew that she had gone above and beyond for her best friend over the years--but then, Garnet thought nothing of it, and Pearl would do the same if their positions were reversed. 

 

That was the give and take part, she supposed. 

 

Pearl pushed her pink hair out of her eyes and gathered up the slightly rumpled tissue box. “I still have rice, so tomorrow, I’ll have  _ ochazuke _ for breakfast. Unless you wanted to go to the cafeteria?”

 

"I get a home cooked dinner  _ and _ breakfast? Now you're just spoiling me, I think," Garnet replied with a smile. She knew that Pearl would happily make her three square meals a day if she could. 

 

"You better be careful, or you'll be stuck with me forever. You'll be married, making food for your wife, and still calling me to the table for meals. But you can take that as a yes. I'll join you for it after my run. Might have to pick up aspirin for Amethyst while I'm at it, too."

 

“You know, they still count that as a proposal in the country,” Pearl teased back, smiling easily. She liked the idea. She would like nothing more than to have Garnet as part of her life forever. “If you let me cook for you for the rest of your life, you’re a Kurosaki.”

 

"Well in that case I'll pick you up something for our anniversary too," Garnet said, grabbing her pyjamas from her wardrobe. "Do you want a sweatshirt or a long sleeve tee? Because I think that's what's on sale in the student store right now if you bring your ID in."

 

Garnet pretended to shocked for a moment.

 

"Why am I the one changing my last name?" She said, mock horror in her voice.

 

“That’s how it’s done; my lineage is more impressive,” Pearl giggled, and while it was technically true--sixteen generations was no small task!--they both knew that she had no claim on her stepfather’s family name. Favorite grandchild or not, Pearl wasn’t blood.

 

Another way she was othered. But that wasn’t worth worrying about now.

 

“And you know me, I want whichever’s pink.”

 

"Psh," Garnet dismissed the comment. "Yeah, alright."

 

She tossed a clean pair of socks at Pearl just as a friendly way to tell her to get out without having to say it.

 

Pearl let out a squeal of protest, one that was entirely for effect, and fled Garnet’s room with a wave.

 

She still felt tired and gross, but Garnet at least made the world feel less like it was ending. She didn’t have the nerve to look to see if Jasper’s door was properly closed when she passed, slipping soundlessly into the bathroom to wash up for bed.

 

She looked as bad as she felt, and knew that feeling wouldn’t wash away easily. But tomorrow was another day, and she could… try to make the best of it.

 

Sleep was hard to come by, once Pearl was back in her room, changed, and properly alone for the night. She considered briefly turning on the television for noise, but quickly realized that she would sleep through her alarms that way. So silence it was, and with her arms wrapped around one of her many stuffed toys—childish things, holdovers from home that she should have grown out of but needed now more than ever—she finally managed to drift off some time later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Jasper clear up some things from the night before. Jasper also has some new information about why her texts are going unanswered...

Morning came all too soon, with a familiar alarm blaring from her phone, and several missed texts from Amethyst that Pearl was just as happy to have not seen. Garnet was always up before her, out and running too early for Pearl’s taste, but that meant Pearl could make breakfast in relative peace. 

 

“Peaaaaaarl,” Amethyst whined, and Pearl could hear from the muffled sound of her voice that the younger girl was probably pressed against her door. “I’m dyingggggg…”

 

“Drink water,” Pearl said, sounding like her mother as she hurried to change into something that wasn’t silky or transparent.

 

Still, it was nice to open her door to a heavy hug from her assuredly hungover roommate, who had no business drinking to begin with. Amethyst pressed her face into Pearl’s sternum with a groan, mumbling something about light and sound, and Pearl stroked her hair with barely any sympathy.

 

“You’ll be very upset when I put on the kettle,” Pearl said matter-of-factly, and Amethyst groaned louder against her chest. “But Garnet  _ did _ say she would be bringing you asprin after her run.”

 

Beside them, another door clicked open and Jasper quietly tried to escape her room without drawing too much attention to herself. But a burly six foot woman with a mane of bedhead wearing boxers and a tank top didn't exactly fly under the radar.

 

"'Scuse me," she mumbled gruffly, very self-conscious about meeting Pearl's eyes. She did her absolute best to avoid looking at her. The guilt from making her cry last night obviously lingered, and she wasn't at all sure what to say to her. She stepped past them awkwardly and made her way to the bathroom without another word.

 

Pearl stiffened as Jasper appeared, acutely aware that having Amethyst’s face planted firmly against her chest first thing in the morning was probably only going to make Jasper even more uncomfortable, and Amethyst barely lifted her head to see who had moved in with them as the girl disappeared into the bathroom.

 

“Izzat Jasper?”

 

Pearl clutched Amethyst’s shoulders a little too tightly before she turned the shorter girl around, shooing her toward the kitchen despite her protests. “Yes. And I don’t doubt she’s in no mood for your usual routine about me and Garnet being secret lovers.”

 

Despite Pearl’s tone, Amethyst snickered. 

 

“Jay ’n’ Sharky know her,” she said, “Sharky’s better. More wins.”

 

“Well don’t go saying that, either,” Pearl said, “Sit, drink water, and I’ll try to get the kettle before it gets too shrill.”

 

Amethyst nodded vaguely, but nodding was excruciating, so she put her head down on the table instead. “Yes mama.”

 

As she was washing her hands, Jasper caught sight of herself in the mirror and splashed some water on her face to at least give the appearance of having gotten more than a couple of restless hours of sleep during the night. At least it hadn't been a total waste. Her shirts were hung, her uniforms were folded, and her pants were in a drawer. But she hadn't been able to shake how  _ weird _ her encounter with Pearl was. And Garnet had whisked her off when she started crying, giving Jasper a death stare as if she'd done something horrible to her! If she'd had known Pearl would freak out just because Jasper didn't want to watch a movie and possibly make out with her, she would have just sucked it up and tried to focus on the subtitles of whatever movie Pearl picked out.

 

She came out of the bathroom after trying to tame her hair a little and went straight to the fridge for one of her protein drinks. She cracked it open, and looked at Pearl.

 

"Uh… hey," she said. "Can we talk?"

 

Well that solved Pearl's problem of having to be the one doing the approaching. It still made her jolt, a little, and just in case, she turned the dial back off for the burner. She didn't think the time it took to boil water would be enough. 

 

"I... of course," Pearl said, trying to steel herself. "But we should give Amethyst space; she's hungover." And didn't need to help with their conversation anyway. Pearl paused, then added, "And I need to return your tissue box."

 

"Neeeeerd," came Amethyst's muffled opinion on that, and Pearl put a glass of filtered water on the table for her. 

 

"Drink."

 

Good. She had agreed. At least that was a positive. Jasper had an unnatural level of impatience born into her that she had tried to work on throughout her life, to varying success. She wasn't going to be able to relax until she talked to Pearl and solved things.

 

"I mean, it doesn't have to be right this second," Jasper said, trying to hide her discomfort behind a sip. She eyed Amethyst and knew she didn't want to do this anywhere around her.

 

"You're related to Lopez, right?" She asked the girl with the hangover. She didn't know her new teammate's real first name-- everyone just called her Sharky. Jasper made it clear she wouldn't be taking on any nicknames, but she had a feeling some of them had one for her that they used behind her back.

 

“If I get started cooking, it’ll take longer,” Pearl pointed out, but not having to immediately do anything meant she could mull over what to say. Where to start. She’d done it a hundred times in her sleep, of course, but she couldn’t remember the specifics now that she was awake. 

 

Amethyst peeked up at her, raising an eyebrow. “Like five Lopezes,” she said, “You mean  _ Sharky _ ? Cousins. She pinned you last time I saw a match.”

 

“Amethyst…” Pearl warned. Of course Amethyst couldn’t follow a simple request. 

 

“And the time before that.”

 

“Amethyst, stop being rude.”

 

“An’ Jay got you one time, too."

 

Jasper's nostrils flared and grit her teeth. It was too early to have one of these loud-mouthed, touchy-feely, back-talking cousins giving her lip. 

 

"So what? That was sparring!" She said, voice already elevating. "I was helping her with her technique! Do you even know how wrestling works?"

 

“Do you think I have fifteen cousins with belts and know nothing? That’s stupid, don’t be mad that you lost,” Amethyst quipped, earning Pearl’s hand over her mouth.

 

“ _ Stop _ ,” Pearl begged, but there was a firmness to her tone that hadn’t been there the night before. Amethyst tipped her head back, met Pearl’s gaze, and very deliberately licked her hand.

 

The exploding headache and flashing lights that accompanied Pearl’s shriek of protest were  _ totally _ worth it.

 

Jasper's eyes went wide and she very nearly lost her grip on her drink. Pearl had been so quiet up to this point, but apparently she had the ability to be very loud. And, by the look on her face, she was capable of being furious as well.

 

At least Pearl's anger at Amethyst did a little to ease Jasper's own. She was still quite certain the runt had no idea what she was talking about.

 

Pearl was quick to wash her hands, feeling her cheeks burn a little in embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to shriek. Of course, Amethyst knew exactly how she felt about that kind of behavior, and it was completely deliberate, but that didn’t mean she had to be happy about it.

 

She might have to take some of that asprin for herself, when Garnet got back from her run.

 

“Let me go get your tissue box before I forget, Jasper,” Pearl said, slipping around the table and heading to her room and hoping that the bigger girl would take the hint.

 

"Mhmm." Jasper said, leaning against the counter before realizing what Pearl had meant. It's not like tissues were the pressing issue here.

 

"Oh. Yeah."

 

She followed behind Pearl, checking over her shoulder to make sure the runt hadn't tagged along. Thankfully she seemed too hungover to bother getting up.

 

Pearl’s room was impossibly clean, perfectly organized, and so pink that it was almost embarrassing; from bedsheets to the throw rug, everything that could be pastel was exactly that. Her desk was white, but then, that belonged to the school. A bookshelf was against one wall, half full of DVDs, half full of manga and light novels, and opposite it was another, with mostly textbooks and an assortment of figures from family members.

 

She’d at least made her bed this morning; Pearl was glad of that, even if she hadn’t rearranged her stuffed toys or straightened the pillows. It didn’t feel clean, but it was… better than it could be.

 

“Here,” she said, swallowing her nerves and offering Jasper’s slightly rumpled box of tissues in both hands. “I tried not to use too many.”

 

Jasper took the box of tissues, disinterested in how many Pearl used or didn't use. She was more interested in looking around the room.

 

"Damn, you are a girly girl, aren't you? I should have expected this," she said, walking a little further into the room without necessarily being invited. "Everything you have is so nice and neat."

 

Pearl felt her cheeks flush a little at that, and she ducked her head. “My mother got it into her head to color-code me and my sisters when we were small,” she said, “And since pink is my favorite, it kind of… spiraled.” She paused, swallowing hard. “My parents encourage some of my other hobbies, but they would rather I fit in.”

 

"Well I guess when you've got triplets it can be hard to tell them apart," Jasper mused aloud, checking out the book spines on one of the bookcases. They were all in Chinese or something, so she turned back to face Pearl and saw her hanging her head.

 

"Woah woah, you aren't going to cry again are you?" She asked, getting nervous. "I think your room is cool. Seriously."

 

Pearl looked up quickly, surprised by that. “No--I, that is, I don’t think so? You haven’t done anything,” she said, but she couldn’t hold Jasper’s gaze, and she looked away, spinning her ring. “I thought for sure, since you found out I’m…” she didn’t have the nerve to say it, not directly, and her cheeks darkened. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything else to do with me. That’s why you didn’t want to see the movie, right? And besides, you don’t like rich brats like me.”

 

Jasper knew she was a little slow to get things sometimes. It's why she'd had to have tutors in the past, and why she got so annoyed with know-it-alls who thought they were better than her just because they knew some type of useless facts about some scientific shit. But she was genuinely lost for a moment, staring at Pearl.

 

"You… You think I wouldn't want to hang out with you because you're gay? Is that really what you were so upset about?"

 

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Pearl replied uneasily, chewing the inside of her cheek. That wasn’t totally true. That wasn’t even the whole problem. She peeked up at Jasper uncertainly. “Just the first I actually came out to. I--that was why I got bullied when I was little. And my accent. Other girls just… decided, before I even knew, and then they were right, and I… I don’t tell people. Nobody in my family knows.”

 

"Pearl. Pearl, hang on," Jasper shook her head, trying to figure what the hell to say first because this was all sorts of messed up. 

 

"I thought you were some straight prissy girl who was going to-- I've definitely had my fair share of people push me away too! But," Jasper let out a laugh and then couldn't keep herself from laughing.

 

"Oh god, I'm sorry."

 

Laughter wasn’t what Pearl expected at all, and she looked startled, then confused. It had been clear that Jasper thought she was straight from the beginning--the boyfriend comment still sat uncomfortably in the back of her mind--but she couldn’t imagine why Jasper found it funny in hindsight.

 

“It’s okay,” she said automatically, puzzled. “I--Jasper, you’ve literally met all two of my friends, I have absolutely no capacity for talking to people I don’t know, I’m awkward and inept, and I just figured it was--the nail in the coffin, right? I’m already weird, and you wouldn’t want me hitting on you or something, so…”

 

"Pearl, no, you aren't getting it, oh my god." Jasper almost had to wipe a tear out of her eye, and she clutched her stomach. When she finally got herself under control, she spoke again.

 

"Pearl,  _ I _ am gay. I'm a big, walking, talking, boob-loving lesbian!"

 

Pearl didn’t think it was possible for her eyes to widen so much that it physically hurt, but her jaw dropped, and her eyes went impossibly round, and she stared. “Ehh? Then…” her brain hadn’t quite caught up with her mouth. Jasper was a lesbian. Jasper was the only lesbian she knew that wasn’t one of Garnet’s mothers. It was hard to wrap her mind around. “Then why did you back out of the movie...?”

 

"Oh hell," Jasper said, brushing her bangs back from her face.

 

"I just… I thought… I've never watched a movie with a gay girl that didn't turn into making out," she explained.

 

"And, you know, I'm still kind of hung up on Lapis, and I wasn't feeling sexy at all last night, and I didn't want to disappoint. But then you started crying and Garnet got all mad, and it was a mess."

 

“As far as I knew, you were straight,” Pearl pointed out, although looking back, so much of last night could have been avoided if Jasper had come out too. She said it so easily. Pearl didn’t think she could string the phrase  _ boob-loving-lesbian _ together without dying of embarrassment that she knew she shouldn’t be so wrapped up in. “And… Jasper, if you’d just told me so--I… I’m not the type to jump on someone who’s dealing with a breakup! I mean, I’ve never had the opportunity, but you said you weren’t interested in one night stands, and you said your outlook on love right now isn’t good, and you don’t like being touched. Why wouldn’t I respect any of that?”

 

Jasper frowned thoughtfully.

 

"You know, when you put it all together like that and say it out loud it makes a lot of sense. But I wasn't thinking like that last night! I was just thinking pretty girl, nighttime, movie. That's typically the recipe for make-outs. And it's not that I don't like touching, either. It's just, you get used to straight girls pushing you away when you try to make a move or ask them to dance."

 

Jasper shrugged, happy that this didn't turn out to be some big deal. And it explained so much of why Pearl was being weird.

 

“I wouldn’t know any of that,” Pearl admitted, feeling her cheeks flush at the idea that Jasper found her pretty enough to even consider making out as a possibility. She wasn’t sure how a self-proclaimed ‘boob-loving’ lesbian would find her attractive, anyway. “Rose and I… I mean, we made out. We dated for three years. But it wasn’t… there wasn’t pretense? And it’s not like we saw each other often.”

 

"I guess you've got to be obnoxiously out about it like Bis and I then," she contemplated out loud. 

 

"Huh. Anyway, I'm glad we got this solved. I'm gay, you're gay. No problems!" She happily took another swig of her drink, finishing it completely.

 

That sounded like a gross oversimplification of things, but Pearl nodded faintly. If Jasper didn’t find a problem with her being gay, then she logically wouldn’t have any issues with Garnet’s mothers, or Amethyst’s… everything. 

 

Except for one thing.

 

“But… er,” she paused uncertainly, brows furrowed, trying to think of how to approach the topic. “It still leaves… the question of where we stand, doesn’t it?” She wasn’t sure that had come out right, and Pearl pursed her lips. “I mean… You were worried I would come on to you. Is that going to be a problem?”

 

Jasper gave her a sort of funny look.

 

"Well, I don't think so. Last night you were talking about being a virgin and sleeping with women and I guess I just assumed you were talking about fooling around. But clearly I was wrong about that."

 

She blinked down at her.

 

"Are you going to come on to me?"

 

Was she? Pearl felt her cheeks flush at the idea. It wasn’t as if Jasper was unattractive. And presumably available. 

 

“I don’t know,” Pearl admitted, twisting her hands nervously. “I mean… I don’t know you yet. And you’re dealing with your breakup. And I’m… not sure I’m over Rose. And we live together, I wouldn’t want—if you decided it wasn’t worth pursuing after all, then what?” She ducked her head. “I’m not ruling out the possibility, but I… at least, I want to be friends first.”

 

"Oh."

 

Jasper was surprised by the answer. She wasn't surprised that Pearl might want to hit on her. She was attractive, and plenty of girls had liked her before. Pearl had it much farther planned out than a little kissing and touching, though.

 

"Yeah, I want to be friends too. Just because we're both gay doesn't mean we have to do anything gay together, Pearl. Peridot's gay too, you know. And I'm pretty sure my new coach is gay. It's not a big deal."

 

Pearl didn’t know that about Peridot. Most of her knowledge related to Peridot was that she was insufferable and agreed that Pearl belonged in a kitchen, not at a computer. It wasn’t exactly a running joke in their department--but with a handful of girls to pick from, and none of them nearly as outwardly girly as Pearl presented herself, it had quickly become one more thing to mock her for. If the other girls agreed, it got the boys off their backs. 

 

She disliked the other girl just a little more in that moment.

 

“Amethyst is the only friend I’ve ever had who was even curious,” Pearl admitted, “And we’re close, but it’s not that way--I’m not her type. Too bony and boring. So I’m kind of unsure… I guess, just--tell me if I’m being weird? I’m sorry, I’m terrible at this.”

 

"Terrible at what? Just be yourself, Pearl, and we'll go from there. Trust me, I already think you're weird," she teased. "You're the first girl who's ever made me dinner. And it was delicious, by the way."

 

She started for the door, just before glancing at Pearl once more.

 

She was a little bony… but so far she definitely wasn't boring. 

 

"Aren't you supposed to be cooking something right now?"

 

“Ah!” Pearl’s hands flew to her mouth, their earlier topic almost immediately pushed to the back of her mind. “You’re right! I… suppose it will have to be pancakes, this late. Do you want any? I usually make them with fruit, but after that stunt this morning, Amethyst’s getting plain ones.”

 

"No, no, I'm good. I've got to get ready for class anyway. Man, this college thing would be a heck of a lot easier if it didn't involve so much actual class work."

 

She was only half joking.

 

"But thanks," she was sure to add before heading for her room.

 

“Oh! Jasper--” Pearl peered out of her room after her, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Did you still want me to take care of Peridot, or has she texted you…? Our lab is today.”

 

Jasper's lips flattened.

  
  
"About that..." Jasper said slowly, leaning against her own doorway and sighing. "I think I figured out why she hasn't been texting me back."   


  
It was at least half an hour past midnight when Jasper was fed up with being ignored. She knew for a fact Peridot would be awake at that time. She had roomed with her long enough to know the twerp would be guzzling some kind of sugary soft drink with her nose pressed against a screen shouting at other people over the Internet behind the comfort of some video game avatar. So she'd called her.

  
  
What a stupid mistake.   


  
After a couple of rings, Jasper figured she wouldn't answer. When the phone did finally click, she had expected Peridot's nasally voice. Instead, it was the distinct sound of Lapis saying,

  
  
"Hello?"   


  
Jasper had dropped the phone. She quickly checked that she'd dialed the right number. She had.

  
  
"Lapis," Peridot whined, "just hang up."

  
  
Jasper heard the phone become muffled slightly. But every word still came out clear in her ears.

  
  
"It must be important if they're calling during dinner."

  
  
"It's midnight," Peridot pointed out. "It's way past dinner time."

  
  
"Not for me it isn't. I'm not done eating you ou--"

  
  
Jasper had hung up and thrown the phone across the room.

  
  
She explained this in fewer words to Pearl. Each passing second, her fist against the doorframe grew tighter and her expression darkened.

  
  
"So please. Be my guest," Jasper said to her.

  
  
"Give that nerd hell."

 

Even lacking the more sordid details, Jasper’s explanation made Pearl’s blood boil. She wasn’t sure that Peridot was the one she wanted to go after, but the manner that she wanted to confront Lapis with was one she couldn’t get away with. Plus, there was only so much a practice foil could do to a person.

 

Pearl nodded shortly and, with surprising firmness, reached up to give Jasper’s fist a squeeze. “I’ll let you know how it goes,” she said, “She either won’t have her phone or her computer when I’m done.”

 

That said, she turned to the kitchen, where Amethyst was whining piteously about dying alone. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl makes an enemy she should have expected. Jasper gains new respect for Pearl.

And so give her hell Pearl did.

 

It was early evening when Pearl recounted the entire story for Jasper, the two of them eating a hot meal they'd picked up together in the cafeteria and brought back to their apartment. Jasper was grinning from ear to ear, even long after Pearl had told the story of her evil act upon Peridot's precious computer. It helped that Pearl was actually kind of funny and interesting on her own. Revenge truly was sweet.

 

Before long, Jasper was tossing out their take away containers and heading for her room to change.

 

"I'm going to throw some sweats on and go to the gym for a little while," she said, looking so much brighter than she had the previous night. She was pumped up and ready to pump iron.

 

Then there was a knock at the door.

 

Any guilt Pearl had struggled with over bricking Peridot’s computer had more or less faded by the time class had let out; Pearl’s parting words to Peridot had been deliberate and biting, a warning against being cruel to her friends, and an off-handed afterthought that, perhaps, Peridot should also keep people from answering her phone during ‘dinner.’ 

 

It felt good. The look on Peridot’s face had been priceless, but the brightness in Jasper’s voice would have been worth it alone.

 

That knock wasn’t familiar, though.

 

Pearl considered ignoring it, then reconsidered. If Peridot had caught her meaning--which had hardly been subtle--it would be remiss to deliberately stop her from making things right with Jasper; if she wanted to fight, Pearl could slam the door in her face and be done with it. 

 

She wasn’t expecting a blue-haired girl, close to her height and practically steaming with anger. Pearl blinked, startled and confused. “Can I… help you?”

 

"Where is she?" Lapis asked, voice dark and biting. Jasper recognized it at once and probably would have flung herself out the nearest window to escape the building if they weren't several floors up. Instead she frantically gestured to Pearl, waving her arms and dragging her finger across her neck rapidly several times while mouthing,

 

_ "I'm not here!" _

 

“You’ll have to be more specific, girl I’ve never met,” Pearl said, and she folded her arms in a way that was equal parts defensive and barring. “It’s my understanding that in English, you’re supposed to supply a proper noun.”

 

Lapis was not amused by Pearl's attitude or answer, giving her a dark look from behind her tinted bangs. It was clear she wasn't intimidated by the scrawny girl blocking the door.

 

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. And I know she's here. So stop acting dumb and tell her to come out here, or I'll go get her myself."

 

“I am not any of my roommates’ keepers. But if you try to put one foot in my dorm, I’ll have the RA remove you,” Pearl said flatly, “If you’re looking for Amethyst, you’re not her type. If you’re looking for Garnet, with that attitude, you’ll get a black eye. If you’re looking for Jasper…” Pearl shrugged, “It isn’t my business, but I know her friends and teammates, and you’re neither. And since you’re incredibly rude, I’ve decided you aren’t welcome. So leave while you still look a little presentable.”

 

"Jasper is  _ my girlfriend _ you twig, and if you think I'm going to let you stand between me and this door, you're even dumber than you look."

 

She leaned forward suddenly, putting her hand in the doorway so that Pearl wouldn't be able to close it without crushing her fingers. Surely the pale, bony thing wouldn't have the guts to try.

 

"Jasper!" She shouted. "You coward, come to the door!"

 

But Jasper didn't budge from her spot, a look on her face that was half deer-in-headlights and half grief-stricken-and-possibly-about-to-vomit.

 

“Ohh,” Pearl said thoughtfully, and the complacent look on her face dropped immediately, replaced with anger. “So you’re the whore who’s two-timing Peridot. Does she know? How awful, they’re both too pretty for a plain, tasteless girl like you. I’ll be sure to tell her in our next lab, since she won’t be able to check Plurk until she fixes that laptop. I guess you won’t be having ‘dinner’ together while she sorts that out. But I’m sure you can find someone else to cheat with in the meantime.”

 

A look of realization passed over Lapis' face before she seemed about ready to sprout actual claws and scratch Pearl's face.

 

"So you're Pearl," she said with venom. Peridot had obviously mentioned her name.

 

"I don't know who you think you are, but it seems really suspicious that someone like Jasper would get you to fight her battles for her. And tell you about everything. Maybe you should look in the mirror for the 'two-timing-whore'."

 

No part of her seemed embarrassed to be called out on it, or ashamed, but Pearl had certainly flustered her.

 

"You had it right before: This is none of your business. So step aside and let me take care of this."

 

Jasper had her face against the wall now, just wishing Lapis would go away. She was right. She was a coward. She couldn't go out there herself and just tell her to go away. She could never tell her to go away. Not when she had always wanted her to stay...

 

“You’re an idiot,” Pearl said sharply, gripping the door handle tightly. “I gave you a friendly warning, and this is the last time I’ll repeat myself. If you try to put one foot in my dorm, I’ll have you forcibly removed. Your fingers might stay on my side of the door, though, because I’m thirty seconds from shutting it in your face.”

 

She was privately thankful that Lapis couldn’t possibly know anything about her; being called a whore might have stung, if there were any truth to it at all. But Pearl hadn’t ever slept with anyone, and standing up for Jasper didn’t mean she wanted to sleep with her, either. 

 

“My grudge is with Peridot, and I’ve settled it. If you’re stepping up to play next, I’ll have to pass. But if you disturb my roommates in any way that impacts my work, I won’t tolerate it. Your thirty seconds begin now.”

 

Lapis eyed Pearl carefully looking for a hint of weakness. She'd really thought her words would have bitten in now and gotten her to just get the hell out of her way.

 

"Fine." She finally said. "It isn't as if I don't know where Jasper spends most of her time. Just tell her I'll be seeing her later. And as for you, Pearl, I wouldn't waste any more of your time with Jasper. Trust me on that."

 

Lapis turned on her heels and made her exit. Jasper didn't move from her spot, wanting to make absolutely certain she was out of hearing range before she even dared to breathe completely.

 

“I wouldn’t trust you to boil a pot of water,” Pearl said, knowing Lapis couldn’t hear, and she closed the door. Her hands shook, just a little, and she could feel her heart hammering away inside her ribcage.

 

She’d never argued with someone like that. She’d never had to. 

 

The pink-haired girl drew in a deep breath. She’d have to warn Amethyst and Garnet. Now that she was free to fidget with her ring, it was impossible not to, and she turned to glance up at Jasper worriedly.

 

She looked miserable.

 

“Maybe the gym is a bad idea right now,” Pearl said gently, “Can I… get you anything, Jasper? You’re very pale.”

 

Jasper turned to her, a thousand things running through her head. Lapis had tracked her down. Called her 'girlfriend'. Was going to keep looking for her. All of it churned a mess of black tar in her stomach. And although she truly did feel weak for not confronting her herself, she owed Pearl a great deal for being so strong. Unable to find the words quite yet to verbalize her mess of feelings, she simply opened her arms and took Pearl into them for a gentle hug.

 

The hug was surprising, but not at all unwelcome. Actually, as her bravery ebbed, Pearl found that she needed it just as badly--she wrapped her arms around Jasper’s midsection and pressed her face into her arm. Instinct as much as habit had her rubbing circles in the bigger girl’s back, along the dip of her spine.

 

“I’m sorry she was horrible to you,” Pearl murmured at length, squeezing her a little tighter. “I’m sorry she’s continuing to be horrible to you.”

 

"Thank you," Jasper murmured. "Thank you for dealing with her. Seriously." She sighed, not wanting to part from the hug quite yet. It had been awhile since she'd received a proper one.

 

"Damn, though, Pearl, I've never heard anyone tell her off like that." Jasper almost smiled. "That was really something."

 

“I’ve never done anything like that in my life,” Pearl admitted, closing her eyes as she tried to will herself to calm down. It was nice, being held, even if Jasper felt nothing like Garnet and reminded her nothing of Rose. She swallowed hard. “Everything she said… I was so angry, I could barely think in English! I can’t even remember what I said, I wanted to scream. If she got an inch closer, I would’ve slammed the door and broken her hand.” Pearl paused, then chuckled. “It was scary. But if she comes back… I’m not backing down to someone like that, who lies and cheats.”

 

Jasper looked down at the floor before giving Pearl a final squeeze and pulling back slightly.

 

"She's not really cheating," she said. "We aren't together anymore."

 

Saying it out loud was tough, but Jasper was glad it came out of her mouth without her voice cracking.

 

"Look if she wants to do whatever with Peridot that's fine! I don't care. They can have each other. If anything, I feel sorry for Peridot, having to put up with her. I'd much rather be alone. It's better this way. I mean, you just experienced it first hand. That's Lapis. That's how she is. And you just stood up to her and told her to get out or you'd break her fingers."

 

Jasper did genuinely look impressed, despite her still-pale face and obvious lingering discomfort over the whole situation.

 

"That's… something I could have never done, Pearl. Not with Lapis."

 

“Ah…” Pearl wasn’t sure whether to argue the point; Lapis couldn’t claim to have a relationship with Jasper while having something with Peridot. And it was more in principle, anyway; her methods were underhanded, and dirty, and the kind of thing Pearl’s aunts squabbled about like they were above it themselves. 

 

She decided to drop it, for now. Jasper didn’t need to worry about semantics. 

 

The girl was reluctant to let go, though, even if it felt a little strange to settle her hands on Jasper’s waist. 

 

She tried to smile, tried to turn it into a joke. “You’ve never dealt with Japanese girls,” she said, “The girls in Nagasaki would eat her alive.” Pearl paused, though, and finally withdrew her hands. “If she persists, I won’t go easy on her. And… maybe it would be harder if I knew her. But…” here, perhaps, she was overstepping her bounds, and she looked away. “I know you better. I won’t let someone say those things about my friends.”

 

Jasper gave her a small smile. Aside from Garnet and Amethyst, who both mildly annoyed the crap out of her, Jasper thought she'd gotten lucky on the whole roommate thing. 

 

"And let's get something straight--I'm not afraid of anyone. If anyone gives you a problem, you let me know and that problem won't exist anymore," Jasper said firmly. "It's just Lapis, you know."

 

She shrugged a shoulder, not having much else to say on that topic. 

 

"But I'm glad I have you, Pearl. As a friend."

 

She scratched the back of her neck.

 

"Guess I'm gonna have to do a home workout today."

 

Pearl chuckled faintly. “You can only say that because you’ve never met my great-grandmother. I think the prime minister is afraid of her,” she teased, pausing to consider. “And you sound an awful lot like Garnet, offering to fight for me. But without a sword, I am pretty helpless. So I do appreciate it.”

 

A home workout… Pearl wondered if there were space, then caught herself at wondering. “Ah… your room is a little small, isn’t it? The living room might be better. Unless you got everything put up last night.” And then, another thought, one that felt belated. “Oh! And your wires. For ethernet. Is that set up in your room? The RA never gave us ours, but I have spares. We’ll have to tell Garnet and Amethyst about this Lapis business when they’re back, but I can spare them anything you want left out.”

 

Jasper pulled a face, a little uneasy as Pearl finished her rambling.

 

"Do we really have to tell them?" She asked gruffly. "It's none of their business. Lapis is only going after me. She's possessive and weird and a bitch, but she's never actually hurt anyone."

 

She'd hurt Jasper, of course, but not physically, and only because Jasper had let her. What scared Jasper about Lapis was her ability to get inside her head. She was always making decisions for her, always asking where she was, always getting her to believe lies and feel like everything was  _ her _ fault. The control she had was terrifying in a way that fist fights never had been.

 

"And anyway, the whole thing will just blow over soon enough. She's just mad because of what you did to Peridot. She was probably going to try and get me to apologize for it and give her money or something." She scoffed. "As if that would ever happen. She deserved that. And you've got guts for doing it to her, Pearl."

 

Pearl looked puzzled by all that, by Jasper defending Lapis at all. It was abundantly clear that she’d hurt Jasper, and from her threats, it sounded like she wasn’t going to let it rest.

 

“I’m not the only one who opens the door,” Pearl said uneasily, “I don’t want her to get in here by lying to Amethyst or Garnet. Not to get back at me, and certainly not to hurt you.”

 

Maybe she was making too much of it. Maybe the unease in her gut was wrong.

Jasper didn't look happy with that. She didn't want Garnet or Amethyst to know about her life like Pearl did. Pearl was… different, somehow. In the short time she'd known her, she'd come to like her easily. The other two were a different story. Knowing they might judge her for her history with Lapis and see her as weak didn't make her eager to spill her story.

"Whatever," she mumbled in response. "Just tell them not to let her in. You don't have to say anything else."

Then she remembered Pearl had said something about cables.

"I'll worry about the computer thing later. I gotta get some stuff from my room and bring it out here. Just because I'm not leaving the apartment doesn't mean I can slack off."

Jasper stepped into her room and shucked off her shirt, leaving the sports bra underneath on. She changed into a pair of tight spandex shorts more suitable for working out in before carrying a yoga mat and small weights into their shared living space.

It wasn’t her business, and outing Jasper to their roommates wasn’t right either, Pearl reminded herself, but that didn’t make her less uneasy. She said nothing, tried to weigh sense against the building knot of fear in her stomach. It would be easier if Garnet knew. Garnet was her rock, brilliant and not so plagued by fear the way Pearl was. Just because she’d stood up to Lapis this time didn’t mean she could do it again.

By the time Jasper had returned, Pearl had worried her cheek raw, but the sight of her roommate startled her out of her racing thoughts.

And made her acutely aware that fear wasn’t the only thing settling badly in her stomach.

“I’ll be right back,” she said hastily, ducking past Jasper to make a mad dash for the bathroom.

So much for bravery!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Pearl handle stress very differently. At least working out is beneficial for everyone!

At least she had been able to keep the cafeteria food in for a while. Still, it was… embarrassing. Working herself up into getting sick over something Jasper was so unconcerned about. She washed her hands and re-emerged from the bathroom with a heavy sigh. 

 

Jasper was already hard at work, warming up her muscles with a little jogging in place and stretching out her arms. She hopped her neighbors below didn't mind too horribly. If they did come up to make a complaint, she imagined that upon seeing her they'd change their minds anyway. 

 

She glanced at Pearl. She looked a little paler than usual, which Jasper wouldn't have thought possible if she wasn't seeing it with her own eyes.

 

"You okay?" She asked, still bouncing on her heels.

 

“Couldn’t keep dinner in,” Pearl said, flushing a little in embarrassment. “Anxiety and stress just—I don’t handle them well. At all. I suppose it’s back to rice and toast for a few days.” Not that this problem was so infrequent that her diet consisted of much else, anyway. Not lately. 

 

Not since Rose, really, but Jasper didn’t need to hear about that any more than Pearl needed to cry over it for the thousandth time.

 

Jasper slowed down, the wheels turning slowly in her head. Pearl had seemed perfectly fine when they were eating and laughing together, but now her mood had changed significantly.

 

"This Lapis thing is stressing you out," she realized, finally coming to a complete stop.  Her workout could wait a few minutes. This was more important.

 

"You were so brave talking to her, and I was thinking more about myself; I guess I didn't notice."

 

She wanted to say that there was no reason to be stressed or anxious over it, but she didn't think that would help. Not when she herself was feeling both of those things and trying to push them away.

 

"What can I do to make you feel better about it?" She asked. "I don't want you to have that burden. She's my issue, not yours."

 

"I have no idea," Pearl admitted, swallowing the lump in her throat. She managed to meet Jasper's gaze, but she turned her ring around her finger without thinking, anxious and unable to hide it. "I just... I don't know what to do. I've always gone to Garnet, but you're right that this is your business, even if I've gotten involved. I'm not going to out you. But..."

 

But she was still afraid, and there were so many disastrous possibilities out there. So many easy ways Lapis could be a problem later on. 

 

"I don't want you to deal with someone like that alone, Jasper," she murmured, dropping her gaze. "She just gives me a bad feeling. And I'm not sure if that's paranoia or anxiety or an actual reliable read on her."

 

Jasper hesitated at first. But recalling how Pearl had tried to comfort her the other night, she stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

"Pearl, I don't want you to take this on. I appreciate you wanting to be here for me, but not if it's going to bother you like this."

 

Jasper hoped any part of this was comforting. She wasn't exactly used to this sort of thing, after all.

 

"And if you need to tell Garnet, fine, whatever. It's not like I'm afraid of being out; I'm out. I'm just embarrassed. For dating Lapis at all."

 

“Embarrassed?” Pearl asked, perplexed. Jasper’s heavy hand on her shoulder was a welcome weight, and she reached up to give her hand a squeeze. She wasn’t sure she understood--wasn’t sure she could understand, not when she was as woefully inexperienced as she was now. “I’m embarrassingly weak in a lot of ways, Jasper. It’s going to bother me regardless. I won’t meddle if it bothers you, but… Amethyst’s not wrong that I can’t keep my big nose out of anything.”

 

"But that's just the thing!" Jasper replied. "I don't want to be embarrassingly weak. I'm supposed to be tough, and able to handle whatever comes at me. But somehow I let this little thing- Lapis- take me down and make me feel like… like I'm not strong at all. The less I feel like that, the better."

She pursed her lips and glanced away before adding,

 

"And your nose isn't that big. It's better than being crooked."

 

She hoped Pearl found that at least somewhat amusing. Even if Jasper was still plotting taking some kind of small revenge against Garnet for putting her nose out of whack.

 

Despite herself, Pearl did smother a little smile at the joke. It wasn’t as if Jasper’s nose was that noticeably crooked, even if it was hard to unsee after it was pointed out. “I don’t think anyone wants to be weak,” Pearl said, and she wasn’t sure if it was much consolation. But then, she didn’t think Jasper was very weak, either. If Jasper’s idea of weakness was hiding from a screaming crazy person on the warpath…

 

“You seem like you’ve got a lot of strength, to me,” Pearl said daringly, swallowing her nervousness and giving Jasper’s hand one last squeeze. “Even if it’s in other areas. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

Jasper gave a small smile back to her.

 

"You have your strengths too. Maybe not in, like, your stomach, but definitely in your brain."

 

She was going to mention her heart too, but Jasper thought that was just a little  _ too _ much like some line from a Carebear movie. And she wasn't about to get any more sappy.

 

"Well, thanks, Pearl," she said, letting her shoulder go and putting her hand on her hip. "I'm glad I have a roommate who has my back. And who I can return the favor for. Hey, if you're not going to do anything, do you think you could help me with my crunches?"

 

“I’m quite certain you could lift weights with me sitting on them,” Pearl teased, although she was already entertaining the idea, and felt color rising in her cheeks at that. She did have work to do. She should go to do it. At the very least, she could get a few more chapters ahead…

 

But she didn’t want to. 

 

“What can I help with, though?” she asked, “I mean, realistically.”

 

Jasper grinned, happy to be able to spend more time with Pearl. She didn't technically need help, but it was a great excuse to get her to stay so they could talk more. Preferably about topics that had nothing to do with Jasper's ex.

 

"Just hold my feet down with your knees. It makes it easier on me," she explained, lying down on her mat. "We can start with this. But if you find you really do want me to bench press you, it can be arranged," she teased.

 

“You’re serious?” Pearl asked, somewhat uncertainly kneeling at the edge of the mat, leaning forward to put at least  _ some _ weight on Jasper’s feet. She didn’t think she had much to offer, but something was better than nothing, and it wasn’t like she had never exercised. Her blue eyes were impossibly wide. “I mean--that is--I suppose I’ve been lifted by smaller people, no one in ballet has this kind of muscle, but…”

 

But here she was, getting distracted and excited over the idea. Garnet could lift her easily, and sometimes did. She was one of the only persons Pearl could practice dance with regularly. 

 

"I'm not about to ask you your weight," Jasper said, beginning her crunches. Up and down, as easy as a knife sliding through soft butter. As long as she'd been doing them, she could (and probably did) do them in her sleep. Talking through them was no trouble.

 

"Because I really don't want a slap on the face today."

 

Her eyes swept over Pearl's body, watching as she shifted every time Jasper moved.

 

"But yeah, but the looks of it, I wouldn't have any problem lifting you and both of your sisters all at once."

 

She gave a toothy grin to match the playful boast.

 

“Yvette would kick your teeth in,” Pearl teased, but she watched with interest as Jasper moved. She was impressive. Jasper moved with the type of ease Pearl normally associated with dancers. The pink-haired girl was envious; she hadn’t gained much muscle despite her interest in fencing and dance. None of her sisters could, either. 

 

“That’s sweet of you, though,” Pearl said, “Not asking. That’s… really mindful. I wouldn’t hit you, anyway.”

 

"Just trying to be cautious. I'm not too convinced you couldn't kick my teeth in," Jasper said. "But I should be safe standing up. Your legs are nice and long, but I'm still taller."

 

She was counting in her head, trying to keep track of each motion. Three sets usually gave her muscles enough work, but she could go on longer.

 

"You don't know any crazy kung fu or something, right?"

 

“Just swords,” Pearl admitted ruefully, feeling her cheeks flush a little. Most of her height was in her legs. It was exactly what kept her on the ice in the winter, what gave her an edge in fencing. She pushed her bangs away from her eyes, then shrugged. “My parents didn’t want me upsetting anyone else in the family. It’s not very appropriate for a girl to take up the other sports I was interested in. I skate, and I dance, but not much else. Nothing you’d probably be interested in.”

 

She paused for a moment, considering. “I always wanted to do more. My great-grandmother knows some kendo, but heaven knows the rest of my family wouldn’t allow the rest of us to learn.”

 

"Guess your family wouldn't like my choice of activities then," she pointed out. "Wrestling is so male-dominated. It's ridiculous. By those standards, I do a lot of 'inappropriate' things for girls."

 

Jasper paused, lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling. She just couldn't help herself.

 

"And I do a lot of inappropriate things  _ with _ other girls," she said. Lifting herself again and locking eyes with Pearl she added, "But, uh, I've never heard any complaints from them."

 

“You’re not an unwelcome addition to a traditional shogun line,” Pearl muttered without a second thought, before Jasper’s words really caught up to her.

 

“Oh?” Pearl asked belatedly, feeling her cheeks flush. “No ah… complaints? That’s. That’s good.”

 

"Nope. All positive reviews in my case."

 

Jasper smiled to herself, seeing that her words had some effect on Pearl. It was a good stroke to her ego knowing she could still flirt with cute girls without much trouble. If she did want to get back into dating sometime, she didn't want to lose her edge. 

 

She wondered if the way her muscles tightened with each movement had any effect on Pearl too. Pearl's cute blushing face definitely made her feel something. What it was, she wasn't really sure. In any case, she felt her abs were sufficiently warmed now and figured it would be a good idea to offer Pearl a chance to switch places with her and try her hand at some crunches. It wouldn't be fair if Jasper didn't also offer to hold her feet down for her and let her work out if she wanted to.

 

"You want me to do you now?" She asked without a thought.

 

Pearl gasped in surprise, feeling her entire face burn. Something must’ve been lost in translation; her traitorous brain and wandering eyes must have somehow missed something important, because if she were following along properly, then Jasper was suggesting…

 

She couldn’t possibly--Jasper couldn’t mean--

 

“I--” Pearl squeaked out, blushing scarlet up to her hairline, but true to form, she froze under scrutiny, meeting her eyes despite being flushed and embarrassed and confused. “Jasper! A--are we still talking about the same thing?”

 

Was it even fair for her to ask?

 

Now that she’d overstepped her bounds, already entertained the mental image--and the idea that Jasper had nothing but positive reviews, which was more than she could say of herself, more than a skinny virgin with no curves could hope to offer--was she somehow crossing the line they’d agreed on earlier that day?

 

"Crunches?" Jasper asked, totally unaware of where Pearl's brain was. Normally she would have picked up on the innuendo, but her mind had switched back into workout mode rather quickly. She hardly knew what she'd just said and thought it was obvious what the question was. She didn't know why Pearl was staring at her with a bewildered look on her face. 

 

"I can switch with you?"

 

"Oh!" Pearl hadn't considered for even an instant that Jasper might have been talking about crunches. "I... er, I can. I can try?"

 

It had been a while, but Pearl was hardly out of shape. Still, the embarrassment burned. "I... I'm sorry, I completely misunderstood."

 

Jasper was confused. What was there to misunderstand? Crunches were pretty straight forward.

 

Unless Pearl was comparing herself. In which case, that was completely unfair. Their builds and diets were nothing alike, and nothing was wrong with that. In fact, Jasper found girls like Pearl especially attractive.

 

Jasper got to her knees, making room for Pearl to lie down.

 

"I’m not going to make you, you know. But it only seemed fair of me to offer," Jasper said with an almost guilty smile.

 

"It's not like you need it. I mean, you look great the way you are, so."

 

“Oh! No, no, I--ah--” Pearl stammered, and it was so much easier to just lie down, to take Jasper’s place on the mat. But that wasn’t an explanation, or an answer, and it didn’t make her feel less guilty about where her mind had went.

 

“I, er… euh… I thought we were still talking about… other girls,” her voice dropped, cheeks blazing. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have even--that was totally inappropriate of me.”

 

"Oh, did you want to still talk about that?" Jasper asked. "We can. It's no problem."

 

Jasper put the heels of her hands on the top of Pearl's feet, her fingers brushing her bare ankles. She was curious to see how many Pearl would attempt. 

 

"You… probably don't talk about that sort of thing a lot, huh?"

 

Crunches weren’t part of her usual repertoire, but Pearl fell into them easily. Most of her exercises involved stretching, but she was fairly limber to begin with, even if she couldn’t fall into a perfect splits anymore without preparing.

 

“Garnet doesn’t date,” Pearl admitted, “And Amethyst… it’s different. I don’t know how to talk to her about that kind of thing. And of course, my sisters don’t know.” She paused mid-rep, holding it for a moment before leaning back down again. “I don’t know. Garnet’s parents are the only other people I’ve ever known who were like this. I was Rose’s exception.”

 

Jasper felt at least a little better that Pearl had needed to tell her directly that she was gay. If her sisters didn't know, it couldn't be that obvious.

 

"Rose. So you've been with a woman before," Jasper pointed out, "You just didn't sleep with her."

 

Jasper's eyes followed Pearl as she moved. She had to admit, it was impressive. She'd half expected Pearl to struggle with the first one, but she was keeping up a great pace without trouble.

 

Pearl nodded weakly, feeling her cheeks flush a little. Thinking and moving were easy, usually. If she could sing and dance, she could certainly talk and do reps. The hurt in her chest had nothing to do with the beginnings of strain in her abdomen. 

 

“Three years,” Pearl said at length, dropping her gaze. “But that’s… It’s complicated. We didn’t go to the same school. I… maybe it would be different if we had.”

 

"It can definitely be awkward at first. I mean, it was awhile ago for me, but I remember not being sure about it," Jasper supplied. "When you're young and trying to sneak around your parents, and you still have a room with Lion King bedsheets it's hard to feel 'sexy'."

 

She was so thankful she'd outgrown those awkward years. Even if it had treated her kindly now as far as looks went, puberty was still a time Jasper thanked the Lord was gone.

 

"Three years, though, that's a long time. Damn, you're good at these."

 

She had to compliment Pearl on her ability and chalk it up to another thing she'd underestimated her on.

 

The complement surprised her, and Pearl faltered, but smiled. “I never got to sneak around; triplets in one bedroom doesn’t really allow for sneaking anyone in,” she said. “You had Lion King bedsheets?”

 

Pearl laughed despite herself, and she did have to lay back down briefly while her giggles wound down. “Belle had Stitch.”

 

"Yeah! Lion King is the shit," Jasper replied with a smile. Pearl had a goofy little laugh, and she liked it. She liked that she was the one making her laugh too.

 

She decided Pearl had enough reps, and let her feet go, sitting back.

 

"What? Are you too fancy for talking animals on your sheets?" She teased.

 

"Pink-everything, remember? Yvette got Rilakkuma; I got Hello Kitty," Pearl said, sitting upright and leaning forward without missing a beat, chest flat against her leggings as she stretched her hands out. "Mother wanted us all to match, but Belle was  _ very _ taken by Lilo and Stitch."

 

"Well, even triplets can't all be the same," Jasper replied, not missing the way Pearl bended so easily. Flexibility wasn't her own strong suit, but it was definitely one of Pearl's.

 

"It's impossible to just put a kid into a box and expect them to stay inside of it their whole life. You have to do what you want to do."

 

Somehow, that startled her a little. The easy way Jasper said it was so reminiscent of the easy way she seemed to talk about all the other impossibly difficult things Pearl couldn’t surmount in her life. Pearl peered up at her, wide eyed, almost mystified, and then quirked a smile. “That sounds like a better way to live,” she admitted, pushing herself up again. “Mother is very--she’s an artist. She’s from Paris. I think she would agree. But papa’s side of the family is so rigid, since they married, it’s been… exactly that. Boxes. Neat little boxes. Too athletic, too fat, too loud, too  _ gaijin _ . I can’t imagine what any of them would think if they knew what we were really like.”

 

"Parents are..." Jasper searched for the right words. She didn't exactly have the best relationship with her folks. "I don't know. You grow up thinking they must be right about everything, because they act like they are. Then you learn that they're really just like anyone else out there. In my case, my parents were so wrong about so much."

 

She shrugged, not sure how much she wanted to divulge at the moment. She was supposed to be getting a workout done, and normally nothing could distract her from that. Pearl was a special kind of compelling at the moment.

 

"My dad is cool. He doesn't exactly like that I'm gay, but he doesn't give me a lot of flak for it either. And I barely talk to my stepmother, but she's fine."

 

Her eyebrows knitted together as she looked at Pearl.

 

"What is that? Gai...jin?"

 

Pearl peered up at her, intrigued, but also somewhat confused. Jasper was younger than her--she was pretty sure--but she sounded so much surer of herself, of how the world worked. Pearl couldn’t imagine just telling people her own parents were wrong like that--their ideas were just… dated.

 

The question surprised her. “Oh--it’s, ah… a foreigner,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush. “Since we’re white. Papa’s family is all Japanese.”

 

"Ooh," Jasper said, nodding as if she truly understood when she didn't completely. 

 

"Anyway, what I guess I'm trying to say is, if I had spent more time listening to my parents I would be way worse off. I'm glad I'm kind of on my own now."

 

Jasper got to her feet, preparing herself to do some squats.

 

"You don't have to worry as much about pleasing them all the time."

 

The look Pearl fixed on her was one of absolute bewilderment. It wasn’t as if she didn’t sometimes think about the alternative, but it was with the sort of wistful distance that came with living a double life where she was equal parts horribly repressed and miserable with herself. Her happiest moments were ones her parents and sisters could never know of, couldn’t ever hear of. And they weren’t even her toughest crowd.

 

She thought of her great-grandmother and wondered for the hundred-thousandth time what she would think of her if she knew.

 

“What’s that even like?” she asked, voice small, brows furrowed. “I… I mean, you say it like it’s easy. But I can’t disappoint absolutely everyone around me. They’ll leave, Jasper. There’s no reason to keep me if I can’t meet basic expectations.”

 

"I've been disappointing people since the day I was born," Jasper said, eyes fixed on the wall as she focused on bending her knees. Her lips straightened into a flat line. Pearl's point about them leaving hit a certain soft spot in her. But was that the kind of thing one just dropped into conversation? Even if Jasper said it didn't bother her anymore, even if I had been years and years ago and she couldn't even remember it happening.

 

"If they really loved you," she said, perhaps not even talking to Pearl, "why would they leave?"

 

Pearl couldn’t imagine that. Jasper didn’t seem remotely like the type to disappoint; she was tall and athletic and healthy, confident enough to be honest about her sexuality, brave enough not to lie for eight years about it.

 

Maybe Pearl was projecting.

 

That last question, though, one Pearl knew was rhetorical, one she knew she couldn’t answer, gave her pause. She knew she shouldn’t speak, knew she shouldn’t answer, and still, she mumbled;

 

“If they really knew me, why would they love me?”

 

Jasper blinked.

 

"What?" She said, almost harshly, squinting at her friend.

 

"Pearl wha-- Why wouldn't they love you? What's not to love? They're your parents! They made you; they forced you into this world and made a promise to take care of you! And for them to just toss you aside over-- over what? There's no fuckin' reason for it!"

 

Some voice in the back of her head told her she was getting too heated, but she didn't stop. She wasn't mad at Pearl. Pearl was making perfectly fine points. But Jasper had her own feelings on the subject, and she wasn't going to let them go unheard.

 

"You're, like, a perfect kid. You're the kind of kid other parents kill for. You're the kind that parents say they wish they had. If they don't see that... that's just bullshit."

 

“But I’m not perfect, Jasper!” Pearl insisted, feeling equal parts distressed and frustrated. It wasn’t even her parents that were the problem, not really. Not completely. Sometimes it was. “My dad wants nothing to do with us; papa got saddled with us when he married mother; mother’s entire family won’t speak to any of us! The Kurosaki family doesn’t want a--a bunch of rainbow-colored gaijin brats! And here I am--sneaking around, lying to my parents, lying to my aunts and uncles and cousins, letting them think I’ll be a good girl someday, that I’ll conform, make grandchildren, and you’ve known me less than a day and you know that’ll never happen! I’m never going to--to move to Japan and marry a good man and disappear into the family tree where they can pretend I’m not wrong! I can’t even--” her voice broke, and she ducked her head, scrubbing at the beginnings of tears in her eyes. “I can’t even give someone I love enough for her to stay, no matter how much I bend without breaking!”

 

Jasper was overwhelmed with emotion as Pearl spoke. How much could she relate to that last statement? How many people-- parents and girlfriends alike-- had she tried to give her love to and failed? People pushed her away no matter what she tried, to the point where she wanted to give up trying so hard to please. Defeated and deflated, Jasper stood motionless where she was and stared a hole into the floor.

 

"Wh-" Jasper's voice had difficulty finding itself, "Why do we do this to ourselves?" She asked quietly.

 

There was a good question. An important one. One Pearl couldn’t answer, and knew Jasper wasn’t any better off for herself. She swallowed the bitter lump in her throat, blinked rapidly against her tears, and drew her knees up to hide her face against.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, and she meant it. “I shouldn’t… shouldn’t have yelled. You don’t deserve any of that, Jasper. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you.” Pearl closed her eyes, gripping her leggings at the seams. “God, I… Jasper, I’m so sorry.”

 

"What?" Jasper asked, finally snapping from her miniature trance and dropping to her knees to bring herself to Pearl's level.

 

"Come on, Pearl, you're beating yourself up here. Don't apologize like that to me! I was the one doing most of the yelling anyway."

 

Jasper put her arm around Pearl. She felt like this-- getting upset and mutually comforting each other-- was already becoming frequent. She supposed they both had buried things that were making their way to the surface. At least it was nice to know she wasn't alone.

 

"If there's anyone you shouldn't apologize to about this, it's me."

 

Jasper’s arm around her shoulders was unexpected but altogether welcome. Pearl froze for a moment, but only just, before she somewhat uncertainly wrapped her arms around Jasper in exchange. 

 

“I shouldn’t lash out at you,” Pearl insisted, “It’s bad enough I do it to Amethyst! I shouldn’t--project these, these awful insecurities on you, not when none of it’s remotely your fault, I’m… I shouldn’t be jealous and mean to you for being stronger than I am. It’s not your fault Rose left, and it’s not your fault my family is a mess.”

 

"Hey, hey, come on, Pearl! Everyone's family has its mess. You know my love life sucks at the moment. I don't blame you for getting upset."

 

She squeezed her gently.

 

"You know, I kind of wish I had the guts you do to, like, show it. And to other people. My solution is to usually punch things out."

 

She dipped her head a little, trying to look at Pearl's face.

 

"Unless you think that would help? Because I've got a punching glove somewhere in my room."

 

She glanced at Pearl's hands. Daintier than anything she'd ever seen. Jasper wasn't worried about being hurt by them.

 

"Or, you know, just my palms, even."

 

It took Pearl a moment to even consider the suggestion. It wasn’t her style by any means, by any stretch of the imagination. Pearl sniffled, pushing her hair away from her eyes, and peeked up at Jasper, seriously considering it. 

 

“I usually just cry. A lot,” Pearl admitted, managing an awkward smile. She hugged her a little tighter, pressing her face into her shoulder. “It’s nice of you. Besides, I… I shouldn’t keep you from your workout.”

 

"It's not an issue," Jasper said. Having Pearl's face press against her was such a foreign feeling, it was hard not to recognize it as awkward. But it wasn't unpleasant, either. "You've been helping me out. It's only fair," she insisted.

 

"But first I think you need to find a tissue or something and wipe those tears away. Come on," she gave her a pat.

 

“Oh God, I’m crying all over you,” Pearl mumbled, finally drawing away a little. Despite herself, she laughed, shaking her head. “I can practically hear Yvette yelling at me for being gross. I’m sorry, Jasper.”

 

She withdrew, drawing in a trembling breath. “I should… I should shower. So you can after.”

 

"No harm done," Jasper said. "In a fight, you can get all kinds of stuff all over you. Blood, spit, sweat. It all washes off." She gave her a lopsided smile. "Plus, I'll let you get off easy." She could have added why-- and that was because Pearl was cute. Instead, Jasper hooked her hands under Pearl's arms.

 

"Alright, on your feet," she said, lifting Pearl up and into the air with ease. She set her on her feet with a broad grin.

 

It wasn’t a perfect lift, and the part of Pearl’s brain that insisted on pointing it out could have never spoken to her again and Pearl would have been perfectly happy with that; Jasper’s hands should be lower, closer to her hips, protecting the area between ribcage and hip that normal, healthy girls typically curved a little at. Jasper’s hands were positioned in such a way that she couldn’t display any poise at all, couldn’t gesture like she would on stage. 

 

Because this wasn’t some choreographed routine. And Jasper wasn’t her dance partner. She’d just effortlessly lifted her off the ground like that was a thing girls normally did, like it wasn’t something Pearl enjoyed more than almost anything in the world--and she didn’t have any reason to know it.

 

Pearl’s eyes went wide and round; her cheeks flushed, and she did neatly cross her ankles before her feet touched the ground  _ en pointe _ , because she could also feel Belle judging her poor form from several states away. 

 

Jasper’s roguish grin no doubt melted many hearts. Pearl had to cover her mouth to hide one of her own, muffling undignified giggles.

 

“You weren’t kidding about having no problem lifting me,” she giggled, “Be careful Amethyst doesn’t get it into her head that you’ll do that for her.”

 

"Nah, she won't," Jasper replied. "I only lift girls I like."

 

Jasper wondered if she was walking on dangerous ground, flirting with Pearl. On the one hand, she was single again, so there wasn't any fault there. On the other, she wasn't exactly ready for a relationship. But Pearl was her type; lanky, soft, with big wide eyes that could probably get her hot headed brick wall self to do anything. She was beginning to find her personality charming, too, and that was a perfect disaster for Jasper who could see herself falling hard for Pearl if she wasn't careful.

 

If she hadn't had her heart broken so many times before, she wouldn't have cared about being careful...

 

She shrugged the thoughts from her head and let Pearl from her hold.

 

The pink-haired girl wasn’t confident enough to hope--but oh, it would have been nice. Nice to imagine someone like Jasper liking her even after seeing she was a mess. 

 

It was safer not to assume. More respectful. 

 

It didn’t stop the butterflies in her belly.

 

“She grows on you,” Pearl said, and she crossed her arms habitually across her middle, as if it would help trap the ghost of Jasper’s touch just a little longer. She paused. “It’s a shame--you don’t skate, right? I can’t imagine what that would be like on the ice.”

 

Jasper laughed, fully and loudly.

 

"Me? Figure skating? Forget the fact that I have to balance myself on blades-- the mental image of me doing that kind of stuff! Come on, Pearl, that would be like putting a rhinoceros on the ice. I can imagine it  _ exactly _ for you."

 

“What, there’s something wrong with imagining you in tights? Half of what you’re wearing is at least 60% nylon right now, Jasper, it’s not a difficult stretch,” Pearl teased, glad that Jasper found it funny, rather than insulting. “Besides, bigger girls than you skate. It’s not like we could ever go competitive, it just seems like it would be fun! Mostly for me.” 

 

Maybe only for her. Jasper would be the one doing all the work, and while she could probably get an eye-full of Pearl’s costume from an unusual angle, it was definitely presumptuous to think that she’d want to.

 

Jasper put her hands on her hips, looking down at Pearl with a flirtatious smile after her initial surprise came and went. 

 

"Oh, I see. You're imagining me in tights. Well I still think that's hilarious. But hey, getting to see you in tights..."

 

She gave an appreciate glance toward Pearl's legs.

 

"You might get me on the ice after all, Pearl."

 

Pearl’s cheeks flushed at the idea. She hadn’t explicitly been thinking… Well, she certainly was  _ now _ . Jasper had musculature to die for, and Pearl didn’t need to see her in spandex to know that. 

 

“You say that like you won’t see me in tights by the end of the week,” she teased, taking a step toward the hall. “But if that’s what it takes, I’m absolutely not above teaching you.”

 

"I hope that's a promise," Jasper said, watching Pearl go with a smile and stretching her arms out to warm them up again. Okay, so she was doing this. Flirting unabashedly, seeing where it would go. She was definitely feeling way sexier after the confidence boost, which was in a large way thanks to Pearl. Hopefully it came off well. From the way Pearl was responding, she wasn't doing half bad.

 

"And I'm not talking about the teaching."

 

There was no way to interpret that as anything but flirting, and Pearl knew the moment she misstepped and almost slipped into the wrong door--Jasper’s door, of all things!--that she was both out of her depth, and not unhappy to be there. 

 

Still, she flushed when she stumbled, caught the right doorknob purely by luck, and barely managed to meet Jasper’s gaze, even though she was smiling. “I’m pretty sure I own more tights than Amethyst has shirts,” she teased, fumbling a little with her doorknob. It caught, but it always had; she was used to the handle jerking a little when she tried to get in. “But ah… I’d hate to disappoint. Especially someone who never gets a complaint.”

 

Jasper felt a little pleasant heat creep up the back of her neck at the comment. So, Pearl was still thinking about that? She was glad it had stuck with her. If given the chance, she certainly didn't want to give Pearl any reason to complain.

 

"I'm sure you won't," Jasper said, flexing her arms not-so-subtly over her head.

 

Pearl caught herself before she could disagree, but barely. It wasn’t as if it would come to anything right away, after all. Neither of them was rushing into anything. Pearl, certainly, didn’t have the confidence to bare herself to Jasper, who had definitely been with better-looking girls, even if Lapis might not have been one of them.

 

The door stuck a little more stubbornly than usual, and she almost froze, but there was no way she was going to shower without a fresh change of clothes available in the bathroom. She knew better than to risk getting stuck in the hallway in a towel. 

 

She didn’t need that point against her, too!

 

“Ah-- _ matta ne _ !” She squeaked as the door finally swung inward behind her, and whatever deity occasionally watched over her must have been doing it now, because she managed to slip inside without falling on her face.

 

Jasper felt her cheeks starting to hurt from smiling and she caught herself. It was no good to get attached this fast, but that wouldn't stop her, would it? At least with her distraction gone she could drop to the floor and start on her push up routine. Maybe she just needed to get it out of her system. Do some flirting to start feeling good again. And yet, her thoughts still lingered on Pearl in a way that told her this was more than just her usual need to impress cute girls.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some quiet time after a shower helps with settling in... at least a little.

A lingering sense of responsibility had Pearl texting Garnet to warn her ahead of time about the possibility that Lapis would be a problem, and sending a somewhat more cryptic text to Amethyst, emphasizing that she absolutely should not invite any blue-haired girls in, at all, period, under penalty of death.

 

Amethyst proceeded to send her pictures of several girls Pearl had never met, and Pearl was perfectly happy to abandon her phone on her bed. 

 

Pearl considered briefly what to change into after her shower--then, realizing that she was taking far too long on this, she sent Garnet a panicked text:

 

_ I might have a crush on Jasper. _

 

Garnet's phone buzzed in her pocket and she slipped it out to see a text from Pearl.

 

She had to read it twice.

 

Her initial thought was that Pearl was joking, but Pearl wasn't like Amethyst. She didn't make statements like that out of nowhere. But what exactly had changed from Pearl crying over her gay confession to Jasper and now, exactly? Garnet definitely hadn't seen this coming.

 

Pearl's phone displayed a tiny blue ellipses as Garnet typed her response.

 

_ You might? _

 

The response didn’t take long to reach her, and Pearl paused as she looked down at her phone. She should wait. She shouldn’t jump into something like this.

 

_ I know she’s attractive _ .

 

That text was easy to send. Really, that went without saying. Pearl swallowed hard before she sent her next text.

 

_ I don’t know if there’s much more than that yet. _

 

Garnet chewed her lip in thought. Pearl couldn't help who she found attractive, of course. She didn't want to shame her for that. But she was also talking about  _ Jasper _ of all people. Volatile, rough, and explosive Jasper. The Jasper that Garnet certainly had no reason to trust yet. She had an inkling that it might be because she'd just found out about Jasper's sexuality (and had promptly informed Garnet in a nervous excitement). Pearl hadn't known many gay women in her lifetime. Maybe it was easy to get swept up in it? Garnet wasn't sure. 

 

_ Well, just take it slow _

 

That was good advice for any relationship, she reasoned.

 

_ Get to know her better _

 

Sound advice. Good wisdom. 

 

Garnet was smarter than she’d ever been, even without experience. Pearl still wondered how that was possible, but she didn’t wonder about the actual content of her wisdom.

 

_ Thanks. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t your thing. _

 

More than that, she knew how much trouble her disastrous failed relationship with Rose had been. She frowned at her phone’s screen, then shook her head and sent one more.

 

_ Don’t let me get too stupid?  _

 

_ No need to apologize. I'm always here for you. And you're not stupid, Pearl _

 

That was the truth. Pearl, for all her insecurities, was most certainly one of the very smartest people Garnet had ever met.

 

_ So, are you going to hit on her? _

 

That one Pearl wasn’t sure about. She certainly felt stupid. She’d spent the better part of three years feeling varying degrees of stupid over Rose, and should have learned at least a little from it, and yet…

 

_ I have been. I think. That’s kind of the problem. I… think she’s hitting on me too.  _

 

_ Not surprised. You're a cutie pie after all. _

 

Garnet smiled to herself. Sure, it was Jasper they were talking about, but Pearl probably felt good getting some wanted attention from another woman, especially one as arguably attractive as Jasper was.

 

_ Should I come home late tonight? Give you two some alone time? _

 

She couldn't help but tease her best friend. But if it turned out she actually  _ did _ want to get some privacy with Jasper, well, she wasn't going to judge!

 

_ Oh God Garnet I’ll die, don’t leave me! _

 

Pearl laughed a little to herself, feeling her cheeks flush at the very idea. It wasn’t as if she hated the entire notion, but Pearl had no confidence. Not on her own. Not with a girl she barely knew.

 

_...I’m scared to go shower while she’s exercising. _

 

That was more like Pearl. It was good to know she was still being herself despite the crush.

 

But the next message confused her. It was normal for Pearl to get anxious over things that she herself wouldn't. Still, she wondered if there was more to it.

 

_ I'll be home soon if you need to wait, _ she replied quickly. And then, after a moment...

 

_ Are you… afraid of her walking in on you or something? _

 

If Jasper was giving off that vibe then there was a serious problem. Garnet would not hesitate to re-break a nose.

 

The second text was a thought she’d never entertained, and Pearl stared at her phone for several seconds.

 

_ No. _

 

Although that would certainly… be an experience, wouldn’t it? Her cheeks flushed. Jasper walking in on her would conveniently, in fact, put the two of them in the right place…

 

That certainly wasn’t something to tell Garnet!

 

_ That seems more like Amethyst. _

 

She wrote and deleted several texts without sending them, perfectly aware that the ideas all came from a mixture of anxiety and fantasy, and few--if any--made any sense at all. Once it was spelled out on her screen, it looked absolutely ridiculous.

 

_...I think I’m just nervous. It’s weird if I leave the bathroom dressed. But it’s weird if I don’t! And she had no problem just walking out yesterday, and I’m… absolutely over-thinking this. _

 

_ Gotcha. And you are overthinking. Just get dressed in there if you're uncomfortable. Plenty of people do it _

 

Garnet, now walking out of the academics building and heading toward home, glanced up to make sure she wasn't going to hit anything before adding:

 

_ but if you want to give her a little something to think about, no shame in that either _

 

Jasper clearly didn't have a problem with nudity, after all, if their initial meeting in the dorm told her anything.

 

_ Can we change bodies if I go with that second option? There’s not much under the wrapper on mine. _

 

Pearl was half joking there, but it did make her feel a little better that Garnet wasn’t upset with her, at least not over the prospect of flirting with Jasper. 

 

_ Actually, I don’t want Amethyst seeing either of our bodies, can we banish her forever? _

 

Garnet chuckled quietly to herself. Amethyst wasn't the easiest roommate to have, but she was a hell of a lot better than many and a great friend. 

 

_ She's out more often than not. Besides, you wouldn't have the heart to banish her completely _

 

Garnet was thankful Amethyst didn't hang out in their dorm too much. Even she got annoyed by the girl's reckless antics at times.

 

_ And don't discount yourself so much. Anyone who gets to unwrap you is getting a very hot gift _

 

Coming from Garnet of all people,  _ that _ was quite the confidence boost. Pearl smiled and sent her a series of hearts.

 

_ You’re right. About Amethyst. Not sure about the other thing, but it would be weird if I saw myself that way, with my sisters. I’ll go shower. See you after? _

 

Pearl weighed wisdom against the silly urge to tease Garnet about wrappers and sleeping, but that was overstepping. She was pretty sure, at least. 

 

She gathered up her courage and found pajamas and a fresh towel. 

 

_ See you soon _ was all Garnet sent back, knowing she'd be with Pearl again shortly and not wanting to distract her any further from her shower. She wondered when she'd have the opportunity to speak to Jasper alone, because now there definitely had to be a mildly threatening talk about not hurting her best friend. She wouldn't let anyone take advantage of Pearl. Not as long as she was on this Earth.

 

Pearl slipped out of her room with her toiletries folded neatly into her towel, trapped against her chest, and despite herself, she peered down the hall toward the living room, where Jasper was still occupied with her workout.

 

"Last call for the bathroom," Pearl said, "Garnet should be home soon. I haven't a clue about Amethyst." 

 

At least the pictures of girls with blue-dyed hair had stopped. For now.

 

"I'm good!" Jasper called back breathlessly, now working up an actual sweat with her indoor cardio routine. It wasn't as fulfilling or half as enjoyable as going to the gym, but it still felt good. And damn, she should have just bit the bullet and gone out, shouldn't she have? Shown she wasn't scared? But then she wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk to Pearl, and that was so much better than bumping into her ex.

 

Tomorrow was another day.

 

“Okay!” Pearl replied. It wasn’t as if she took long to shower, generally, and Jasper did seem engrossed in her routine. 

 

Besides, it wasn’t like Pearl had any reason to take a long shower. With her hair dye rapidly fading and an overly-healthy sense of profound embarrassment about being overheard if she were to even  _ try _ to… enjoy… her time alone, especially when Jasper was literally exercising down the hall, she knew that lukewarm water and shaving were really her only options. 

 

Showering was easily handled, even if Pearl came away from it chilly and feeling even smaller than when she went in. Without a little styling, her pink hair clung to her pale face the way Belle’s did, and while she’d never think it of her sister,  _ her _ face in the mirror looking back at her looked like a drowned rat.

 

Pearl knew there was no sense doing her makeup at this hour, knew she would just end up washing it off, but she sorely wished that she looked… more. More  _ anything _ . More colorful, more impressive, more curves—her hair wasn’t growing very quickly this year, although she’d never let it past her shoulders to begin with, but despite Garnet’s encouragement she  _ really _ didn’t see what was appealing under the wrapper. 

 

Wasn’t that the entire point of clothes?

 

She still wasn’t even sure what Jasper could possibly see in her physically. Jasper had professed interest in breasts, which Pearl barely had at all. She looked down at her bony pelvis and long legs as she dressed—leggings again, but this time paired with the school shirt Garnet had picked up for her earlier, which wasn’t at all sexy but did make it clear she was planning to spend a night in, and was definitely clean—and wished she didn’t bruise so easily, wished she didn’t look so much like her  _ male _ cousins, and then splashed water from the sink into her face to stop that train of thought.

 

She didn’t  _ actually _ look like a boy. And if she did, Jasper wouldn’t have been flirting with her. Even if Rose had seen her mostly naked once, even if the lilt to her voice had been teasing and approving and not meant to be insulting, Pearl didn’t look like a  _ boy _ . Boys didn’t have pink hair, or wear jewelry, or tights, or spend a thousand years in the bathroom worrying about their demonstrably far-hotter roommates’ opinions of bodies they weren’t even going to look at. That was the entire point of getting dressed  _ in _ the bathroom. 

 

Pearl did manage to deposit her used clothes in the hamper before she slipped out again, absently checking her phone, just in case. Amethyst had switched to sending her pictures of blue-haired girls from the party she knew better than to be at, and Pearl suspected she was just following the same one around now, trying to get different angles, but it wasn’t Lapis.

 

Garnet came through the front door, depositing her keys in the cup on the counter and being greeted by the sight of Jasper first thing. The wrestler seemed to be working on some sort of cool-down, but their eyes met briefly and Garnet nodded.

 

"Hey," she said. Jasper gave a nod and a grunt back.

 

Garnet dropped her bag onto the couch and slid herself onto it to relax.

 

Her best friend’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Pearl took another glance at her phone, at the rapidly dwindling battery as Amethyst continued to send blurry photos of strangers, and hooked it up to charge in her room before slipping back out into the living room.

 

It was easy to lean over the back of the couch to hug Garnet around the shoulders, made easier by the knowledge that it wouldn’t set off any social landmines. “Missed you,” Pearl said, pulling back with a smile. “Also, I’m sorry if Amethyst realizes I abandoned my phone and starts sending you pictures instead. Her data plan can’t last forever.”

 

"What's she sending you pictures of?" Garnet asked, looking up at her friend curiously.

 

"Nothing too gross, I hope?"

 

Amethyst could be fairly disgusting in a way Garnet didn't find as amusing as she did. She gladly accepted dares to eat things off the ground, left week old bowls of milk in her room, and found toilet-based humor to be up there with the best of what comedy offered.

 

“Girls with blue hair. I told her not to let any in after the, er… fight I had earlier, and now she’s tailing some poor girl at that party and trying to make a point, probably, that that color is popular and that I should be more specific about who’s not allowed in our dorm,” Pearl sighed, “So nothing gross. Drunk freshmen in bad lighting.”

 

"No, we can just be glad the pictures don't come with smell," Garnet replied.

 

Jasper slowed to a stop, picking up her favorite burgundy hand towel and wiping her forehead with it before turning to look at Pearl. Garnet took in the eyeful of Jasper's body and couldn't say she was surprised by Pearl's sudden interest. In her shorts and sports bra, Jasper wasn't leaving much to the imagination.

 

"There are an unusual number of girls on this campus with dyed hair," Jasper pointed out.

 

Pearl peeked up at her, leaning easily on the back of the couch. “Do you think so?” she asked, never having really considered it. The school she had attended with Garnet was small; expensive to attend, but loose in that respect. She sighed faintly. “I’m so used to having to do it. We didn’t have uniforms, but nobody could tell me apart from my sisters before we started dying our hair. Except Garnet.”

 

"You don't look all that alike," Garnet argued. "Yvette's nose is turned up like she's always trying to sniff the air above her head, for one."

 

And, oddly enough, Belle seemed to do the opposite and spent a lot of time looking at the ground.

 

"Your personalities set you apart. Make you look totally different."

 

“At least three teachers couldn’t tell us apart in a line,” Pearl teased, but she couldn’t disagree entirely. “Yvette also had more boyfriends than any reasonable person should… I’ll never know why. I don’t think she was ever serious about any of them.”

 

Not that anyone on the Kurosaki side of the family knew that. As far as they were concerned, Yvette’s one, successful, steady boyfriend would probably marry her and take one of three problems off their hands. 

 

“I still can’t tell your aunts apart,” Pearl admitted, “I mean--I can obviously tell them from your mom, but your family gatherings give me a headache.”

 

Garnet grinned, holding back a giggle. Pearl had never said it aloud, but she knew she had trouble telling her aunts apart. Even Garnet herself had trouble knowing the difference as a kid! 

 

"Girl, the funniest thing is seeing your face light up when you see Aunt Ivy 'cause she's the only one you can confidently call by name!"

 

The eyepatch was a dead giveaway. She swore one of these days her aunts were going to give Pearl a heart attack when they put an eyepatch on Doc or Peggy or one of the others and tricked her. Garnet could already see the look of mortified embarrassment on poor Pearl's face. But she was mostly helpless to prevent it.

 

“What if I just don’t call  _ any _ of them by name this Thanksgiving? Can I get away with that? I don’t even think Ivy likes me,” Pearl said, flushing a little in her embarrassment. It would have been easier if the lot of them weren’t in some biker gang. With matching jackets. And sometimes matching haircuts. It had to be intentional. The pink-haired girl dropped her chin to Garnet’s shoulder, peering over at Jasper. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Jasper?”

 

Jasper shrugged. Halloween was fast approaching and she had no idea what she was doing for that, even. Probably getting drunk as hell and doing something she'd end up regretting. But Thanksgiving hadn't been on her mind until this second.

 

"Uh, don't know," she said. She couldn't help the completely absurd pang of jealousy that Garnet and Pearl were so casually close. "I'll be here. Probably just watching football."

 

“Ah, we’ll have to stop papa from watching football the whole time too,” Pearl said, frowning a little. It seemed wrong to just accept Jasper’s lack of plans at face value, but it wasn’t her place to invite their new roommate to Garnet’s parents’ house. “You’re not going to be stuck here for all the holidays, are you?”

 

"It's not really like I'm stuck," Jasper replied. "I'd honestly rather be here than home."

 

Her home life was so not a picture perfect scene of a family gathered around a turkey. She could go to Bis' if she really wanted a place to go, but her entire house stank of smoke and Jasper couldn't stand it. She loved Bis, but she did not love watery eyes, ashes on the table, and being squeezed a billion times by a billion different people. It was much more enjoyable to go there any other weekend and skip the great uncles and cousins' cousins' cousins.

 

"It's not a big deal," Jasper continued. "I'm not used to the big fancy dinners and stuff anyway."

 

That only served to make Pearl worry and wonder, but she had the sense to keep those questions to herself for now. No one liked to be grilled about their families around strangers.

 

"I'm kind of envious," Pearl admitted. "I hate flying out for the holidays. But we especially can't get out of it this year, not with the coming of age ceremony."

 

Garnet peered up at Pearl, glancing between her and Jasper. Despite how much she already disliked the girl, it was half tempting to invite Jasper to Thanksgiving. She hated thinking anyone would rather be on an abandoned college campus eating fast food than at their own. It pointed to there being very little positivity in Jasper's family, where Garnet had grown up with parents that adored her and all the comforts she could have ever asked for. But there was time for that yet. 

 

"The… what?" Jasper asked.

 

“ _ Seijin no Hi _ ,” Pearl said easily, even if she looked a little embarrassed. “It’s, ah… A Japanese tradition. My sisters and I will be twenty in December, and it’s important to great-grandmother, because we might be the last grandchildren she sees reach the age of majority. Our town in Nagasaki has a  _ Seijin-shiki _ every January, so we’ll be participating this year. It’s our last year to wear  _ furisode _ .”

 

"Damn, when I turned twenty we just went bowling and drank cheap beer in a friend's basement," Jasper said with good humor, pulling her towel around her neck and resting it on her shoulders. Pearl used big words, and some of them definitely weren't English. It was a little intimidating. 

 

"Pearl's family is really big on their traditions," Garnet added.

 

"Yeah, she was telling me about it," Jasper responded-- a chance to prove to Garnet they'd been connecting with her not there. "Guy-gin and all that."

 

Garnet cracked a little smile.

 

“Ehh? You’re older than me?” Pearl squeaked, wide-eyed, leaning over Garnet’s shoulder in her surprise. She didn’t suppose she could argue against Jasper’s underage drinking if that were the case. 

 

Well… older wasn’t a bad thing, by any means. Pearl wondered how the idea hadn’t occurred to her even once. It seemed silly, in hindsight, to assume that she was a freshman like Amethyst. 

 

"Yeah," Jasper said, a tad disappointed in herself. Even though it was in the past, and even though she felt as though Pearl had no right to judge her for it, the mistakes she'd made in her youth still weighed on her. 

 

"I… got into some trouble as a kid," she said, trying not to sound ashamed in front of Garnet or Pearl. She headed toward the kitchen to get herself some water. "I thought I was too good for school, started acting up, quit, and didn't plan on going back. So it took me a little longer to graduate. But I got set straight and now I'm here."

 

The disappointment was palpable, and Pearl paused, brows furrowed. “Jasper, there’s nothing wrong with that,” she said, pushing her hair out of her eyes. “I was just surprised… I thought you were younger.” The girl quirked a smile. “As long as Garnet’s still the oldest, Amethyst can’t get away with anything, anyway.”

 

Jasper hid her face as she poured water into her glass, mad with herself that she'd babbled on about it at all. She could have said nothing. Could have left it at a simple answer. Pearl hadn't asked for an explanation. But the girl was so open with everything, it made her feel comfortable saying things she normally didn't. But when she glanced back at Pearl as she took a sip from the glass, she noticed she was smiling amiably, and so was Garnet.

 

"And she knows it too," Garnet confirmed.

 

"Hm. Well, now you know. I've got height and age on you, Pearl."

 

“Height and age, and strength, even if I’ll have to teach you to skate,” Pearl said thoughtfully, “Confidence goes without saying. Garnet might have to help with teaching lifts, though… It’s hard to instruct from the air.” To say nothing of how very, very distracted Pearl knew she would be with Jasper’s hands around her, especially if they were both flirting. 

 

Garnet might have been willing to deny that pretty girls made her incredibly stupid, but Pearl was at least smart enough to know she’d lose her head.

 

Jasper tossed the rest of the glass back and then placed it on the counter. Flirting brazenly with Pearl in front of Garnet might not have been the best idea considering she was on the older girl's bad side, but it would do wonders for her ego.

 

"You've still got brains on me though," she said, flirtatious smile and all. "And good looks."

 

She made her way toward the bathroom door, knowing she couldn't go straight to bed after working up a sweat. But her eyes took Pearl in as she did so.

 

"Yeah. Definitely good looks."

 

Pearl felt heat creep into her cheeks for at least the dozenth time that day. “I’m surrounded by Greek goddesses, and you’ve somehow mistaken me for the attractive one,” Pearl managed, and her smile was genuine, if somewhat hesitant. “So you might be right about the brains.”

 

"Hey, I got eyes," Jasper replied smugly. She passed into the bathroom without giving Pearl another chance to argue with her. She wouldn't win anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst is in over her head, and Jasper and Garnet do not get along well.

Garnet turned her head to look at Pearl, an eyebrow lifted. Oftentimes she didn't even need to say things to her best friend out right--a knowing look was enough.

 

Garnet had always been full of knowing looks, but Pearl couldn’t help flushing at that. “I panicked,” she said quickly, “And you’re both demonstrably hotter than I could ever hope to be.”

 

"You've got it bad for her already," Garnet said, shaking her head in amusement. "At least she's capable of being mildly charming, I suppose. Just can't imagine a brute like her being very romantic."

 

Pearl couldn’t deny that. There was a part of her that almost didn’t want to. “Romantic didn’t work out so well for me last time,” she said, fiddling with her ring absently. Thinking about Rose in any capacity made her heart feel like it was trapped in a vice. Her gaze dropped. “And she’s confident and direct… even if nothing came of it, maybe--maybe I could learn to be like that, a little.”

 

Garnet got to her knees, twisting on the couch so that she could take Pearl's cheeks firmly in both hands.

 

"Listen, Pearl. You deserve someone who will treat you right. Anyone who treats you wrong doesn't deserve a place in your heart. Or your memories."

 

Under Garnet’s scrutiny it was hard not to crumble. Pearl blinked at the beginnings of tears in her eyes, and she didn’t have room to nod.

 

They’d been over this. Thoroughly. It was a little easier to resist the urge to defend Rose’s memory now, though.

 

“Both of you think more highly of me than I do,” she said, and her voice cracked, but she couldn’t help that. “I… I don’t know if I’ll… Maybe I won’t find that in her. And I could be okay with that, Garnet. I could! I’d rather be hopelessly attracted to… to another friend, who’ll stay, despite everything, than what happened with Rose. Or… maybe I’ll find it.” Pearl drew in a shaky breath and reached to squeeze Garnet’s hands. “I don’t know if it’s stupid or desperate or absolutely insane to look, but I… Jasper’s right about these--boxes, these stupid boxes, and I don’t want to be safely tucked away in a box forever just because it’s easier.”

 

"It's not stupid. Sure, I think Jasper's just some douche-y jock. But I would be more than happy for her to prove me wrong. And what I want more than anything is to see  _ you _ happy, Pearl."

 

It pained Garnet to see Pearl crying yet again over Rose. That woman had done so much more harm than good to Pearl's poor heart. 

 

"And I know you can be. I think breaking out is exactly what you need."

 

Pearl wasn’t sure that she could do it, but Garnet’s support meant more than she could put into words. She nodded weakly, then leaned forward to hug her, pressing her face into her best friend’s shoulder.

 

Some part of her still wished it could be Garnet. But she knew better, knew it was silly to wish, and she also knew she wouldn’t change a single thing about Garnet even if she could.

 

“Next life’s ours, right?” she half-teased, “And you’re still not getting out of me cooking for you for the rest of  _ this _ life, either.”

 

"I fully expect to be fed your cooking until the day I die," Garnet said, hugging Pearl back. She knew her friend had daydreams of just settling down with her and living in domestic bliss. However, Garnet knew for certain Pearl would never be content with that. Not with her. She couldn't return Pearl's feelings the same way; but she would be there for her friend for forever.

 

"Your wife will just have to deal with me getting my helping first."

 

Pearl giggled despite her tears, depositing herself on the arm of the couch exactly the way she forbade Amethyst from doing. She tried simultaneously to dry her eyes and to resolutely not untangle herself from Garnet’s embrace and mostly succeeded. “Well, if it’s Jasper, you can’t go breaking each other’s noses,” she teased, closing her eyes briefly. That was one fantasy she’d never dared to indulge in with Rose--what Rose wanted from her, and what Garnet wanted for her, were incompatible in the same measures that most of her life was. And she’d known that, deep down.

 

Maybe this would be different.

 

If it went anywhere at all.

 

“I think…” Pearl said haltingly, a little unsure of where that thought led, but determined that she had to say it somehow. “I think that… right now, that’s. That’s what I should be looking for. Someone who wants the things you want for me. Or at least who’s reading from the same book you are.”

 

"That's a good place to start," Garnet somewhat agreed. "Someone who puts effort into making you happy. Who enjoys spending time with you. Who wants to see you grow."

 

Those were all things Garnet wanted for Pearl, but they were Garnet's requirements for being a friend in general. If someone in her life  _ didn't _ want those things for her, Garnet didn't need them in her life.

 

"But I'm not exactly the best model. You have to think about what you want from a partner as well. And then you have to speak up about those things, you know."

 

Garnet knew more about relationships than most people who had actually been in them. Her marriage counseling mother was completely to blame on that.

 

"Do you want it to be long term? Do you want to be exclusive? Do you want to experiment in bed? Things like that."

 

Okay, so, Garnet might have added the last point just in the hopes of lightening Pearl's mood, but in her defense it  _ was _ still important. Pearl had grown up remarkably sheltered in comparison.

 

“‘Whatever she likes as long as she stays’ is the wrong answer,” Pearl said, managing a little smile, despite being acutely aware of how pathetic that sounded out loud. “Mostly because that doesn’t work… despite what papa’s family likes to think.” That was another issue, perhaps for another day. She didn’t think being completely in the dark was her own doing, at least not entirely. Assertiveness in those departments weren’t qualities she was sure she could have. 

 

“But I… Garnet, I don’t know,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks color, just a little. “I don’t think I’m… enough to keep one person interested like that, much less two or more. I don’t even know if I want to have sex! ...Okay, that’s a lie, I’m fairly certain I want that sometime. And since it wouldn’t be immediate, I suppose that answers the first question, right?”

 

"The answers come later. It's just good to have a base to stand on."

 

Garnet smiled gently, glad to see Pearl thinking it out, even with all the uncertainty. She'd come to find her friend enjoyed planning things out rather than launching herself into things face first. 

 

"I think what you have to realize, Pearl, is that you're worth staying for. No question. As a friend, as a lover, as a child even-- people want you in their lives because you are an interesting and valuable person. Not everyone is going to think so. The right people, though, they will."

 

Pearl could feel her eyes brimming with tears all over again, and she nodded around the lump in her throat that wanted to protest. By Garnet’s logic, there were an awful lot of people in her life now that weren’t in agreement, and likely wouldn’t stay, even if she’d spent most of the last nineteen years tailoring everything she could to keep them. 

 

“I love you,” Pearl sighed faintly, scrubbing at her tears. “I’m… I should get some work done. Before tomorrow’s midterm.”

 

"I love you too," Garnet assured her. "Go on. Be responsible and study. I should be doing that too."

 

Instead, she picked up the remote and turned on the television. Getting comfortable on the couch, she put her feet up and started to relax.

 

"But first, some Garnet time."

 

After the relative stress of having to put up with Pearl’s meltdowns on top of Jasper moving in, and with midterms on the horizon, Pearl wasn’t truly surprised that her best friend wanted some Garnet time. She gave her shoulder a final, grateful squeeze and slipped off of the couch.

 

Of course, getting to actually study would have been too easy. By the time she’d situated everything on her desk, set her notebook up beside her primary laptop, and located the relevant textbooks, Pearl was very acutely aware that her phone was buzzing almost nonstop. Amethyst was probably sending more pictures, but the buzzing was incessant. Pearl couldn’t think around the buzzing. And so, with the intent of putting the phone on silent, she pushed back from her desk.

 

_ Six missed calls. _

 

Pearl stared at the notification, confused; somewhere along the line, Amethyst’s phone must have died, because she didn’t recognize the number for half of them, and the dozen or so unread texts were all blurry photos, but they’d stopped sometime before the missed calls started.

 

“Amethyst, if you gave my number to someone, I swear…”

 

Her iPhone’s attempts to transcript the voicemails were valiant, but ultimately useless. There was probably too much background noise. It  _ was _ a party, after all. Pearl didn’t really want to listen to them, anyway.

 

Mid-way through writing a condemning text to Amethyst, the mystery number was calling again, and Pearl almost hung up on reflex--but she caught herself and reconsidered. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Finally,” came a voice Pearl didn’t recognize, but there was a surprising lack of background noise. She was pretty sure she could hear sirens, but not partying. “Look, Amethyst’s phone died, and she needs to get home, and maybe see a doctor, and yours is the only number I could get out of her--Can you pick her up? I’ll text the address.”

 

Pearl felt her stomach drop out. “I have a car,” she affirmed, “Why does she need a doctor? Why are there sirens?”

 

“Everyone was a little too drunk, a little too shove-y, and I can’t send her off in an ambulance. And I don’t want her busted for being underage. It’s a minor head injury, she’s probably fine--”

 

“A head injury?” Pearl scrambled for her jacket, checking her pockets for her keys and campus ID. 

 

“She got between an idiot and a chair. She’s lucid. Doesn’t look like she needs stitches. Look, I can answer anything you like once you’re here, but if you’re able to pick her up--”

 

“I can,” Pearl said automatically, fumbling with her door and stumbling into the hallway. “I’ve got gas. I don’t know how far you are? I can pick her up.” She probably shouldn’t drive while panicking, but then, Amethyst shouldn’t be drunk and injured at a party. 

 

She shouldn’t have left her phone in her room.

 

“Gotcha. I’ll text it to you, ‘Dorm Mom.’”

 

It didn't take Jasper long to soap up and rinse down, but she cursed under her breath as she exited the shower. She hadn't thought to bring in a change of clothes. Not that it mattered much-- Jasper definitely wasn't  _ embarrassed _ by it. And with Pearl and her now flirting, showing off could be a great tactic in her favor. However, Garnet was home now, and she didn't need that smug roommate of hers giving her judging looks. Still, putting on her sweaty workout clothes were not a viable option. A towel it was.

 

She held the thing around her, dirty clothes tucked under an arm and ends of her hair still dripping slightly, and tried to make a beeline for her room. She managed to slip past Garnet in the living room with relative ease, but when she entered the hall she bumped into a hurried Pearl.

 

Whoever had her number was sure taking their sweet time texting the address. Pearl didn’t even hear Jasper opening the bathroom door, and she bumped right into her and nearly jumped out of her skin in surprise.

 

“Jasper!”

 

Something in the back of her mind registered that their towels were too small, that she should probably buy beach towels for Jasper to use. But that thought was quickly overshadowed by several other panicked notions. “Jasper do you know anything about head injuries?” she blurted out, catching her arm without thinking.

 

Jasper glanced between Pearl's very soft fingers on her arm, to the fact that her boobs were practically spilling out of the damn towel, to the worried look in Pearl's eyes as she tried to comprehend the question when she just wanted to escape. Showing off was one thing, but the towel felt like it was going to slip any second and that was  _ not _ her intention. Pearl's words had definitely thrown her off. Head injuries? What in the world?

 

"Uhhh… I guess? Not really. What?"

 

“Amethyst got hurt at the party she went to, and I need to pick her up, but she won’t go to a hospital, and she’s drunk and…” And Pearl realized now that she was panicking, and she withdrew her hand, curling shaking fingers around her phone instead. “I don’t know the details, I don’t even know how far off the party is, but I don’t know what to do if she’s really hurt! Her phone died and I’m waiting on the address so I can go pick her up, but I don’t know…” she drew in a trembling breath, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I… I’ll handle it. I’ll figure something out.”

 

"Hey, hey, calm down," Jasper said, seeing Pearl grow more erratic by the second. If she didn't stop and focus, she'd be the one with a head injury when she inevitably crashed her car. 

 

"Pearl, I'm sure she's fine, and she's probably close. No sense in freaking out until you actually get her and see the damage. And if it's really that bad? Just take her to the hospital."

 

Jasper may have offered to go with her, but time seemed of the essence and she was not going without pants.

 

Going against Amethyst’s wishes and taking her to the hospital anyway somehow hadn’t occurred to her, but the idea that the option existed--that reasonable, not panicking people would think of it--was immensely comforting. Pearl nodded obediently. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry,” she murmured, feeling heat creep into her cheeks as she realized how silly she must have sounded.

 

Her phone buzzed in her hands, announcing the arrival of a text.

 

“Thanks, Jasper. I’m… hopefully it won’t be too bad, and hopefully we won’t keep you up being noisy,” she said, trying vainly to calm down. She wished she’d taken a first aid course, or something, but Garnet never got injured, and similarly, never got hit in the face with a chair. And if she had, she would have gone to the hospital like a sensible person.

 

Pearl was too distracted by her worries to be properly nervous, and she managed a smile, feeling a little disconnected from the situation. “I won’t keep you trapped in the hall.”

 

Jasper quickly stepped to the side, allowing Pearl to pass her. She realized belatedly she probably should have done that sooner, but at least she had managed to somewhat calm Pearl before the drive ahead of her. 

 

"Be safe, Pearl," she said. "Keep your phone on you."

 

Well of course she was going to do that, dummy. But it was the first piece of advice that had popped into her head, and thus the first thing to fly out of her mouth.

 

Somehow, that surprised Pearl, just a little, and she peered up at Jasper, managing a smile. “I will. And I’ll text Garnet with updates. Remind me to get your number if you’re still up when I get back?”

 

"Yeah! Don't worry about waking me up," she called, hearing the front door slam shut as Pearl rushed out. Jasper finally retreated into her own room and found a pair of boxer shorts and a long sleeve tee to tug on. She dried her hair properly, tossed the towel over her dresser door, and checked her phone. Couple of texts from Bis, one from a guy in her English class, and a reminder from the new coach, Holly, about their schedule. Just as Jasper was cracking open her laptop and booting it up, there was a knock on her door.

 

"Jasper," came Garnet's voice. And Jasper opened it to see her standing there, arms crossed.

 

"We need to talk."

  
  


* * *

 

 

The walk to her car was nerve-wracking, but their campus was well-lit and the parking garage was very close to their dorm. From the address provided, it wasn’t a very long drive, albeit toward the side of town Pearl generally avoided and had never personally navigated. She had instructions on which house to go to, though, and to ask for someone named Vidalia. At least the name was familiar; some girl Amethyst knew who didn’t actually go to their school. Pearl wasn’t sure if she should be thankful for that. She didn’t particularly want to be recognized at a house party by anyone that might have known her.

 

That was silly and selfish, though, and she knew it. It was just easier to think about something frivolous than the actual possibility that she might have to drag Amethyst to the hospital against her wishes while she was drunk, especially if it meant the younger girl could get in trouble for it. Pearl didn’t actually know how many strikes, if any, it took to end up on academic probation for this kind of thing, or if Amethyst’s parents would be notified--she supposed it wasn’t right to keep them in the dark if their daughter was injured. 

 

For that matter, hadn’t one of Amethyst’s cousins been her ride to begin with?

 

The police were gone by the time Pearl made it to what she presumed must be Vidalia’s house, a double mobile home in a neighborhood with no sidewalks, and she caught herself wishing she had some pepper spray.

 

Either the altercation Amethyst had been involved in or the presence of both police and EMTs had more or less decimated the party’s numbers by the time Pearl arrived. A few people were arranging carpool options, and Pearl couldn’t help feeling somewhat relieved that there were some sober people here looking out for their friends, even if that was much less important than finding her roommate. 

 

She slipped inside uneasily, looking around for someone who wasn’t drunk, and was equal parts relieved and anxious that she didn’t really recognize anyone here. Pearl sent a cursory text to Garnet, informing her that she’d arrived, and then tried texting this Vidalia person.

 

Whatever she’d expected, it wasn’t a very pregnant girl in a leather jacket to lean out from the kitchen area and wave her phone at her. 

 

“I--you’re Vidalia?” Pearl wasn’t sure she was pronouncing the name right, but it didn’t seem to bother the blonde. “I’m Pearl--Amethyst’s roommate. Is she--”

 

“I’m right here, P,” Amethyst’s voice came from behind the wall, and Pearl peered around the corner at her to see the younger girl sitting on the floor with a pack of frozen peas pressed to her eye. “Don’t hit me or nothin’, okay?”

 

“I’m not going to--”

 

“Amethyst, I told you she wouldn’t hit you,” Vidalia said smugly, and Pearl couldn’t imagine how a girl she’d never met could be so confident in that assessment. “Not in my house.”

 

But that didn’t really matter. The lights in the kitchen weren’t very bright, and Pearl moved to crouch in front of Amethyst, reaching for her makeshift icepack. “I need to see if you need medical attention,” Pearl said firmly, and Amethyst didn’t put up much of a fight, letting Pearl wrestle the peas away from her face with less protest than usual. 

 

It looked bad. Pearl wasn’t sure how bad, or if it was doctor-worthy, but there was a long, raised goose egg where Pearl assumed she’d been struck, and parts of that were an ugly red and purple. 

 

“Ame-chan…”

 

Amethyst barely met her eyes, but she looked startled and vulnerable and more like a child than Pearl thought she’d ever seen. “Don’t make me go to the hospital, P,” Amethyst said pleadingly, and at least her voice wasn’t terribly slurred. She must not have been that drunk, this time.

 

“Amethyst, you could have a concussion--”

 

“No, I--look, I just… it’s fine,” her voice was small, “I hate hospitals, Pearl, and I don’t have good insurance. I can’t afford the hospital.”

 

Pearl stared for long moments. That hadn’t even occurred to her. It made more sense than her own concerns about Amethyst getting kicked out of school.

 

It was just… a foreign idea to Pearl. 

 

She chewed the inside of her cheek, then reached out, cupping Amethyst’s cheek in hand and drawing her gaze. “If you show any signs of a concussion  _ at all _ , Ame-chan, I’m taking you to the nurse in the morning,” she said firmly, “But for tonight, we’ll just go home and keep an eye on it. I’ll stay up with you.”

 

Tears were brimming in Amethyst’s eyes, wide and with most of her makeup already washed off, and she nodded numbly.

 

Pearl pulled her upright, and Amethyst wobbled a little, but that could have been the alcohol’s doing. To her surprise, Amethyst wound her arms around her midsection and pressed the unbruised side of her face into her friend’s chest.

 

“Thanks for gettin’ me,” she mumbled, “Even though I was a jerk.”

 

The admission surprised her. Pearl frowned a little and gave Amethyst’s shoulders a ginger squeeze. “Of course I’d come get you,” Pearl said, feeling color creep into her cheeks. “Amethyst, I should be--I shouldn’t have put down my phone. I should’ve been here sooner.”

 

* * *

 

A talk with Garnet was one of the last things on Earth Jasper wanted. But to further piss off the person closest to Pearl and one of her roommates was not a smart idea. So Jasper stepped aside to allow Garnet into her room.

 

"Talk about what?" She asked, spinning her desk chair around and taking a seat. Garnet chose to remain standing, giving some cursory glances around Jasper's now sparse but mostly-decorated room. 

 

"You know. Pearl is my best friend."

 

"You two seem closer than any friends I know," Jasper pointed out, almost accusatory. 

 

"We are," Garnet confirmed without hesitation. She knew the implications of her closeness with Pearl. She knew they were often mistaken for a couple, especially because most people's first assumption wasn't that they were sisters. "I love Pearl. I will always love her. She's a part of my family and I am a part of hers."

 

Jasper lifted an eyebrow. She wasn't exactly sure where this was going, but she was pretty sure. Interestingly enough, she'd never gotten the 'big brother' talk in the past. Guys got weird around lesbians, in her experience. Maybe she intimidated them more than they could her. Garnet was clearly not afraid.

 

"In the past, I wasn't there to help her when she needed me. But now? I won't let her get hurt. Listen to me very carefully."

 

Jasper hated being talked down to like this. Like she was stupid. Like she was lesser than. She frowned as Garnet spoke.

 

"As far as I'm concerned? You and me don't have an issue. Wipe the slate clean. But if you even think about messing with Pearl's feelings or playin’ games with her, you had better expect me to step in. 'Cause I won't tolerate it. Not even a little bit."

 

* * *

 

Amethyst bade goodbye to Vidalia in better spirits than when Pearl arrived, with apologies for stealing her frozen peas and assurances that she would see the nurse if she really needed it. They slipped out the side door, and Amethyst didn’t wobble as much as Pearl might have expected. Once in her car, Pearl sent Garnet a few texts as updates, adding that she would be picking up a first aid kit at a convenience store before they came home, and not to worry. Amethyst tipped her seat back more than Pearl would have liked, but she claimed that seeing headlights hurt her head, and Pearl didn’t doubt it. 

 

With anti-inflammatories and bandaids, and a break-in ice pack, and some snacks that Pearl mostly bought to prove that she really, truly wasn’t angry, the pair returned to the dorm.

 

“I’ll e-mail your professors for you, if you’d like,” Pearl offered, giving Amethyst the jacket she had been wearing as they left the car. It was one she’d borrowed from Garnet some years ago, and even if Amethyst hadn’t said it outright, it was clear that she wasn’t very warm in her party clothes, with an icepack on her face.

 

“Oh, shit… P, what about  _ your _ professors?”

 

Pearl blinked wide eyes at the question. “What about them?”

 

“Don’t you have midterms or somethin’?”

 

Oh.

 

Oh dear.

 

Pearl’s step faltered, but she pursed her lips and shook her head. “I’ll ask to retake whatever I miss,” she said dismissively, “I don’t really think I’ve missed enough class for my professors to complain. And it’s more important that I make certain you’re alright.”

 

Amethyst gripped the too-long sleeve of her borrowed jacket and said nothing. Pearl gently settled an arm around her shoulders, and the younger girl almost shrugged her off.

 

“Sorry I’m a bother.”

 

The apology was so quiet that Pearl almost didn’t hear it, murmured under Amethyst’s breath and muffled by the wind. The pink-haired girl’s brows furrowed, and she gave her friend a squeeze. “If you were really a bother, you wouldn’t be sorry,” she said gently, “I’m more worried than angry, Ame-chan.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pearl and Jasper exchange numbers, and Garnet and Jasper make some kind of progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google Docs ate all the formatting for the entire 270+ pages of log I am going to cry. Chapter might be shorter than usual, oops!

"So," Garnet said. "Do we understand each other?"

 

Jasper leaned back in her chair and tilted her chin upward, a power move to combat Garnet's attempt to command more space in her room. 

 

"You don't trust me," Jasper said. "I get it. I don't trust you."

 

"Not saying that," Garnet corrected her. Although, yes, she was saying that. "Just want it to be clear that Pearl's not gonna be your toy. As long as I'm around, I'm going to protect her. I want to get along with you, for her sake."

 

"But just for her sake," Jasper pointed out. "You're coming in here looking for a truce, not a friendship."

 

"I start friendships when people they prove they belong in my life."

 

"Jeez, do you ever stop talking like that?"

 

"Like what?" Garnet asked. That wasn't the answer she was expecting.

 

"Like you know everything!" Jasper said. "You can't get to know people if you don't make an effort to be on their level. Give them a chance."

 

"I'm leveling with you right now. I'm giving you your chance."

 

"No, you're not," Jasper said, nearly cutting her off. "You're already pinning me as the bad guy, and the second I do even one little thing to prove it to you, you're going to get your panties in a fuckin' twist."

 

"Sounds like you're the one assuming you know everything here," Garnet shot back coolly. Jasper scoffed.

 

"You come in here, acting all tough and mighty, assuming I would do something to hurt Pearl when that is the last thing I want to do. I like her. I don't want to. But if you want me to be cool with you? You're going to have to trust me. Otherwise, you can forget about it."

 

Garnet's lips flattened into a line. Jasper did have a point. She couldn't exactly expect the other woman to trust her if she was blatantly skeptical. She wouldn't back down, however. 

 

"Alright. Fine. Let's call it what it is," Garnet said. "I don't want any problems between you and me. And as far as I am concerned, the only thing that'll put you on my bad side right now is if you start playing with Pearl's heart. But since that's not your intention, we're good."

 

"Okay then," Jasper said, still not ready to put her faith in Garnet's words alone. But at least Garnet was smart enough not to accuse her again.

 

Garnet uncrossed her arms.

 

"We've got Netflix in the living room," she said next. "Want to watch something and wait for them to get in?"

 

Jasper saw it then. Just a hint of insecurity, the slightest, tiniest bit. Garnet was worried about Pearl being out at this time of night on her rescue mission.

 

"Yeah, sounds good," Jasper said, getting up and following Garnet to the couch, abandoning her previous plan of starting an assignment early. She probably would have just gotten distracted by something online anyway. But she had Garnet a little more figured out now. Maybe Garnet had a better understanding of her too. Trust might come in time.

 

On the couch was where the pair of them were when Pearl finally came home. Garnet had since relaxed, glad to have had Pearl updating her throughout the night via texts, which she'd then relayed to Jasper. They were on an episode of some ridiculous reality show involving a group of people wrestling freshwater crocodiles when the front door opened.

 

Luck alone had kept the pair from running into the RA, and Pearl was immeasurably relieved that they could get into their dorm without anyone stopping to ask about Amethyst’s injuries or complete lack of sobriety. Her coordination was dwindling rapidly, a combination of exhaustion and the loss of adrenalin, but Pearl was more than willing to help her along.

 

She wasn’t expecting to see Garnet and Jasper on the couch when they got in, but she was visibly relieved. Amethyst slipped off to put the barely-frozen peas away in their freezer, and Pearl sagged against the side of the couch. “Mission accomplished,” she said, “I’m going to make sure it’s okay… She’s not bleeding. Garnet, do you have a morning class tomorrow?”

 

Garnet put a hand on Pearl's thigh, giving her a friendly pat.

 

"Just my afternoons. I'm glad you didn't seem to run into any trouble while you were out."

 

Jasper picked up the remote and turned the volume down slightly.

 

"But Pearl," Garnet said, "you look exhausted. You need sleep before your exams tomorrow."

 

“I’d say Amethyst’s not allowed to go back there, but it was her friend’s house,” Pearl sighed, slipping her arms around Garnet’s shoulders for a lingering hug. “I was going to e-mail our professors about it. There’s no reasonable amount of makeup that’ll hide that shiner. And it’s… bad to sleep after a concussion, right?” This she wasn’t entirely sure on. She’d never had one. Multiple spills on the ice had miraculously not involved head trauma. “I was going to stay up with her.”

 

"Let me stay up with her, Pearl," Garnet said. "You've done enough for the night, and I know how much your academics mean to you. Maybe Amethyst will finally learn a lesson through all this and not put herself into these situations."

 

It was doubtful. But she didn't want Amethyst to get thrown out of school, and she definitely didn't want her to crack her head open.

 

"Come on. Bedtime."

 

“But…” Pearl started to protest, casting a worried look Amethyst’s way. She wasn’t sure she could sleep, but her own exhaustion was absolutely nearing the tipping point. Between dealing with Peridot, Lapis, the inordinate amount of crying she’d done, and coming out to Jasper first thing in the morning, Pearl really didn’t know if she had a full eight hours of emotional gas left in her. 

 

Amethyst met her gaze out of the corner of the eye that wasn’t blurry and red from her injury. “If I die on Garnet’s lap, it’s not a bad way to go,” she said, “It’s fine, P. If your GPA’s not perfect, what’ll I tease you about?”

 

She wasn’t totally wrong about that. 

 

“I’ll sleep in your room tomorrow night,” Amethyst added, “G’s right, you’ve got a reputation to maintain.”

 

Thoroughly outnumbered and exhausted already, Pearl managed a reluctant nod, using her elbow to push herself upright. “Wake me up if anything happens,” Pearl said, hardly bothering to hide her worry. 

 

"Yeah, I will," Garnet said, just to please her. It was an outright lie. She wouldn't wake Pearl unless the apartment started burning down. And in that case, she wouldn't worry about waking her, she'd just toss her over her shoulder and bolt outside. 

 

"Think I'll turn in too," Jasper said, getting up with Pearl. "It's been a long and weird day."

 

“It’s never boring in this apartment,” Pearl said wryly, ducking into the kitchen to give Amethyst a tighter hug than she really meant to, but Amethyst knew not to complain, and mumbled into Pearl’s shoulder that she was a bony nerd. Pearl swatted her lightly, but smoothed her bangs back to get one last worried look at her bruising, and told her goodnight. 

 

God, but she was tired. Pearl blinked blearily at her phone, half convinced that the clock must have been lying to her, and vaguely aware that she’d been on her feet for most of the last eighteen hours. 

 

“Oh--Jasper, before you sleep, I need your number,” Pearl said, and then, realizing that with the crisis out of the picture she was being forward, she quickly added; “If that’s okay. I… we should probably all have each other’s numbers at some point.”

 

Jasper smiled knowingly, offering her palm for Pearl's mobile.

 

"You don't have to explain yourself," she said, voice dipping low. "I want your number too, Pearl. And not purely for emergencies."

 

“You are far smoother than I’ll ever be,” Pearl said, unlocking her phone and passing it to Jasper without a second thought. There wasn’t much to hide, and Pearl was fairly certain that Jasper wouldn’t recognize the slough of non-English app games and photo editors on the second screen, anyway. “I would have asked earlier, if I could come up with an excuse.”

 

"It's alright. You've got it now," she replied, finishing plugging her number in under the simple title of 'Jasper' and nothing more. After all, how many Jaspers could Pearl possibly know?

 

"Just make sure you put it to good use," she said as she handed Pearl her phone back.

 

Jasper’s hands were bigger than hers, and Pearl was too tired to be coy or shy about whether their fingers brushed when she took her phone back. It didn’t take a second thought to edit Jasper’s contact information to add her to her favorites.

 

“Oh!” Pearl looked up at her, feeling color flooding her cheeks. “I need your picture, too. Er… if you’re okay with that. If you’d rather send me one from your phone, that’s fine.”

 

Jasper couldn't be sure if Pearl intended her flirting to be so adorable or if it just came completely naturally without her even thinking about it. She was leaning toward the latter.

 

"I'll send you one," Jasper said, brushing past her on her way to her room. "Or a couple, if you really like the first," she added with a wink.

 

Pearl silently thanked every god she’d ever heard of that Jasper didn’t think that was weird. Actually, Jasper’s reaction was more positive than she could have hoped. The wink sealed her doom, though, and she knew it as she followed after Jasper toward her own room.

 

“I’d like that,” Pearl admitted, not really thinking about it--for that matter, she hadn’t really thought about what kind of photos Jasper might send, and the possibility that those pictures might need cropping occurred to her as she reached her door. 

 

She shouldn’t be thinking about that already!

 

But then, Jasper certainly wasn’t ashamed of her body. And had nothing to be ashamed of, either. And had barely bothered wearing anything during her workout.

 

Pearl knew her face was burning red when she looked back at Jasper, but she smiled lopsidedly, trying hard to summon her thoughts over the sound of her heart thundering in her ears. “I’ll text you after I’m settled. Good night, Jasper.”

 

"G'night, Pearl," she drawled, slipping into her room. She grabbed a brush quickly and started pulling it through her hair, despite the fact that she was pretty tired. She wanted to get a decent photo of herself tonight, something to leave Pearl with an especially good impression before she fell asleep.

 

She pulled her mane into a ponytail and checked her face in the mirror. Plain. At least her face was clear, but her lips lacked their usual color and her eyes were missing their black wings. She picked a clear gloss and spread it on thinly, just to give a little more focus on them. If she put in too much effort, Pearl would know. She had just seen her. So this would have to do.

 

Jasper tugged her shirt down slightly, letting more of her cleavage peek out of the v-shaped neck, and gave a look to the camera somewhere between casual and sultry. No need to over do it just yet. With any luck, there'd be plenty of future opportunities to surprise Pearl with even better pictures.

 

For her part, Pearl was thinking along the same lines. She wasn’t even sure if Jasper had the type of phone where it made any sense to assign photos to your contacts--and she was privately thankful that she had finally upgraded from her old phone before heading off to college, because as much as she liked having a full profile of likes, dislikes, food preferences, blood types, and other personal information available, it just wasn’t normal by American standards. 

 

She still wondered a little about it, though. 

 

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to send a picture that no one else had seen yet. And that absolved her of having to figure out an opening text. 

 

Her purikura app could probably hide how tired she looked.

 

Brushing her hair before bed took only moments, and Pearl realized too late that she needed to change into her pajamas… all of which were things she wasn’t sure she could send a decent picture of, considering they were almost all camisoles of some kind. She dug through her drawers in search of something appropriate and finally settled on a gauzy affair that Jasper didn’t need to know barely reached her thighs. The more important thing, for now, was that it covered most of her sternum, even if the camelia embroidery was a little old-fashioned. 

 

She had to brush her hair again, and caught herself rearranging her bed a second time before it occurred to her that she shouldn’t keep Jasper waiting.

 

The pink fairy lights around her headboard helped a little. Pearl wasn’t daring enough to even try being sexy at this hour, but she could try another time. She snapped a few pictures and did what amounted to the least satisfactory editing job she’d ever attempted with her phone; a low level blur and one of the not-quite-seasonal victorian frames, with lace, to hide her desk in the background. 

 

In a fit of daring, she added a glowing heart in the corner before she sent it.

 

Jasper's phone buzzed and she excitedly opened the image from the unrecognized number. She wasn't disappointed in the slightest. She fell back onto her bed with a goofy grin on her face as she looked at the picture of Pearl. Too cute. Way too cute. She'd even decorated it. Not Jasper's style, but it was extremely fitting for Pearl. She briefly wondered if everyone got a heart on theirs, though.   


  
She made sure to add the contact, choosing 'Pearl' as the name. She wasn't sure how to spell her last name; she'd have to ask her another time. It hardly seemed to matter now, since she had a reply to give.

  
_ I'm so damn lucky I got stuck with such an adorable roommate   
_

  
Jasper sent back, still grinning. Before Pearl could reply, she sent; _Here you go_ , and the picture of herself.

 

Pearl was occupied with embarrassment, between worrying about her photo choice and Jasper’s initial response. She was the lucky one, but she couldn’t defend that statement. And before she could gather her wits about her, she had another text incoming, and--

 

_ Oh. _

 

Oh God, Jasper was beautiful, even in bad lighting and without filters. 

 

She wasn’t sure how to say that either.

 

_ You don’t mind if I use that one? _

 

Not smooth.

 

Jasper excitedly watched as the dots appeared signaling Pearl was typing. 

 

And her smile dropped when she read the text.

 

She double checked the photo she sent. It looked good. Okay, it wasn't perfect, but she thought it was decent. She had sent it for the express purpose of Pearl using it. But... comparing it to the cutesy thing Pearl had sent, she guessed it didn't live up to her expectations. Pearl had even changed into something. 

 

_Sorry it was rushed_ , she replied.

 

_ Don’t be sorry! _

 

That was easy enough to send, and Pearl swallowed hard, trying to think of how to mix honesty with tact.

 

She knew perfectly well that she was too tired for that.

 

_ It was really pretty. You are. I just wanted to make sure. _

 

Oh.

 

Well, that was different. Jasper laughed to herself and flicked off the light, rolling onto her side.

 

_ Yeah go for it cutie _

 

Pearl wasn’t sure she had read that right. She stared for several seconds, then caught herself giggling, felt a familiar bubbling giddiness rising in her chest that she hadn’t experienced in longer than she cared to think about.

 

_I’m still amazed you find me cute,_ Pearl sent daringly, _I’m definitely still in some kind of shock. You’re not just teasing, are you?_

 

_ Definitely not teasing _

 

Jasper sent it quickly, hoping to dissuade Pearl's insecurity before it grew. And also because it was true. With a bit of a wicked smile, she sent another just after.

 

_ You'll know when I'm teasing you ;) _

 

Pearl nearly dropped her phone in surprise, felt her entire face flush as her heart pounded in her ears. Oh God, oh God, she didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. 

 

Garnet’s words from earlier rang in her mind, about wanting the same things, being on the same page. Pearl frowned a little, because she dreaded asking, and she dreaded getting her hopes up. 

 

_ Can I ask you something serious? _

 

Jasper was a little surprised by the question. She glanced at the time at the top of her phone, knowing Pearl had to get sleep soon and wondering just how much of a real conversation she would get into right now. She didn't want to keep the girl up much longer for her sake, but she wouldn't ignore her either. Even if a serious question worried her just slightly.

 

_ Sure, shoot _

 

Pearl worried her lip, unsure if she should even ask. But she’d already put it out there, that she was wondering, and it wasn’t like the wondering was going anywhere. 

 

_ Where do you want this to go? _

 

She immediately regretted sending it, and typed in a rush;

 

_ You said you weren’t looking to date. That’s fine. I can respect that. It’s totally okay, but I just _

_ I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that’s never been on the table. _

 

That was a fair question, and definitely not the most uncomfortable thing Pearl could have asked. She respected her asking it, actually. Girls could be so wishy washy at times-- it was nice to see Pearl standing up for herself.

 

She took her time typing out an answer to send.

 

_ well, I think I said that because I was only thinking about Lapis. You know, I was _

 

She paused. _Was_? She didn't want to sound pathetic, but she also didn't want to lie. She tapped the back button.

 

_ I’m still hung up on her. I’m crazy right? But we were together for a long time and idk. I don’t really want to rush into anything like I did with her _

 

She sighed to herself. She hoped Pearl didn't mind reading a damn book.

 

_ But at the same time if I met the right girl and we really hit it off I’m not like opposed to dating. I think I’d really like it _

 

She hit send without re-reading the message. Maybe a bad idea. She groaned unhappily into her pillow. 

 

She'd ' _really like it_ '? Was she in fourth grade? God. Did she even answer Pearl's question?

 

_ Me too. _

 

Pearl felt confident in sending that immediately. She felt less confident explaining herself, in bringing up Rose, but there was no way she couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to Jasper to keep her in the dark.

 

_ I don’t know if I’m over Rose. I know I’m not. I don’t want to put you through that baggage, as friends or otherwise. But I don’t want _

 

She didn’t mean to hit send yet, and cursed herself for hitting enter. She was too tired for this. She should’ve been having this conversation at a reasonable hour, like a normal person.

 

_ I don’t want us both to be on different pages in different books. And I’m bad at communication. Everything gets jumbled up in my head.  _

 

_ But I like you so far. And I know that.  _

 

_ And it doesn’t mean anything needs to happen. I mean, there’s no rush. We’re rooming together the rest of the year. There’s plenty of time. _

 

Jasper breathed with relief reading Pearl's words. 

 

_ Doesn't seem like you're bad at communication. We're talking now aren't we? _

 

Her eyes were feeling heavy, but otherwise she felt pretty good about this.

 

_ And don't worry about baggage or whatever. We've all got it. But the more I get to know you, the less I feel like I'm carrying _

 

She'd cried for so many hours over Lapis. She'd tried to think of ways to get her back, tried to talk to her. And now she couldn't see why. There were so many better options out there, and one of the sweetest girls she'd ever met was wall away from her.

 

_ But for the record, I definitely want this to go somewhere _

 

Pearl’s breath caught in her throat at those texts. They were on the same page. At least a little bit. They were communicating. And Jasper wasn’t totally wrong that this was leaps and bounds ahead of her usual ability to be direct.

 

_ I told you I’m better over text. _

 

Pearl was half teasing there. But she smiled, putting the phone aside just briefly to turn off her fairy lights before they overheated. They were the cheap kind from Taobao and the last thing she needed was to burn the dorm down.

 

The light from her phone was enough to get situated otherwise, and she stared at the screen a little blearily. 

 

_ I do too. I mean, I… think it would be good. For both of us. To take it slow with someone.  _

 

_ I’m probably going to say a lot of incredibly embarrassing, stupid things, because I have absolutely no idea how to behave around pretty girls, and I’m sorry in advance for when Amethyst figures it out, because she will.  _

 

Overall, Jasper liked where this was going. In truth, she didn't want to be alone. She liked having someone at her side, someone to make happy, to spend time with, to curl up with. She did wonder about Pearl's definition of 'slow' and how different it may be from what she saw it as. But that was for another time. She was getting especially groggy. Still, the 'pretty girls' comment made her deliriously happy.

 

_ I hope so. I don't intend to be shy about how much I like you _

 

Okay, maybe she ought to add a precaution.

 

_ And if I'm being too much or whatever, let me know, seriously . I won't bite lol _

 

Jasper was a massive flirt with a big sexual appetite and a total hot head-- this she could admit. But she wasn't a complete asshole.

 

Pearl could barely believe she was having a conversation like this at all. She curled into her blankets, wondering briefly how they would make this work. Jasper wasn’t closeted like she was. And people would probably assume… 

 

Well, what did it matter?

 

Pearl started to type something, but she nearly dropped her phone onto her face, and deleted it instead. That was a worry for another time. Right now it was enough that Jasper liked her and wasn’t ashamed of it. 

 

_ I’m going to fall asleep on you _

 

Pearl sent that without really thinking, and the implications would probably catch up in the morning.

 

_ I’m really happy that you want me to let you know. I don’t want to just do things one of us wants. So me too… tell me if I’m making you unhappy _

 

Jasper wasn't far behind on the whole falling asleep thing. She had to open her eyes when her phone buzzed and give her reply before she completely went.

 

_ I hardly think you have to worry about that, Pearl. _

 

And then, 

 

_ Goodnight. Sleep well _

 

Pearl was someone who always worried, often without reason, but the assurance from Jasper was nice. She almost fell asleep without responding first, and when she did, she barely had the presence of mind to put the keyboard back into English when her finger slipped.

 

_ Sweet dreams _


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Pearl continue to be twitterpated, and Jasper discovers an unexpected weakness where Pearl's legs are concerned.

Jasper fell asleep with no trouble, passing out with a smile on her face. The next morning, she was up bright and early, headed to the gym before the sun was up on campus. She figured that was not only a great way to start out the day, but an even better way to avoid Lapis who never bothered to wake up before noon. 

 

It was refreshing. Things were looking up, finally. A cute girl was really into her, she was totally hitting her weight goal, her classes were… decent. It felt awesome. In between doing leg presses and starting on her lateral pull downs, she shot a text to Pearl.

 

_ Just wanted to say morning cutie. Good luck on your midterms today _

 

It was nothing short of a miracle that Pearl woke up in time for her morning class. She slept soundly through her first two alarms, and Garnet ultimately rescued her from sleeping through her midterm. 

 

She barely got to eat a slice of toast on her way out, but it was better than nothing, and Amethyst’s bruising looked a little less awful now. She still took her professor aside and explained that she might do poorly, and apologized, and the woman agreed to keep that in mind while grading. 

 

Pearl opted not to mention that Amethyst hadn’t been seen by a doctor. 

 

The test was manageable, but predictably unpleasant. Most of Pearl’s distraction came from tiredness and being a little sad that she had missed seeing Jasper in the morning. Still, she only had two classes on Friday.

 

When she did check her texts, she couldn’t help smiling. She considered and deleted a short diatribe about her midterm, because surely Jasper wasn’t interested in that.

 

_ I wore tights and you missed it! XP _

 

That seemed more like something Jasper would like.

 

Jasper was eating a full breakfast in the cafeteria when she got Pearl's reply. She smiled to herself, earning a look from Bismuth, who was across the table shoveling eggs into her mouth.

 

"Who’s got you smiling like that?" She asked, happily curious and still chewing.

 

"No one," Jasper said. The lilt to her voice told all; It most definitely was _someone_.

 

"Bullshiiit," Bismuth said, suddenly leaning up and over the table, trying to see. Jasper barked out a laugh and mashed a hand against Bismuth's face to push her back.

 

"Stop spitting all over my food!" She shouted playfully.

 

"I ain't!" Bismuth replied. "Come on, who is it, JB?!"

 

"I'm not telling, so you can quit asking," she said, tapping out a quick reply. 

 

_ Damn! I really missed out lol. But I'll see you later? _

 

Bismuth scoffed.

 

"I'll get it out of you eventually. It's good to see you looking like that, though." She scooped more eggs in, talking around them. "She hot, at least?"

 

"Yeah," Jasper said. "That and more."

 

Bismuth whistled. 

 

"My girl."

 

_May not be in tights by the time we’re both at the dorm._ Pearl sent with a rueful grin. _I almost slept through the midterm. When do you think you’ll be in?_

 

And then, a little more daringly, she sent a heart.

 

_ Just have practice today, then I'm free _

 

She sent, adding a little smiley face to the end to match the one she was wearing in real life. Bismuth shook her head.

 

"Whoever it is, she's got you hooked already, huh?"

 

"Shut up," Jasper said, with zero force behind it.

 

_ Will I see you when I get in? _

 

_ I might be asleep, but you can wake me up when you get in. I don’t want to sleep all day. _

 

Pearl considered whether that was appropriate, but at the same time, it wasn’t as if she didn’t trust Jasper.

 

_ Plus I’m having a sleepover with Amethyst tonight. If I sleep off all my free time, I’ll have to actually pull an all-nighter. _

 

_ haha you got it _

 

She probably would have lingered more on the thought of having to wake Pearl up, or on the idea of having her own sleepover with Pearl, if Bismuth didn't start to get up from her seat.

 

"Come on, let's get going. I've got to ask coach something."

 

Jasper grunted in response, tucking her phone into her bag without another word to Pearl and heading off to practice.

 

Pearl’s prediction wasn’t far off; she made it back to the dorm before Garnet had to leave for her own class, and at some point her best friend had done the necessary research to confirm that it was, in fact, safe for Amethyst to sleep now. Consequently, the younger girl was already asleep when she arrived, and that meant Pearl could get some rest of her own. 

 

She really needed to do laundry, but that could wait another day. It wasn’t as if there were time to do anything about it now. She could settle for wearing her pajama shorts and matching tee, even if they didn’t cover much. The cherry print was cute, if nothing else.

 

She looked down at her legs and was relieved, at least, that she wasn’t bruised up like she would have been during ballet season. 

 

_ Don’t let me sleep too long. My door’s unlocked. _

 

She wasn’t totally sure that was a good message to send. But it was already done, and she could roll herself up in her fuzzy blanket and press her face into her stuffed alpaca.

 

Almost two hours later, Jasper trudged up the stairs to their dorm, thoroughly worn from the day's drills and combat. The first thing she did when she got in was dump her bag onto the floor and sink into her desk chair to kick her sneakers off. She was so thankful for the weekend; coach had been in a terrible mood today and to have a break from her was very welcome.

 

She fished her phone from her bag and finally saw Pearl's text. Oh, right, she was supposed to wake her. It wasn't her job, but she guessed it wasn't a problem either. 

 

Jasper went to the door next to her own and pressed her ear against it. She couldn't hear anything, so it was a safe bet she was still asleep.

 

"Pearl?" She asked quietly, trying the door. It opened for her, and she stepped into the room, catching sight of the girl still asleep. It would have been so easy just to shout her awake.

 

If Jasper could find her voice at all.

 

She froze there for what might have been ages or just a few long seconds. Jasper wasn't counting. Her eyes were stuck on the sight of Pearl's smooth, long legs peeking out from where the blanket must have shifted in her sleep. Jasper may have proclaimed herself a boob-lover before, but that was just to get her point across. She certainly appreciated all aspects of the female form, and legs were no exception. Pearl's were incredible, lovely enough even to prevent any disappointment that her rear end was thoroughly covered by the blanket she was curled up with. Her shirt had ridden up too, and Jasper felt heat growing under her skin at the sight of Pearl's exposed stomach. Shit, Bismuth was so right. Pearl had her hooked and this only drew her in more.

 

But how could she wake someone so cute and peaceful?!

 

Nope. Nope, nope, she couldn't do this. Not when her eyes settled on Pearl's sleeping face. Her lips just slightly parted, her long eyelashes kissing her cheeks, her pinkish hair out of place. She thought for sure Pearl would have woken by now, forced from her sleep by the sound of the beating coming from Jasper's heart, but she realized only she could hear the deafening pounding in her ears and feel it in her tightening chest. Before she could even comprehend what she was doing, Jasper was backing away, sneaking out of Pearl's room and escaping to her own, finding her chair once more and burying her burning face in her hands.

 

How in the world could one tiny girl make her feel so much so fast?

 

With a deep breath and a shake of her head, Jasper powered up her laptop. Maybe Pearl would just wake on her own. A few more minutes wouldn't kill her. No, it would do her good, Jasper argued.

 

She tapped her foot, waiting for her laptop to boot up. She could go back in. What would she do, though? The minutes ticked by and she became increasingly frustrated with both herself and her computer. It was still loading, providing her absolutely no help in distracting her from the completely pointless dilemma she found herself in. And thus, she exploded.

 

"Augh!! Come on!" She shouted, slamming a fist against the desk and rattling everything on it.

 

That was enough to wake her; Pearl was no stranger to shouting, even if she was less accustomed to waking up to the sound of it. She sat upright, rubbing bleary eyes. “Muh…?” she murmured, reaching for her phone to check the time.

 

_ Two hours?! _

 

Surely Jasper was back by now, but she didn’t have any missed texts. Pearl frowned and pushed her blankets aside, absently folding the one she had been wrapped in. She slipped out and peered into the other girl’s room uncertainly.

 

“You alive?”

 

Jasper wasn't typically easily startled. But Pearl appearing did make her get up again rather quickly, brushing a hand through her bangs and clearing her throat. She wasn't sure she was prepared to see Pearl in that little set of cherry-covered sleepwear again but she answered,

 

"Yeah, you can come in."

 

At least her words came out smoothly enough.

 

Pearl smiled and slipped inside without a second thought, absently finger-combing her hair. “I heard the distressed call of a non-techie having computer troubles,” she said wryly, gesturing toward Jasper’s computer. She was still tired enough that it was easy, somehow, not to think of her silly pajamas. 

 

"Is that the secret to waking you up?" Jasper asked jokingly. "I was trying to get you up before but you were totally out, I guess," she said to save face. How hard she'd actually 'tried' didn't need to be elaborated on in her opinion. 

 

"But yeah, this thing sucks. It was awesome when I first got it, but now it takes forever to do anything."

 

To demonstrate, Jasper hit the icon to bring up the Internet. It took its sweet time even opening the window, let alone loading the browser. Jasper fixed her eyes on the computer screen during that time and off of Pearl.

 

Curiosity had Pearl leaning over her shoulder, crossing her arms over the back of Jasper’s chair for support. “Amethyst usually jumps on me, but she’s smaller than you,” she teased, peering at the screen. She pursed her lips in a light frown. “Jasper, did Peridot even once put anything on your computer to prevent malware or popups?”

 

Jasper supposed jumping on top of her would be an effective way of waking her up, but not a very appropriate one. Thank God Pearl switched topics. Jasper didn't think she'd be able to play it cool if she started thinking about climbing into bed with Pearl.

 

"Peridot?" Jasper scoffed. "All she did was make fun of me for it and say I should upgrade my specs or whatever. She'd go on and on about how great her own stuff was."

 

“Too bad for her. I was almost considering helping her get her laptop back,” Pearl murmured, frowning deeply. The computer itself was woefully outdated, and Pearl wasn’t sure from a glance at the casing if compatible hardware was even readily available. “But it looks like I’ll be fixing your computer up this weekend instead.” 

 

Belatedly, she realized that was overstepping her bounds, and she chewed her cheek nervously. “...But only if you’re okay with that.”

 

"Seriously?" Jasper turned her head to look at her incredulously. "You'd do that? Man, that would be awesome."

 

Having a functional computer again. Actually being able to get things done and not having to curse at the thing to get it to work. It sounded too good to be true.

 

"For how much?"

 

That surprised her, and Pearl blinked, wide-eyed. She knew it was a question that wasn’t unreasonable, but... 

 

“Why would I charge you?” She asked, genuinely confused. “I mean... I don’t think you’re going to let me gut it with upgraded parts. Unless the fan is dying.” She paused, looking askance. “I know I’m a rich brat, but even I know it would be weird if I bought you an entirely new computer, just like that. Even if there are sales coming up...”

 

"I don't know. I guess I just figured you wouldn't want to do it without getting something in return. But you're not a brat, Pearl. You're pretty far from it, actually."

 

She wouldn't like receiving a hand-out from someone she was just getting to know. That just felt wrong. But if the tech geek wanted to play around with her better-used-as-a-paperweight computer then that was fine.

 

"If you're for real about looking in there and checking it out though, that would be amazing."

 

And then a thought occurred to her.

 

"Uh. Let me just. Real quick."

 

Jasper felt heat rising to her cheeks as she went to clear the browser history. Thank God the only things visible in the recent list were searches and links for her history paper. But she'd feel better knowing Pearl wouldn't see everything she'd been up to.

 

“I mean… it isn’t like I’m going into computers because it’s good money. It is, but my parents picked the major because I do like doing the work,” she admitted, relieved beyond measure that she had at least absolved herself of that title. “I like how they work, and I like making them work better. And it’s not like I wouldn’t get something out of that; I’m kind of out of computers to upgrade.”

 

That much was half-way true. Amethyst’s computer wasn’t a lost cause so much as she refused to actually run anything that could possibly protect it. She had already rescued it once this semester.

 

Pearl paused, then settled a hand on Jasper’s shoulder a little uncertainly. She smiled, but her nerves were probably apparent; she was more awake now, and less in her element. “Besides, I get to spend time with you, and if I can save this thing, you’ll have an easier time with your schoolwork. I’d do it for any of my friends. I just… get a little more out of it, because I like you.”

 

Jasper smiled at that--both Pearl's comment and the feeling of her hand on her shoulder.

 

"At least let me buy you dinner tonight, then? To make us even?" She asked, looking into her eyes. "Because I happen to like you a lot too, and I'll have you know that I'm not all take and no give."

 

“You’re trying to get me back into tights and a skirt,” Pearl teased, feeling her cheeks flush. Still, she couldn’t say no to that--actually, as far as her difficulty saying no went, there were far worse things. Staring into Jasper’s eyes was easier without the elephant in the room to worry over, but it made her heart pound. “But ah… I’d like it. I barely had breakfast. And I know I’ll die if Amethyst tries to stuff me with popcorn.”

 

"You can wear whatever you want, I'm not too particular," Jasper said. Her wardrobe was fairly limited to sportswear, casual outfits, and a few dressy things for special occasions. She liked dressing up, but it just wasn't worth it most days. 

 

"You can keep wearing that little thing you've got on now, if you want, but you'll attract a whole lot of staring."

 

“I will absolutely die,” Pearl laughed, shaking her head. “The last thing I need is people realizing I’ve got skin outside this dorm room. I’ll change.”

 

It probably would be tights and a skirt, though, with how limited her remaining laundry was. She stretched absently, raising her arms over her head and leaning back almost dangerously in an attempt to get the stiffness out of the shoulder she’d slept on. Her shirt crept up a little, but she was awake to notice it this time, and she tugged it back over her stomach.

 

“Where do you want to eat?” she asked, which was far easier than asking if this was a date-date or if it was the convenient sort of not-really-date that she probably didn’t need to actually dress up for. 

 

Jasper's eyes had caught the rising of Pearl's shirt again, and she was momentarily distracted. She was having a hard time not staring at Pearl, and the thought occurred to her that she definitely wouldn't mind Pearl showing more of herself like this. At this proximity she could smell the sweet strawberry scent of her, too, feel the subtle heat of her lithe body against her back. It made it difficult to think about local restaurants or food. 

 

"Uhh," she pried her eyes away. "How about that American place?" She asked. "The one up by the park?"

 

That was a good compromise in Jasper's mind. Off campus and fancy enough to have cloth napkins but still well within her budget and serving up food with names she could pronounce without any issue.

 

Pearl’s eyes lit up; that definitely qualified as a date, and she smiled brightly. “Ah! I think I’ve seen that place,” she affirmed. She wasn’t sure if she could eat much from the menu, but she wasn’t doomed like she would have been with Indian food.

 

“I can change whenever,” she said, “Unless you want me to start defragging your hard drive first. It might take a while.”

 

Jasper almost chuckled at Pearl's eagerness, but refrained in case Pearl misconstrued it. She got up from her chair, offering it to Pearl.

 

"Do your thing," she said. "I don't even think they're open yet. But it'll make for a good first date tonight."

 

Pearl wasn’t nearly smooth enough to conceal her excitement, and she gave Jasper a quick hug before taking her place in the chair. “I’ve never been on a proper date,” she admitted, fidgeting a little with her ring before turning her attention to the screen. 

 

Oh God, Jasper’s browser was out of date and littered with add-ons.

 

Jasper thought that was a little sad. Pearl was gorgeous, and yet she'd never been on a date before? Not even with a guy? She guessed she wasn't interested in going out with a guy under false pretenses. Suddenly this impromptu dinner date seemed to have more weight. Pearl didn't have anything to compare it to, but she would probably weigh every future one against it.

 

"Well," she said coolly, leaning against her bed frame, "I'll do my best to make it good for you."

 

“I can’t imagine how you’d make it bad,” Pearl said absently, opening the task manager and scrolling through to see what she needed to exit out of before she could even think of defragging anything. There were dozens of programs running in the background, and she leaned forward with a frown. 

 

This might be a bigger job than she anticipated.

 

And might require more than a few hours, to boot. 

 

“Rose and I tried to go on a date to see one of the Harry Potter movies, but my excuses didn’t line up, and my parents were suspicious--and rightly so!--but it kind of ruined the experience. I kept expecting Yvette to pop out of the ground.”

 

"Yeah, I tried the whole sneaking around thing once. It sucked. Being able to just go out not have to worry about that kind of thing is just so much better."

 

And then Jasper wondered if Pearl being gay wasn't the only factor at play in that specific scenario.

 

"Are your parents the kind that won't let you see those movies because they promote Satanism or something?"

 

“Oh! No, not at all,” Pearl almost laughed at the idea, shaking her head. She peeked over her shoulder to smile back at Jasper. “Mother used to be very religious, and she’s involved with the church, but papa doesn’t believe in that kind of thing. He’s superstitious, but I don’t think anyone in his hometown is Christian at all. He thinks American horror is all very funny, so he was excited about us getting into the Harry Potter books, but it wasn’t dark enough for him.”

 

"That's a new one. Usually it's the uber-religious parents that have the issues with their daughters hanging around with lesbians."

 

She was quickly onto the next thought in her head.

 

"You know what I always liked about Harry Potter? The capes. Those are the kind of uniforms I wouldn't mind wearing."

 

“You’d certainly look imposing in one,” Pearl giggled, tucking her hair behind her ear before looking back at the screen again. She sobered a little as she exited the task manager, instead bringing up a folder to look at hardware specs. 

 

She knew she couldn’t just buy Jasper a new computer outright, but the hard drive was absurdly small, and Pearl couldn’t remember using a machine with less than 4GB of RAM built in. The fans were audibly overworked, despite her best efforts to reduce the amount of programs running at once. 

 

“My parents aren’t really the problem,” she admitted, “I think it would be safe to tell mother. She jokes about Garnet all the time. I don’t really think it’s appropriate, but she doesn’t… really know it’s rude, I don’t think. I think she’s gotten over the idea that Garnet’s mothers will convert all of us. I don’t know about papa. I think he was just happy not worrying about one of us. Belle had a boyfriend through high school, and Yvette had dozens. I think he liked thinking one of us wasn’t sneaking off.”

 

But she had been. The bus that would have taken her to the library stopped near Rose’s school further down the route, and taking the same line home wasn’t suspicious.

 

Jasper considered this information. Pearl wasn't on bad terms with her parents, she didn't even think they would be monumentally upset with her. So what was it then?

 

"I think it can be hard..." she started, trying to choose her words more carefully than she normally did. "You know, being young, and not being like other girls. It kind of makes you feel like there's something wrong with you when there isn't."

 

Pearl froze in her seat at that. The extra consideration in Jasper’s tone didn’t go unnoticed. She said nothing for a moment, then right clicked on the C drive to start the defragmentation process. 

 

And from there, all she could do was let it run. 

 

“One of my cousins, Suho, was disowned by the family, when I was little,” Pearl said, hoping she could keep her voice steady. “We were too young, and I never found out why. I just remember my aunts yelling about it when we asked the next time we visited, and great-grandmother telling them not to speak to us that way. But they were very clear about it. Even if mother’s married to papa, we’re not really Kurosakis, and my papa and sisters and I aren’t wanted there. Great-grandmother is the one who wants us to keep coming to Japan. And mother’s family stopped speaking to her when she came to America and met my biological father. She doesn’t really talk about them, but I know she and papa want his family to like us. And homosexuality is a bigger deal in Japan, I think.

 

“Not that it isn’t here--just… the town I grew up in, the children were awful about it. I was getting teased and picked on for being gay before I knew what it was. If they could tell before I could, what if my family back in Japan knew, too? And what if… you know, what if that were the last straw for me? Suho was blood, at least. I don’t even have that going for me.”

 

"Look, I might sound insensitive here, but is that really your biggest worry? Like you said, you only visit over there. You still have your close family with you."

 

That was probably the part of the situation Jasper could relate the least to. Pearl seemed to have more family than she knew what to do with. That, and the bullying. Jasper had been quick to get on the other side of that issue when she was growing up.

 

"It just doesn't seem right to beat yourself up over something you can't control."

 

Pearl frowned a little at that, because Jasper did have a point, even if she was definitely being blunt about it. She scrubbed her eyes. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s stupid,” she murmured, tipping her chin downward. “I don’t want to prove people right about being different. I don’t want to validate any of them, anything they’ve ever said, anything they’ve ever done. It only matters as long as great-grandmother is alive.”

 

Jasper frowned. She hadn't wanted to make Pearl upset, but this was also raising a red flag. Pearl was holding on to a lot of self doubt and dislike for her sexuality. Some uneasiness was completely understandable, expected even. Jasper still had uncomfortable moments, trying to judge another's reaction and sometimes disappointed by how unaccepting the world could be. Still, how would she act on a date? Would she try to insist to the waiter that they were just friends? Would she shy away from holding hands? 

 

"Being yourself, being happy doesn't validate anyone else. It empowers you Pearl."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumbling attempts at flirting preface Jasper and Pearl's first date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life kicked me in the face and I lost most of the formatting for this, sorry for the insane delay!

For several moments, Pearl couldn’t find it in her to respond. It took everything she had not to break down crying, because in that moment, Jasper sounded like Garnet--and a bit like her great-grandmother.

 

“I don’t want to give the people who hurt me the satisfaction that I deserved what I got,” Pearl’s voice was small, and she wrapped her arms around her midsection, curling inward. “I’m not saying you’re wrong. You were right yesterday about… about boxes. But I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in, in two totally different boxes, Jasper. One third of the year in one box, the rest in another. And I don’t… I squeezed in and wrapped myself up in a bunch of nonsense and lies, and I don’t let anyone look in. What if the thing in the box isn’t good enough? It didn’t even occur to me until I started college that I could find out who I was under all that. I didn’t even have words for it until yesterday.”

 

Jasper stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Pearl.

 

"It's… it's okay, Pearl," she said, hoping Pearl wouldn't cry again. Garnet would no doubt sense it, burst in, and have something to say.

 

"You don't have to figure it out all at once. I'm lucky, I had a whole puberty and older friends and people who helped me through this. I can't imagine trying to go through it almost alone and without ever going on a real date."

 

She felt a pain in her chest at how quickly Pearl curled in on herself.

 

"From what I've seen of you already, I really like your box," she said.

 

She couldn’t imagine. Pearl really and truly couldn’t imagine what it was like, and she knew full well that Jasper didn’t need her crying about that, too. Still, Pearl reached up to give her hand a squeeze, then turned a little in the chair to slip her arms around the older girl’s shoulders.

 

“And I like yours,” she managed around the knot in her throat, “I’m sorry, I keep just--breaking down over and over, and that’s not fair to you, and I wish I did have it figured out. I’m almost twenty, for God’s sake! I…” Pearl blinked rapidly against her tears, then shook her head. “I can’t even promise I’m not always like this, I’ve been a mess since Rose, and this is an improvement, but I don’t know… I might just be like this, this clingy, crying, sad little thing, and I don’t want to be, but I also don’t want to lie.”

 

"Nah, come on," she said, hoping the slight uneasiness she felt didn't show in her voice. "We just express our feelings in different ways. I punch things. You cry."

 

Jasper had never been able to cry around others. She buried it deep, did everything she could to prevent it. It was only until she was taught that it wasn't a weakness that she let herself give in when she needed it. Working it out physically still seemed to be her preferred choice.

 

"I'm not going to let anyone feel like crap about being gay."

 

Pearl nodded faintly, but it was hard to miss the unease from Jasper. She withdrew reluctantly, wiping her eyes. “I do an awful lot of crying,” Pearl agreed, managing a smile that she knew wasn’t quite up to snuff. “And I’m really grateful, just… it’s nice. Hearing that from someone who’s like me. I’m sure if I weren’t a complete idiot I could’ve told Garnet’s parents years ago and sorted my way through that, but… here I am.”

 

Here she was, crying in Jasper’s room and making her uncomfortable before their date. She felt terrible for doing it. She didn’t even know that she could blame how little sleep she’d gotten the night before. 

 

“But I’m glad, I… it’s silly,” she knew it wasn’t, but a little bubble wrap might make her sound less strange. “I’m glad I got to meet someone like you.”

 

"Talking to them is probably a lot different than talking to someone your own age," she said, as a bit of consolation. Then, an idea occurred to her.

 

"You know. I'm not the only lesbian on campus. You could hang out with some of us, if you wanted."

 

Though this did run the risk that Pearl would get hit on. A lot. Still, she could ask Bismuth and the others to cool it down for Pearl's sake (and perhaps a little bit for her own).

 

“Leading in with ‘I realized I liked girls because of your daughter’ was my biggest worry,” Pearl admitted, but the proposition gave her pause. She’d never really thought of it. She knew there was some sort of sorority somewhere that other lesbians attended, but she had never been bold enough to do more than glance at a flier. So it stood to reason that there were other girls on campus…

 

“Would it be weird for you?” she asked, brows furrowed. “I mean… I don’t want to take over your life, Jasper. And you’ve seen firsthand how woefully useless my ability to talk to girls is.”

 

"Believe it or not, my life is more about sports and trying to maintain a passable GPA. Claiming dibs on every girl on campus comes second," she joked. Though she did have to admit, she could be popular with the ladies when she wanted to be. That the same could be true of Pearl worried her. She liked her. A lot. That someone else could sweep in and win her over was a very real and anxiety-inducing reality.

 

"If you want to talk to more women who like women, I think you should," she said, despite her fears.

 

She squeezed Pearl's shoulder affectionately, smiling as she spoke.

 

"But, uh, I'm still claiming that first date tonight."

 

Pearl stared for a moment, surprised, and then laughed, smothering the sound with her hand. 

 

“Jasper, I’m not going to run off with some other girl!” She insisted, and smiling was far easier now. “I like you. I think you’re safe, there aren’t girls like you just appearing all over, out of the ground!”

 

Jasper put a hand up in defense, but she was still smiling as Pearl laughed, relieved by the smaller girl's response.

 

"I'm just saying! Bismuth is into that whole multiple-partners thing and I just-- I'm not trying to hold you back." Though she very highly doubted Pearl would suddenly start passing herself around at a party. This girl had boldness in her, but not like that. Which was a good thing for Jasper. She personally didn't think she wanted to share.

 

"But you've got that right," she said, putting on her charm. "I'm a rare breed. Very hard to come by, and very much worth getting to know better."

 

“I hope you’ll still think highly of me after getting to know me,” Pearl said, feeling heat creep into her cheeks. “But I don’t think I could... er, that was kind of a problem, with Rose. But she wanted to get boys involved.“

 

That wasn’t the only problem between them. But Jasper didn’t need Pearl dumping that information on her, either. Still, it was good to establish upfront. And Jasper was a lesbian too, after all. 

 

“I don’t think I could date multiple girls at a time,” Pearl admitted, “I mean, silly notions aside, there’s not much of me to go around.”

 

"There is a lot of me to go around, but I still couldn't do it," Jasper said. "You know, it's just not for me. I want to put all my focus on one girl."

 

And have that girl's focus all on her, too. She might consider a threesome if her girlfriend really wanted it, but she was too jealous for anything more.

 

"No guys though. Ever. I don't see the appeal."

 

Pearl was visibly relieved by that—it was something that had never been the case with Rose, a dream that Pearl had been foolish to chase after.

 

“I don’t either. I know they can’t all be terrible, but...” 

 

But Rose had left a thorn in her that was hard to ignore, and Pearl gulped uneasily. 

 

“I, ah... hope it’s okay,” Pearl said, “I know I dress around it, but I... know I look a bit like a boy.”

 

Jasper was visibly surprised to hear those words come out of Pearl's mouth. Had she not looked in a mirror recently? 

 

"What?" She asked sharply. "Are you joking? Pearl, you do  _ not _ look like a boy."

 

Jasper’s tone surprised her, and Pearl looked up at her, wide-eyed. “I mean… maybe not in the face,” she said, feeling her cheeks heat a little. She gestured vaguely to her torso with both hands, aware that Jasper’s chair hid most of what she was alluding to. “But I’ve got absolutely no curves to speak of. I can’t even buy American bras.”

 

"Pearl. Pearl, that's--" she shook her head and covered her mouth as if so many words wanted to escape all at once and she had to choose which ones to let through so that the sentence would at least be coherent. She let out an exasperated puff of air.

 

"Look. Your body? Is amazing. You have legs like a model.  _ Jesus _ your legs." Jasper was trying to refrain from gushing out loud over how much she liked Pearl's form but Pearl was just so wrong about this.

 

Pearl didn’t think her body was anywhere near amazing. She was bony and flat-chested and her pelvis was sharper now than ever. But Jasper’s sincerity was hard to refute. And what did it matter, really, as long as Jasper liked her? If Jasper wasn’t mistaking her for a boy, or secretly wishing she were one, that was the important thing.

 

Liking herself could come later. Pearl didn’t really think she ever would, but…

 

“If you say so,” Pearl murmured, unable to meet Jasper’s eyes. “I wasn’t--I’m not fishing for compliments. It’s just one more dumb thing I’m stuck on.”

 

Jasper couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted to prove to Pearl how amazing her body was but... well, she typically waited until the third date for that and Pearl clearly wasn't in any rush either so she'd have to put that plan on hold. But Pearl really didn't know what she had.

 

"You're comparing yourself to others too much, I think," Jasper said boldly and without stopping to even consider her words this time. "Pearl, there are all kinds of different girls out there. Big boobs, fat bellies, six packs, flat ass. They're all good. Except super short girls. I just-- I'm way too tall for those. But the point is, you can't judge yourself based on whatever anyone else is doing. You just have to know where you fit in and work your hardest to be there. Like with weight class!" Her eyes lit up as she was able to make the connection back to wrestling, as if this metaphor would relate as perfectly to Pearl's life as it did her. "I don't stay in it for anyone else; I don't go to the gym for anyone else but me."

 

Truthfully, Pearl couldn’t relate at all. She didn’t know where she fit in, and it was a little strange hearing Jasper advocating for what sounded a little bit like her analogy about people and boxes.

 

But explaining herself--explaining where and how she had gotten it into her head that she looked like a boy, explaining why it cut her to the bone, there was no way she could get through all of that, not without crying, and not without risking Jasper pointing out how inappropriate Rose’s observation was. Pearl hadn’t even had the nerve to tell Garnet that was why she was afraid of sex, and she certainly wasn’t going to bring that up before her first date with Jasper.

 

She wasn’t sure what to say, though. She chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully, then sighed, slumping a little in Jasper’s chair. “In my defense, I’m not the one who put the idea in my head,” she said, “But I shouldn’t compare myself to other girls. I can’t change who or what I am.”

 

"And you shouldn't, Pearl. I mean, I guess if you really wanted to you could. But you're perfect as you are."

 

Jasper smiled, thinking she'd accomplished a lot. She loved her own body so much, it was tough for her to imagine Pearl's position.

 

She made it sound so easy. What Pearl wouldn’t give for a fraction of Jasper’s self-confidence! She turned her ring absently, then glanced back to see how Jasper’s poor laptop was faring with the defragmentation process. It was slow-going, but well on its way, at least. 

 

Pearl knew she wasn’t perfect. She knew that she and her sisters all suffered from health complications, even if they all looked perfectly normal from the outside. She knew that she would likely spend the rest of her life minding what she ate even though she didn’t truly want to.

 

She knew she wasn’t a prince, not even close. 

 

Jasper had already seen some of her cracks and fissures, glimpsed the girl behind the carefully painted mask. But she wasn’t sure that she could face herself, let alone be that person.

 

“I appreciate it,” Pearl murmured, acutely aware that her gaze wasn’t focused on the computer screen at all now. “I’d like it if you were right.”

 

Jasper's smile faded slightly. Pearl didn't sound as convinced as she thought she would be. She walked closer, peering at the little screen.

 

"Doesn't look like it's going too fast. Is there something you want to do in the meantime? Like, while we wait?"

 

“It might not finish until we’re out to dinner. Your laptop has almost no RAM, even though your hard drive isn’t very big. So it might be a slow process,” Pearl said, because that was the easier question to answer. She didn’t know that she wanted to do much of anything, but she did know she didn’t want to be alone. She felt small and like she was already ruining her chances with Jasper by being a downer, and she didn’t want to say that in as many words. She sighed, pushing her hair back out of her eyes, and looked back up at Jasper. “I don’t know, though. Is there anything you’d like to do?”

 

"Hmm..." Jasper glanced around her room as she thought. She and Bismuth usually listened to music and talked about sports, or played cards when they weren't out. Jasper didn't like being stuck inside too long. She couldn't stand rainy days that made it too wet to dribble a basketball or stick her feet in a sandy volleyball court. She definitely didn't share Peridot's joy of sitting in one place for hours, eyes glued to a screen as she clicked away at imaginary dungeons and temples. So now, here with Pearl, she was rather at a loss as for what to do.

 

"What do you usually do when you're stuck inside?" She asked casually, not expecting an activity for them to do together to pop up. But it was a good way to get to know Pearl better.

 

Pearl flushed a little. She rarely considered being inside ‘stuck’--but then, she wasn’t the type to go to parties, and most of her free time was carefully scheduled around Garnet and Amethyst’s availability. “Er… nothing fun,” she admitted, “I try to get ahead in my books, and plan for my tutees, and watch old dramas and anime, to keep the language fresh. Otherwise I usually spend time with Garnet or Amethyst.”

 

Jasper hadn't expected much different. She thought maybe Pearl was the type to knit. Or do those adult coloring books. Two things Jasper definitely didn't have the patience for.

 

"So you… tutor?" She figured Pearl was smart. Most nerds were. But only the really smart ones volunteered to help other people figure things out.

 

“Ah… Math and physics,” Pearl said, chewing her bottom lip. It was a little silly, being embarrassed by it. But Pearl couldn’t help feeling a little ashamed, now, throwing her weekends away. “The school doesn’t have a lot of jobs I’m suited for, but I’ve got four freshmen that meet me in the library on Sunday for homework help. Since there’s no fencing this semester, I picked that up instead.”

 

"Math is one of my better subjects, thankfully. But that's not exactly saying much," Jasper said, a pleasant humor in her tone. "History is the worst. Who wants to remember all those dates and names? And then put them all in order? Forget it."

 

“Garnet is much better at history than I am, unless you want very specific anecdotes about the French revolution that no one will ever test you on,” Pearl said, fiddling with her ring and vaguely aware that she would never learn not to. Still, it helped to calm her nerves, just a little. “Would it… um,” the girl faltered, feeling her cheeks flush darker than even relatively bad lighting could hide. “Would it be weird if I sat with you, Jasper?”

 

Jasper's grin was back full force. If being stuck indoors was the case, getting to have Pearl curled up close to her was the best possible scenario. 

 

"Not at all," she said, hopping back onto her bed and scooting until her back hit the wall. She patted the open space beside her. "Join me."

 

Jasper’s eagerness was a huge relief. It didn’t entirely make sense to worry, but Pearl always seemed to think of that after the worrying was already in her system. She took another glance at Jasper’s laptop, at the little progress being made at cleaning up much of anything, and slipped out of the computer chair, pushing it in under the desk before taking Jasper’s suggestion. She folded her legs to the side--her legs might have been long, but she couldn’t span the bed with them dangling off--and tucked herself close to Jasper’s side.

 

It wasn’t weird, she had to remind herself. In point of fact, Amethyst would probably have her in some kind of genuinely uncomfortable position by night’s end, only she’d be less dressed than Jasper currently was. 

 

But she did feel a little hesitant, leaning against Jasper’s shoulder. It was fundamentally different to be in her pajamas, in the girl she liked’s bed, with that girl. Pearl briefly regretted how short her shorts were, but Jasper certainly seemed to like her legs. Maybe it wasn’t all that inappropriate. 

 

Jasper could see Pearl was slightly hesitant. Other girls might have crawled right into her lap--it had happened on a couple of occasions. But she liked this. She liked that Pearl wasn't jumping onto her like she was just waiting to be taken. 

 

"Are you comfortable?" She asked her, wrapping an arm around Pearl. She glanced down to make sure her hand was in an okay place. The fact that Pearl's shorts hugged her rather tightly didn't go unnoticed, but she moved her eyes away quickly.

 

“I am the most awkward person on this Earth and have no idea where to put my hands,” she admitted, chuckling at her own ineptitude. For now, she’d settled them in her lap, where she could fiddle compulsively with her ring without attracting too much attention. Pearl looked up at her with a small smile all the same, even if her cheeks were flushed and she could feel her heartbeat in her ears. “Also my heart might explode, but that doesn’t mean I’m uncomfortable.”

 

"Well," Jasper said smoothly, "it's completely up to what you want. I'm not opposed to being touched anywhere."

 

In fact, Jasper felt long overdue for some affection. Even when she had been dating Lapis she didn't get much cuddling. Lapis liked to shove her off. Be on her own. But Jasper was able to brush aside thoughts of her easily in that moment.

 

"I hear my chest makes a pretty awesome pillow."

 

“If I use any part of you as a pillow we’ll never get to dinner. I’ll fall asleep and you’ll be trapped until Amethyst comes looking for me, because you can’t wake me up,” Pearl teased, trying not to think about the implications… Jasper wasn’t opposed to being touched anywhere? Pearl wasn’t sure she could say the same, herself, even if her skin practically tingled where it met Jasper’s. She was touch-starved and very well aware of it. And it wasn’t like she didn’t want to do something about that.

 

Still, she slipped her arms around Jasper’s middle, loosely threading her fingers together against the bigger girl’s side. And even if her heart was trip-hammering in her chest, and surely Jasper could feel it at such close quarters, she couldn’t deny that this was better than trying to keep her hands to herself.

 

Jasper lifted her hand to rest it on Pearl's back, loving the way her body seemed to warm up just having Pearl's arms around her. 

 

"I wouldn't mind if you fell asleep. Are you still tired?" Somewhat daringly, she rubbed her hand up and down slowly in a soothing motion against Pearl's back.

 

"And I thought we decided I have to jump on you to wake you?"

 

“You can’t jump me if I’m on top and you’re trapped,” Pearl countered, and even if there was some nervousness to her smile, she at least had the confidence to make eye contact. “But I… honestly, I probably could fall asleep with you.”

 

"Oh, yeah, because you are totally going to trap me," Jasper said with a happy sarcasm. "Two hundred pounds of pure muscle and adrenaline can't get me to stay down on the mat, but you? I'm helpless to."

 

She chuckled at her own joke, and a little at how cute Pearl looked staring up at her as she made her confession.

 

"I could always try tickling you awake. Would that work?"

 

“I like your nose where it is, so that’s probably a terrible idea,” she giggled, “I don’t want two near-hospital experiences in one week, Jasper. And I am not responsible in any way for what flailing I do under duress.”

 

"Ah, so you are ticklish," she teased. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

 

She could picture Pearl's lanky legs and arms flying everywhere, and it would almost inevitably lead to Jasper getting kicked or losing an eye. Maybe the best place to store that information was in the 'do not attempt' section of her brain. Too few things ever ended up there in hindsight.

 

"Seriously though. I won't care if you close your eyes and nap. I'd rather you fall asleep now than at dinner."

 

Pearl smiled wryly, despite her embarrassment. Ticklish barely began to cover it, but that was information Jasper certainly didn’t need to keep in mind. She wasn’t sure whether it was normal that being tickled was painful, but it had always been like some kind of torture.

 

“I don’t think I’m quite rude enough to fall asleep face down in my food,” Pearl said, settling a little closer, and despite a valiant effort not to, there was no comfortable way to settle in that didn’t result in her cheek pressed close to Jasper’s heart. “Are you okay like this?” she asked, peeking up at her, “You won’t be too bored?”

 

"Hm. That's actually a good point," Jasper mumbled.   
  
Her thumb traced Pearl's spine absently.   
  
"Normally I don't find this kind of thing boring. It's nice being like this with someone else, you know? But if you're sleeping, I won't have much to talk about."   
  
She wondered how clearly Pearl could feel her own heart beating. Wondered how she'd react to her next suggestion.   
  
"Maybe we should both lie down?"

 

Pearl couldn’t help shivering at the feeling of Jasper’s fingers against her spine. It wasn’t as if she’d planned this, but she was acutely aware now that she wasn’t wearing a bra--and even if that were a perfectly reasonable thing not to wear while sleeping, feeling Jasper’s thumb running along where the band normally sat stirred something in her.

 

“Ah…” Pearl started, and she quickly found that she didn’t have a coherent protest to mount, not really. “We’ll probably want an alarm, just in case. But I think I’d like that.”

 

"Sure. I'm not usually a heavy napper," Jasper said, reaching for her phone on the bedside table. "But I'll set an alarm just in case."

 

Jasper felt some excitement go through her at getting to hold Pearl properly, even if it was 99% sure not to go anywhere at the moment. Jasper looked like six feet of ferocious brick, but she quite enjoyed cuddling.

 

With the alarm set, she placed the phone back in its spot and shifted her position, letting her head find the comfort of her pillows and leaving space for Pearl to join her as she pleased.

 

"For as late as we were up last night, we could both use it."

 

“Ugh, tell me about it. Yesterday felt like two for the price of one,” Pearl sighed, sitting up to let Jasper get comfortable.

 

And then she had to figure out where she could factor in.

 

She knew how to squeeze in with Amethyst and Garnet, so scooting a little lower to lay down didn’t take much thought. She fit nicely in the hollow of Jasper’s side, slipped a hand around the other girl’s middle, and then...

 

It took some deliberation, some wrestling of her own. But Pearl wanted to make her position clear more than she wanted to let being afraid win out. She stared up at Jasper for some moments, then mustered up her courage and surged up to press her lips to Jasper’s cheek.

 

“See you after the alarm, Jasper.”

 

Jasper's eyes widened. Pearl acted so quickly she barely had time to register what was happening until after Pearl had pulled away, leaving the ghost of her lips against her cheek. Her rapidly reddening cheek.

 

She blinked at Pearl.

 

"How do you expect me to fall asleep now?!" She asked, adding a breathless laugh to the end.

 

That was a much better reaction than it could’ve been, and Pearl giggled, hiding a broad grin behind her hand. “Well it’s only fair if we’re both horribly flustered, isn’t it?” she laughed, feeling her cheeks darken with a flush that might’ve rivaled Jasper’s. “Besides, I wasn’t going to be able to sleep thinking about it.”

 

Not that a kiss on the cheek had actually gotten the want to kiss Jasper out of her system. Far from it. 

 

Jasper pressed her face into her pillow and groaned loudly, as if she was somehow going to emit all of the heat trapped in her cheeks out of her mouth and make it vanish into the cotton. 

 

She then mumbled something, completely unintelligible with her lips smashed against the pillow.

 

Pearl peered up at her, and around basking in the feeling of butterflies trying to burst from her chest, she wondered if that had been too forward. Maybe it was inappropriate after all, she thought, or maybe the problem was that she hadn’t asked first. It was hard to guess, when she couldn’t see Jasper’s face.

 

“I can ask first next time,” she offered, settling an uncertain hand on Jasper’s shoulder. 

 

"Wha?" Jasper turned her face so she could look at Pearl and speak properly. "No, that was great!"

 

Jasper slung an arm gracelessly over Pearl's hip. 

 

"I said 'you're too fucking cute'," she said, eyes shining as she met Pearl's gaze.

 

“I didn’t catch a single word of that,” Pearl admitted, cheeks flushed, but she couldn’t help smiling up at her, even if she hooked her ankles nervously. “But, ah… you are, too. I really didn’t think you’d blush like that!”

 

"I don't do it all the time, but when I do, I get really red," Jasper admitted. "Believe it or not, I can get flustered too."

 

Like she was now, wanting to return the kiss. Wanting Pearl to kiss her again, not just on her cheek.

 

"I'm capable of a lot of surprises," she said with a slight smirk, giving Pearl's hip a squeeze.

 

Pearl sucked in a breath, not altogether surprised by the squeeze, but certainly unprepared for the feeling. Jasper’s hands were big, and rough, and she could feel her strength through her silly cherry pajamas, and oh God, maybe this was a bad idea after all; not because Jasper had gone too far, but because Pearl wasn’t sure she should trust the part of her that wished the older girl would.

 

“I-I’ll have to let myself be surprised, then,” Pearl stammered, and that wasn’t smooth at all, but it was hard to talk around her heart in her throat. “I’ll look forward to it.”

 

Not to be outdone by anyone, Jasper leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Pearl's forehead, lingering there for just the slightest of moments.

 

She pulled back, letting her head rest again and smiling as she closed her eyes. In her usual gravelly voice, with just a hint of pompousness, she said,

 

"Sweet dreams, Pearl."

 

Ooh, of course Jasper had the confidence to match that! Pearl felt her face burning, and for want of somewhere better to hide it—and a little bit in the interest of revenge—she buried her face against Jasper’s collar, hugging her close.

 

She didn’t think she could sleep like this. Her pulse was racing too much. Maybe her heart really would explode.

 

But she wasn’t going to pull away.

 

“Sweet dreams...”

 

Jasper shivered despite how warm she felt with Pearl pressing against her. Everywhere their bodies met was Heaven, and she only craved more. She made sure to hold Pearl firmly, wanting her to feel as safe and cared for as she felt in that moment. 

 

She didn't say anything else, not wanting to keep Pearl awake any longer. The sunlight coming through the window was warming her feet and calves, and she couldn't remember a time in recent history where she was this comfortable.

 

True enough, sleep didn’t come easy, but hardly because Pearl was uncomfortable. Actually, the opposite was a greater problem—she felt like she could sink into Jasper and never have to face the world again, and that kind of safe cocoon was unexpected, but not unwanted. Pearl sighed, and Jasper’s scent and warmth were all around her, and the always-worried part of her mind wondered if this was right or normal or fair. She didn’t want to rush Jasper into anything, but that wasn’t stopping her from falling for the other girl faster than should have been possible.

 

Jasper took steady, calming breaths, similar to the ones she had been taught to take when she grew too angry. They lulled her, gave her peace. She could feel Pearl's chest and the barely-there but still noticeable rise and fall of it as she breathed too, and she felt it more as Pearl brushed her nose against Jasper's skin. If she opened her eyes, she was sure she would get distracted watching Pearl, so she kept them shut and tried to clear her mind. That had always been difficult. She switched tactics, instead imagining her next practice, going over her warm up, her drills, her team building exercises... and as she daydreamed about the very routine activities she'd become so accustomed to, she drifted completely to sleep, her fingers still clutching loosely at Pearl as the world around her faded away.

 

For her part, Pearl was exhausted enough that she slept dreamlessly. Jasper’s embrace was warm and comforting, and somehow, when she did finally stir to the sound of Jasper’s alarm, she wasn’t terribly surprised by the unfamiliar surroundings.

 

Which was better than could be said about having woken up in Garnet’s room alone, once.

 

She groaned, and somehow she had tangled her fingers in Jasper’s hair while she slept. “Already...?” She murmured sleepily, blinking owlishly.

 

Jasper grunted quietly, moving her face away from the sound as if that would quiet it any. It seemed so far away, too far away to get up and turn it off in her groggy state.

 

"Pearl," she mumbled. "Nnnm. Don't want to move. Too comfy."

 

Comfy was a nice, appropriate sounding word for the tangle of limbs they’d somehow wound up in. Pearl suspected it was mostly her own doing, but regardless of sleeping habits, she’d ended up halfway on top of the other girl, very, very comfortably settled in her arms.

 

Jasper might not have been asleep now, but with her eyes closed, she still somewhat looked the part, and Pearl peered up at her. It had to be the infatuation, because realistically, Pearl was pretty sure nobody could look as good as Jasper did like this, unkempt and unshowered and a little grumpy as her phone kept on informing the both of them that nap time was over.

 

“We both crashed pretty hard,” Pearl murmured, unwilling to put much distance between them. She cuddled closer. “This date might be going a little backwards.”

 

"Mm that's okay," Jasper said, her voice even hoarser than usual from the sleeping. Her hand had ended up against the wall, dangling uselessly by her side. She slid it up Pearl's leg slowly, wearing a smile despite her eyes still being closed.

 

"I'm totally fine with it."

 

Pearl’s breath caught at the feeling of Jasper’s hand against her leg, in part because it was unexpected and unfamiliar, but it felt electrifying.

 

“Jasper...” Her voice wavered a little, but it wasn’t a warning by any stretch of the imagination. Pearl pressed her face to the bigger girl’s collar, hiding her blush.

 

Jasper felt a sudden rush of exhilaration, like she'd just expertly taken a blowjob shot in front of a chanting crowd or narrowly escaped a pin down from an opponent. Suddenly she wasn't so tired anymore. 

 

Without looking, her free hand found the phone behind her and shut it up.

 

She wanted to hear Pearl say her name that way again. She wanted to hear her gasp it, whimper it, be unable to form the second half of it. She thought she could easily get addicted to the feeling that came with Pearl's lips forming those two little syllables.

 

The hand on Pearl's calf travelled upward, fingers gliding over the smooth skin on the back of her thigh, pausing there.

 

"Should I stop?" She asked quietly, almost devilishly, knowing she probably shouldn't tease her like this. But the thought that Pearl was a virgin was there in her mind, and she found a secret, selfish delight in that fact. That she might be the first to ever tease Pearl until she just couldn't take it any more...

 

Pearl made a noise that wasn’t quite a whimper, but it was certainly nowhere near a coherent word or thought. At the same time, it wasn’t really a protest. Jasper’s hand on her skin felt better than she dared to dream, and she liked that Jasper inexplicably wanted to touch her there, she liked the idea that the older girl wanted her permission.

 

Her cheeks burned, and since coherent thought was beyond her, since words were hard to come by and even harder to articulate, she simply shook her head, clutching a fistful of Jasper’s hair in hand.

 

Jasper peered down at Pearl, biting her lip with pleasure as she felt the tug at her hair. Her hand slipped upward, grazing over Pearl's thigh and inching ever closer to the swell of her rear end. Somewhere, some tiny piece of conscience told her she shouldn't, but the desire to ignore it was winning out. It wasn't even that big a deal, she argued to herself. She'd pinched and slapped so many girls there, only to be met with delighted giggles and playful slaps back. But part of her knew that playing this game with Pearl was different, and not only for the rush she felt with her and no other.

 

In the end, she decided against pinching or slapping and simply slid her palm over the cherry print of Pearl's shorts and let it rest there, watching for her reaction.

 

For a moment, Pearl’s breath caught, and she froze uncertainly. It wasn’t unpleasant. It wasn’t even uncomfortable, other than being somewhat uncharted territory. But her heart clenched, and finally, she shook her head.

 

“I-I can’t,” she whispered, scrunching her eyes shut. “I’m sorry, Jasper, I… we shouldn’t. Not yet.”

 

It didn't take more than once for Jasper to get the message. She let her hand fall to the side, tucking the other behind her head casually to lift it from her pillow.

 

"No worries. I kind of knew I was pushing it. But it's just like, I can't help myself with you." 

 

In hindsight, she was glad she hadn't done anything too shocking and scared the poor girl. This was so different from her last relationship. Lapis had shoved Jasper down and mashed their lips together when she barely knew her. Sometimes it still felt like she didn't know Lapis at all.

 

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked, concerned.

 

If Jasper’s idea of being unable to help herself included stopping at the first sign of discomfort, Pearl counted herself pretty unbearably lucky. It was a relief, and she felt tension seeping out of her shoulders. The pink-haired girl nodded, drawing back a little and pressing her cheek to Jasper’s by way of apology.

 

“I’m okay,” she said a little shakily, “I just… it’s silly, it’s completely silly, I’m sorry.”

 

"I wouldn't call it silly."

 

Jasper actually couldn't think of anything she would apply the word 'silly' to. She was sure this was the first time in her life she'd said the word at all.

 

"If it doesn't feel good, then there's no reason to keep going." She pressed her cheek against Pearl's to let her know there wasn't any harm in her being uncomfortable. Impulsive, rash, and greedy Jasper was. But she would never ignore a 'no' when it came to this. She took a deep breath and let it out, turning her eyes to the ceiling.

 

“It didn’t feel bad,” Pearl insisted, hugging Jasper tightly around her midsection, and very aware that her face was still a brilliant shade of red. “I just... I just don’t want to freeze up. I’d rather wait til I can... I don’t know,” her voice dropped to a mumble, “reciprocate, at least.”

 

Jasper's eyebrows lifted, and her gaze darted to Pearl. She could still barely see her; the girl's face was mostly hidden, but she could feel the heat radiating from her as she spoke. 

 

"Oh. Well, hey, when you put it that way, it's just one more thing to look forward to."

 

To know that sort of thing was on Pearl's mind as well was comforting. She was just more traditional than most girls Jasper had encountered. But with the terrible luck she'd had in the past, it seemed like a good thing.

 

"We'll wait," she reassured her.

 

Jasper wasn't usually a patient person, but she could try something new.

 

The relief that swept through Pearl at that was palpable, and she let out a sigh against Jasper’s shoulder. The important thing was she hadn’t put Jasper off completely with her shyness and lack of experience.

 

Finally, she sat upright, still more or less straddling Jasper’s thigh. “Thanks,” she murmured, “I, ah... I do look forward to it.”

 

Jasper smiled up at her, taking in the sight of her bed-ruffled hair and ruddy cheeks. The color had faded to a rosy pinkish, light like the ends of Pearl's hair where it curled against her face. Jasper couldn't resist reaching up and pushing a hand through her soft   locks. 

 

"So do I, cutie. You can bet on that."

 

Jasper’s rough fingers going through her hair made Pearl giggle helplessly, and she leaned into her touch without a second thought. 

 

“We probably ought to get freshened up for dinner,” she said somewhat reluctantly, making no attempt to actually move.

 

"That means I have to kick you out of my room, you know," Jasper replied. "Can't have you see me getting changed."

 

Jasper's mind briefly switched gears, sorting through the rather limited wardrobe she possessed. Luckily she had some fashion sense, even if she didn't often dress like she did.

 

"I've got a hot date tonight I want to impress."

 

Pearl considered briefly daring Jasper to move her, just to see if she would pick her up again, but that parting shot made her heart thunder in her ears and obliterated the retort entirely. 

 

Oh God, what would she wear?

 

“I think I just figured out the one downside to dating an Amazon goddess,” she said, slipping out of Jasper’s lap and absently tugging her shirt down where it belonged. “We can’t share clothes.”

 

Jasper laughed out loud at that. 

 

"At least you can steal hoodies and shirts to wear to bed. You'll swim in them, but it's something. I'd just look ridiculous trying to squeeze into something of yours."

 

And rip the seams out if she tried. Pearl was among the smallest people she'd ever met, and their size difference was especially apparent now with the slight girl perched on her thigh.

 

"But there are plenty of other things we get to share. Jewelry and makeup. Dressing rooms." 

 

She tried to motion to the room with her head.

 

"Dorms."

 

“Dressing rooms?!” Pearl laughed outright at the idea. She wasn’t sure Jasper could fit most dressing rooms comfortably on her own, even if adding her much smaller girlfriend to the mix would make very little difference. 

 

“I will absolutely take you up on those hoodies when it gets cold, though,” she said, smiling brilliantly. “I’m sure Garnet would be happier if I didn’t steal everything she owned.”

 

"Good thing I have some to spare," Jasper said. She could imagine Pearl in one of her pull over hoodies now, her long legs sticking out the bottom and her hands hidden by the sleeves. Maybe one with her last name on the back, so that everyone would know exactly who Pearl had nabbed it from.

 

"I'll keep you warm, don't worry."

 

Between borrowed jackets and shared body heat, Pearl didn’t doubt it for half a second. She moved off of the bed with visible reluctance, then glanced toward Jasper’s laptop to see it had gone into sleep mode. “Oh! Looks like step one is done...”

 

Jasper rolled onto her side once  Pearl had gotten her feet onto the floor to watch her move toward the computer once more.

 

"That's good," she said, glad that the thing hadn't exploded or caught fire. That it was doing what Pearl asked it was a great sign, considering it never seemed to want to cooperate for Jasper.

 

"Maybe it won't take a whole weekend to get better then."

 

Pearl wondered if she actually could complete the repairs in the span of one weekend. Other than replacing the fan and applying fresh heat grease, which would require ordering the former and actually dissecting the laptop to complete, it might have been doable. “It might not! I’ll, ah… I’ll change, and before we go, I’ll install some programs and let them run while we’re out,” she said, pushing her hair away from her eyes. “I’d just download them, but I’m absolutely certain you’ve got some malware already that would get in my way.”

 

Jasper got up finally, stretching her arms high above her head. 

 

"You know better than I do," she said. Most of what Pearl was talking about went in one ear and out the other. She knew she'd heard of Malware but she didn't actually know what the hell it was.

 

"I usually download stuff with no problem. It just pops up and I hit enter."

 

“Not unprompted, I hope,” Pearl said absently, “The antivirus programs I would want to download—well, essentially, viruses and malware will try to redirect you away from the download page. But if your computer is in Safemode or disconnected from the Internet, you can run the programs successfully and the viruses usually can’t counter them.”

 

"Huh," Jasper said, bobbing her head up and down as if she understood. She knew that for someone in her generation she was probably behind the curve, but she'd just never bothered with this kind of thing. She'd never really cared about computers or how they worked. There were always more interesting things to do. But as she watched Pearl navigate the screen and tap away at the keyboard it seemed as natural to her as breathing. Still, she couldn't imagine it being any fun. Jasper was definitely going to try and spoil her tonight for being so nice. ...Okay, and for the possibility that she might thank Jasper with something else in return, even if that something was the promise of another date. Even just cuddling with Pearl had felt great, and she hoped for more of the same. It was a win-win situation no matter how she looked at it.

 

Pearl knew the extended translation of ‘huh’ all too well, and she chewed the inside of her lip while she finished what she could without any additional tools.   
  
Did Jasper even have an administrative account set up?   
  
“You can, um, always stop me,” Pearl said almost guiltily. “I don’t want to bore you to death with computer stuff.”

 

"Stop you?" Jasper asked. "No, it's good. I'm glad you're explaining it all and not just being a jerk about it."   
  
She was specifically thinking of Peridot again, despite not wanting to. That girl would have chewed her alive and spit her out just like she spit venom words from her annoying mouth. 'You don't know what this is?!? You clod, this is the most simple and basic of all operations! Any moron with a keyboard knows what this is!'   
  
She was beginning to see that maybe Peridot had never liked her at all, and the back and forth game Jasper thought they'd been playing didn't exist.

  
"I don't really understand it, to be honest. But it's great that you do."

 

“Well... the whole point of explaining it is in the hopes you’ll be able to use the information later if you need it. But if it’s something that doesn’t interest you, I don’t want to blather on about it,” Pearl said, well aware she was stalling in getting out of Jasper’s room. “Of course, I can always backtrack if you want more basics. Even if it’s for another time.”

 

Pearl paused, worrying her bottom lip. “I mean, there aren’t a lot of fun things I can teach, but I do know some useful and boring things.”

 

"I just don't think I'll retain it all," Jasper confessed. "No matter what you try to teach me I'm probably just going to have a thousand more questions about it and then not get it in the end."   


She seemed to be the type that could mess a computer up just by looking at it. The same could be said about the look she gave to opponents, and that always worked out well to intimidate them.

  
"Besides, you don't have to worry about that now. Your first date isn't going to be a tutoring session if I have anything to do with it. And I do."

 

Pearl hoped Jasper wasn’t being self-depreciating. If Amethyst could learn, she was quite certain Jasper could, too, if she wanted.

  
But that was a thought for another time. She smiled a little lopsidedly. “You’re not going to teach me anything? You’re sure?”

 

Jasper's eyes widened and she felt a spike of heat shoot up the back of her neck. Damn it. This was part of what made Pearl so instantly magnetic! She was shy and awkward and quiet but then all of a sudden something like that would come out of her mouth and completely catch Jasper off guard. Jasper only let it show on her face momentarily, though, before quickly trying to regain her confident voice.

  
"I'm going to teach you plenty, Pearl."

 

“I’ll try to be a fast learner,” Pearl teased, and luck alone carried her out of Jasper’s room without tripping over herself. She could put on a strong front—briefly!—but God, Jasper didn’t even need to put effort into making her weak at the knees.

  
Truth be told, now Jasper was feeling weak in her knees. Not that her knees were ever weak. They were incredibly strong. Jasper couldn't think of a single physical aspect of her body that was weak. But somehow she suspected that Pearl would easily bring her to her knees.   


 

"And I'll try not to take too long getting ready," she said as Pearl left, shutting her door behind her so that she could change. She couldn't help smiling to herself even out of Pearl's sight.


End file.
